Weird Al Yankovic

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"Melanie"

"Melanie"



Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

She lived across the street on the fifteenth floor of the Gilmore building
I saw her in the shower reaching for some soap
I knew she had to be the girl for me
And to think I probably never would have found her
If I hadn't bought that telescope

Oh, Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

I just can't understand it
Why won't you return my phone calls
Are you still mad I gave a Mohawk to your cat
If you'd just say the word
I'm certain that our love would last forever and ever
Or are you too dumb to realize that

Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me
How can you ignore me when you know that I can't live without you
I have to go through your garbage just to learn more about you

Melanie, ooh
Oh sweet Me-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

You weren't impressed when I tattooed your name across my forehead
You wouldn't listen when I promised to be true
I couldn't stand it so I jumped out from the sixteenth story window
Right above you
Now I may be dead but I still love you

Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet, sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me

I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie
What can the problem be
Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie
Why won't you go out with me
 
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"Midnight Star"

"Midnight Star"


I was waiting in the express lane with my twelve items or less
At the checkout counter at the local grocery store
I was only passin' by
But a paper caught my eye
And I learned a few things I never knew before

It said your pet may be an extraterrestrial
It said the ghost of Elvis is living in my den
You can learn to cope with stress
You can beat the IRS
And the incredible frog boy is on the loose again

Oh, Midnight Star
It's in the weekly Midnight Star
Aliens from outer space are sleeping in my car
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know

Eat jelly doughnuts, and lose twenty pounds a day
Hear the story of the man born without a head
And top psychics all agree
That the telephone company
Will have a brand new service that lets you talk to the dead

Oh, Midnight Star
You can believe it if you read it in the weekly Midnight Star
They're keeping Hitler's brain alive inside a jar
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know

Tell me, tell me, tell me how to make my bust-line grow
Midnight Star, I wanna know

Oh, Midnight Star
Well, don't you know that I read it, I read it in the weekly Midnight Star
The UFOs have landed, and we'll tell you where they are
Midnight Star, I wanna know, I wanna know

Midnight Star
Well, you can read all about in in the weekly Midnight Star
You can use your ESP to learn to play guitar
I wanna know, I wanna know

(Ah, Midnight Star) I wanna know, I wanna know
(Ah, Midnight Star) I wanna know, I wanna know
(Ah, Midnight Star) I wanna know, I wanna know
(Ah, Midnight Star) Inquiring minds like mine wanna know

(You can read it [x5], Midnight Star [x2]) (Ah, Midnight Star) I wanna know, I wanna know
(You can read it [x5], Midnight Star [x2]) (Ah, Midnight Star) I wanna know, I wanna know
(You can read it [x5], Midnight Star [x2]) (Ah, Midnight Star) I wanna know, I wanna know
(You can read it [x5], Midnight Star [x2]) (Ah, Midnight Star) I wanna know, I wanna know
(You can read it [x5], Midnight Star [x2]) (Ah, Midnight Star) I wanna know, I wanna know
(You can read it [x5], Midnight Star [x2]) (Ah, Midnight Star) I wanna know, I wanna know
 
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"Mission Statement"

"Mission Statement"


[Verse 1:]
We must all efficiently
Operationalize our strategies
Invest in world-class technology
And leverage our core competencies
In order to holistically administrate
Exceptional synergy
We'll set a brand trajectory
Using management's philosophy
Advance our market share vis-à-vis
Our proven methodology
With strong commitment to quality
Effectively enhancing corporate synergy
Transitioning our company
By awareness of functionality
Promoting viability
Providing our supply chain with diversity (versity, ooooh)
We will distill our identity
Through client-centric solutions and synergy (oooooh oooh oooh)
(ahhhhhh)

[Bridge:]
At the end of the day (at the end of the day)
We must monetize our assets
The fundamentals of change
Can you visualize a value-added experience?
That will grow the business infrastructure and
Monetize our assets
Monetize our assets
Monetize our assets

[Verse 2:]
Bringing to the table
Our capitalized reputation
Proactively overseeing
Day-to-day operations
Services and deliverables
With cross-platform innovation
Networking
Soon will bring
Seamless integration
Robust and scalable, bleeding-edge and next-generation
Best of breed
We'll succeed
In achieving globalization

[Outro:]
And gaining traction with our resources in the marketplace
It's mission-critical to stay incentivized
Our business plan will foster flexible solutions for our customer base
If you can't think outside the box
You'll be downsized
It's a paradigm shift!
Hey, hey! Look out!
Well, it's a paradigm shift, now!
Here we go! Here we go! Here we come! Here we come! Ha!
 
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"Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies"

"Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies"



Beverly

Beverly Hillbillies

Huh, now lookie here people
Listen to my story
A little story 'bout a man named Jed
You know something?
That poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed

Now, let me tell you
One day he was shootin'
Old Jed was shootin' at some food
When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude

Oil that is Well, maybe you call it black gold or Texas tea
He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale And be a Beverly hillbilly...

Before you know it, all the kinfolk are-a-sayin'
Yeah, buddie, move away from there
That little Clampet got his own cement pond
That little Clampet, he's a millionaire

Now, everyone said Californie
Is the place that you oughta be
We got to load up this here truck now
We got to move to Beverly
Hills, that is

Swimming pools
Move-a-move-a-movie stars
Huh
Lookit that, lookit that

Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
 
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"Mr. Frump In The Iron Lung"

"Mr. Frump In The Iron Lung"


I visit Mr. Frump in the hospital
I see him most every day
And when I see Mr. Frump in his iron lung
This is what I hear him say

[deep breathing]

Y'know, Mr. Frump is my very best friend
He's never a chump or a tease
He never tells me lies, and best of all
He never disagrees

I bring him candy and flowers every afternoon
Sit down by his side and say "Hi"
And then I ask him his opinion of the world situation
And I wait for Mr. Frump's reply, and Mr. Frump would say

[deep breathing]

Well, unfortunately, soon it came to be
Mr. Frump's dying day
And now I bring to you the very last thing
That Mr. Frump had to say....

[deep breathing, that fades and dies off]

Amen
 
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"Mr. Popeil"

"Mr. Popeil"



I need a Vegematic!
I need a Pocket Fisherman!
I need a handy appliance
That'll scramble an egg while it's still inside its shell!
(Operators are standing by.
How does that make you feel?)
Help me.
Mr. Popeil!

I wanna shine some pennies!
I wanna mend some leather!
I wanna Krazy-Glue my head to the bottom of a big steel girder!
(Please, no C.O.D.'s.
Don't miss out on this deal.)
Ah, help me.
Mr. Popeil!

Help me.
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!

(Wo-o, wo-o. Ohhhhhh.)
It slices. It dices.
Look at that tomato!
You could even cut a tin can with it,
But you wouldn't want to!

Mr. Popeil, I'm in trouble.
Need your assistance on the double.
Oh no! Now how am I gonna make
My old vinyl car top look like new?
Mr. Popeil!
Tell me, what am I s'posed to do?

Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!

(Now how much would you pay?)
But wait, there's more!
It's not sold in any store!
(Now how much would you pay?)
Don't answer yet,
Just look what else you get!
(Now how much would you pay?)
If you order today,
You get a Ginsu knife and a smokeless ashtray!
(Now how much would you pay?)
Now how much would you pay?
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil.

Make me buy a Garden Weasel!
Make me buy a Bamboo Steamer!
Make me take advantage
Of this amazing TV offer!
(Call our toll-free number,
We'll make you such a deal.)
Aw, help me!
Mr. Popeil. I want it!
(Mr. Popeil.) Well, I need it!
(Mr. Popeil.) I got to got to got to have it!
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!
Hey!
 
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"My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder"

"My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder"



Oh, my baby, my baby she don't want me no more
Ever since she saw his poster in that record store
She says the way he grinds his molars is really sexy
She thinks he's so darn dysfunctional and "Generation X"y
She likes his brooding angst and his wild-eyed stare
Yeah, he's her very favorite slacker multi-millionaire

Well, my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder
She's all crazy 'bout that Eddie Vedder
Once she was mine, but now I better just forget her
'Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder

Now, every time I see him, well, he looks so grim
I guess it really must suck to be a rock star like him
What a pain in the butt to have so much success
Spending all his time moping and avoiding the press
But my girl can't get enough of his sullen demeanor
Like he's some big tortured genious and I'm some kinda wiener

Well, my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder
She's got a thing for that Eddie Vedder
Tell me, what can he do that I can't do better
Now my baby's in love with
I said I said I said my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder
Head over heels for that Eddie Vedder
I cant believe it, now she's knitting him a sweater
'Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder

I knew we were headin' for disaster
When she caught me hangin' out at the Ticketmaster
Now she's got an unrequited adoratioon
For the frustrated, agitated, designated alienated
Spokesman for the disaffected grunge generation

Well, I don't wear Doc MArtens and I don't wear flannel
And I don't boycott the music video channel
And I just can't compete with all that money and fame
But I know two can play at this game
Yeah, well, let's just see how jealous she'll get
When I start stalking Alanis Morissette

Well, mny baby's in love with Eddie Vedder
She's all crazy 'bout that Eddie Vedder
Once she was mine but now I better just forget her
'Cause my baby's in love with
I said I said I said my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder
Why'd she have to fall for that Eddie Vedder
If she wants to leave me, I guess I better let her
'Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder
 
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"My Bologna"

"My Bologna"


Ooh, my little hungry one, hungry one
Open up a package of my bologna
Ooh, I think the toast is done, the toast is done
Top it with a little of my bologna

Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna

Spreadin' on the mustard now, show me how
Spread it on a litle of this bologna
Hopin' that we don't run out, don't run out
If we do I'm sure that I'll miss bologna

Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna

[belch]

Goin' to the market now, market now
I'm the city's biggest bologna buyer
Walkin' down the shopping isles, shopping isles
Filling up my basket with Oscar Meyer

Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
 
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"My Own Eyes"

"My Own Eyes"


[Intro:]
I saw a baby drive a truck
I saw a junkie eat a tuba
I saw a stripper kiss a duck
Behind a dumpster in Aruba

[Verse 1:]
I saw this fat, psychotic guy
His underwear was made of crickets
He pawned a skeleton to buy
Some old expired lotto tickets

[Pre-Chorus 1:]
I saw a naked vagrant giving
Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to his cat
I probably could have gone my whole life
Without seeing that

[Chorus:]
With my own eyes
I see things that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes

[Verse 2:]
I saw a mime get hacked to death
With an imaginary cleaver
I saw an old man's final breath
I watched him die from Bieber Fever
I saw these diabetic chicks
In an abandoned 7-Eleven
I watched them snorting pixie sticks
While they were belching Stairway To Heaven

[Pre-Chorus 2:]
I saw two drag queens trying to see how many crackers
They could shove up each other's nose
I'd like to erase my mind completely but I suppose
That's just the way it goes

[Chorus 2]
With my own eyes
I see things that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes (my own eyes)
Those visions haunt my memory
Oh, there's so much I wish I could unsee
With my own eyes

[Verse 3:]
Some priest got drunk and stole a circus zebra
And he trained it to massage his back
My guinea pig committed hara-kiri
So we used him to play hacky-sack
My neighbor's kids sold weapons grade plutonium
And frosty ice-cold lemonade
They took MasterCard and sometimes
Human organs in trade, that's how we paid
I have to say that it was really darn good lemonade

[Outro:]
With my own eyes
I've seen thing that'd drive a normal man insane
Wish I could disconnect my brain
From my own eyes (my own eyes)
Those visions haunt my memory
Oh, there's so much I wish I could unsee
With my own eyes [repeating]
 
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"Nature Trail To Hell"

"Nature Trail To Hell"


Coming this Christmas to a theater near you
The most horrifying film that hit the screen.
There's a homicidal maniac who finds a cub-scout troop
and he hacks up two or three in every scene.
Please don't reveal the secret ending to your friends
Don't spoil the big surprise
You won't believe your eyes when you see

Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D

See severed heads that almost fall right in your lap.
See that bloody hatchet coming right at you.
No, you'll never see hideous effects like these again
Until we bring nature trail to hell part 2
So bring the kids along it's good clean family fun.
What have you got to lose
If you like the 6 O'Clock news then you'll love.

[Chorus]

(Some cool music for a while)

Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature Trail to hell in 3-D

(Some weird music for a very short while)

Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell
(CAN YOU WAIT FOR?!?)
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell in 3-D 3-D
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to heeeeeeeeeell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
 
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