Weird Al Yankovic

[fox69]

"Slime Creatures From Outer Space"

"Slime Creatures From Outer Space"



Things just haven't been the same
Since the flying saucer came
Now the aliens are on the loose

Well, we tried to hold 'em back
Tried to ward off their attack
But our atom bombs were just no use

They were ugly, they were mean
Biggest heads I ever seen
They made everybody scream and shout

First they leveled Tokyo
Then New York was next to go
Boy I really wish they'd cut it out

They wasted everybody on my block
There goes the neighborhood
They'll zap you with their death ray eyes
And blow you up real good

Run for your lives
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
They're not very nice to the human race
(Slime creatures from outer space)

There's more comin' every day
And they just won't go away
Now they're reproducing in the sewers

They got slimy lizard skin
And an evil lookin' grin
And they sure could use some manicures

They got hands all covered with fungus
They got eyes like some kinda bug
I sure hope they don't come in here
I just shampooed the rug

Run for your lives
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)

They're really makin' a mess of this place.
(Slime creatures)
(Slime creatures)

(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)

(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)

They'll rip your head off just for fun
They'll paralyze your mind
They're wearin' out their welcome

I don't think I like their kind
They'll suck your brain out through a straw
You just can't trust those guys

So hide the children, lock the doors
And always watch the skies
Look out, here come the

(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
They're an intergalactic disgrace

(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)
I wish they'd just get outta my face
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)

They're makin' a big fat mess of this place
(Slime creatures)
(Slime creatures)

Oh, where did they come from?
What do they want from us?
Who do they think they are?
(Slime creatures, slime creatures)

Why don't they leave me alone?
(Slime creatures, slime creatures.)
They're really getting on my nerves

 

[fox69]

"Smells Like Nirvana"

"Smells Like Nirvana"



What is this song all about?
Can't figure any lyrics out
How do the words to it go?
I wish you'd tell me, I don't know
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no
Don't know, don't know, don't know...

Now I'm mumblin' and I'm screamin'
And I don't know what I'm singin'
Crank the volume, ears are bleedin'
I still don't know what I'm singin'
We're so loud and incoherent
Boy, this oughta bug your parents
Yeah

It's unintel-ligible
I just can't get it through my skull
It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss(?)
With all these marbles in my mouth
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no
Don't know, don't know, don't know...

Well, we don't sound like Madonna
Here we are now, we're Nirvana
Sing distinctly? We don't wanna
Buy our album, we're Nirvana
A garage band from Seattle
Well, it sure beats raising cattle
Yeah

And I forgot the next verse
Oh well, I guess it pays to rehearse
The lyric sheet's so hard to find
What are the words? Oh, nevermind
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no
Don't know, don't know, don't know...

Well, I'm yellin' and we're playin'
But I don't know what I'm sayin'
What's the message I'm conveyin'?
Can you tell me what I'm sayin'?
So have you got some idea?
Didn't think so -- Well, I'll see ya
Sayonara, sayonara
Ayonawa, odinawa
Odinaya, yodinaya
Yaddayadda, yaaahyaaah
Ayaaaaaah!

 

[fox69]

"Snack All Night"

"Snack All Night"



I'm never satisfied with three meals a day
While the world is sleeping I'll be munching away
Gonna sneak into the kitchen, gonna tiptoe down and turn on the light
Right, yeah, if no one's around to see you
It don't matter if you snack all night

A million chicken bones are under my bed
A pile of Twinkie wrappers all 'round my head
Jelly doughnuts to the left of me
Got a bag of chocolate chips on the right
Right, yeah, if you don't mind the calories
It don't matter if you snack all night

 

[fox69]

"Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut"

"Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut"



Sometimes you feel like a nut
Sometimes you don't
Peter Paul Almond Joy's got nuts
Mounds don't

 

[fox69]

"Spam"

"Spam"



Spam in the place where I live (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy)
Spam in my luchbox at work (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it at all

If you're running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam

Oh, spam on the table at home (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now (let's eat)
Spam in my office at work (it's the best)
Think about the stuff its made from, wonder if it's some kind of meat

If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermose to help wash it down
Now, if there's some left, don't just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now

Spam in my pantry at home (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the lable (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch (it's the best)
Think about how it's been precooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold

Now, once you start in, you can't put it down
Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in

Oh, spam (spam)
Ham and pork
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy)
Spam (spam)
It's the best
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it

Spam in the place where I live (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie now (let's eat)
Spam in the place where I work (you're obsessed)
Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's some kind of meat

Spam in the back of my car (ham and pork)
Spam any place that you are (ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
The can is there to hold in the spam (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)

 

[fox69]

"Spatula City"

"Spatula City"


[Announcer:] There's just one place to go for all of your spatula needs
[Random Voice #1:] Spatula City
[Random Voice #2:] Spatula City

[Announcer:]
A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion.
Thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color.
And because we eliminate the middle man, we can sell all our spatulas factory direct to you.
Where do you go if you want to buy name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost?
[Random Voice:] Spatula City
[Random Voice:] Spatula City

[Announcer:]
And this weekend only, take advantage of our special liquidation sale.
Buy nine spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny.
Don't forget, they make great Christmas presents.
And what better way to say "I love you." than with the gift of a spatula?
[Random Voice:] Spatula City
[Random Voice:] Spatula City

[Sy Greenblum:]
Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City.
I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company.

[Announcer:]
Spatula City - seven locations; we're in the yellow pages under "spatulas".

[Neighbor:] My, where did you get that lovely spatula?
[Singers:] Spatula City: We sell spatulas, and that's all.

 

[fox69]

"Sports Song"

"Sports Song"



Your sports team is vastly inferior
That simple fact is plainly obvious to see
We’re gonna kick your collective posterior
Of course you realize we’re speaking figuratively
Our stats are thoroughly impressive
Our coach really has the Midas touch
Our players are fast and strong and brave
And your guys, eh, not so much

In fact we’ve played teams across the nation
And you’re the worst one we’ve come across
Try to assimilate that information
And it just might help you cope with your impending loss
Oh, and if somehow we are still failing
To effectively articulate the points at hand
Allow us now to summarize them in a manner
That your feeble brains can understand

We’re great (we’re great)
And you suck (you suck)
We’re great (we’re great)
And you suck (you suck)
We’re great (we’re great)
And you suck (you suck)
You see there’s us (we’re great)
And then there’s you (you suck)
We’re really, really great (really great)
In contrast, you really suck (really suck)
Okay, full disclosure, we’re not that great
But nevertheless, you suck

Your sports team will soon suffer swift defeat
That theory’s backed up by empirical evidence
We’re gonna grind up your guys into burger meat
Again, of course, we’re speaking in the figurative sense
What’s the use of even going through the motions
When you know that you’re gonna lose anyhow
So why don’t you save us all some time
And give up now (you suck!)

 

[fox69]

"Stop Draggin' My Car Around"

"Stop Draggin' My Car Around"



Had to park my car for just five minutes
I had to go inside to use the phone
When I came back again my car was gone
Well, I didn't know it was a loading zone
What a bummer, I was so brought down
I had to chase that tow truck all over town, yellin'

"Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my car around"

Took my baby to the local disco, I was jumpin' like a maniac
But then the owner came and pulled me off the floor
Then he, he took me to his little office in the back
He said, "I really like your snaggletooth necklace
Your pants are groovy, and your hair's okay
But, man, that car of yours is so uncool
Like wow, I'm sorry, but we towed it away!"

Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my car around

Now I'm in home, I'm watchin' Gilligan's Island
Guess it's time to trade my old car in
For twenty dollars and my '64 Plymouth
Maybe I could get a second-hand Schwinn
Look out the window, there's tow truck in the driveway
I grabbed the driver and I asked him why
He said, "I'm sorry kid, you're late with the payments
It's time to kiss your little car goodbye"

Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my car around
Stop draggin' my car around

Listen, the check's in the mail, no, really
Stop draggin' my car around
Oh man, I just got the hub caps painted
Stop draggin' my car around
Hey! Hey! I left a sandwich in the backseat
Stop draggin' my car around
Oh

 

[fox69]

"Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me"

"Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me"




Oh the sand keeps falling through the hourglass
and there's no way you're going to slow it down
you say we gotta treasure each moment
who knows how long we're gonna be around
yeah you keep on telling me life is short
and its hard to disagree with what you say
but if time is so precious why ya wasting mine
cuz I'm always reading
always deleting
every useless piece of garbage that you send my way
every stupid hoax
all those corny jokes
stop forwarding that crap to me
well I don't need tons of cringe inducing puns
stop forwarding that crap to me
no it isn't ok if you brighten my day
with some cut and pasted hackneyed Hallmark poetry
and I didn't request a personality test
stop forwarding that crap to me

Ahhhh
you're sending virus latent you're sending virus-laden bandwidth-hogging attachments to every single person you know
you're passing around a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
that everybody else already saw three years ago
and wacky badly Photoshopped billboard were never that amusing to me
and I just can't believe you believe those urban legends
but I have high hopes that someone will point you toward Snopes
and debunk that crazy junk you're spewing constantly

No I don't want a bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul
stop forwarding that crap to me
send more top 10 lists and I'll slash my wrists
please stop forwarding that crap to me
well I'm sorry i can't accept your paranoid rant
and I don't want the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe
won't you kindly refrain cuz its hurting my brain
stop forwarding that crap to me...

Like glittery hearts and unicorns and pictures of somebody's cat
now tell me in what alternate reality will I care about something like that?
and by the way your quotes from George Carlin aren't really George Carlin
Mr. Rogers never fought the Viet Cong
and Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing
and I really doubt some dead girl is gonna kill me if I don't pass her letter along

Well now I know you're wishing
I'll sign your petition
but stop forwarding that crap to me
and I don't want to read your series
of conspiracy theories
just stop forwarding that crap to me
and your two million loser friends
all have my address because you never figured out the way to BCC
but now I gotta insist
take me off of your list
stop forwarding that crap to me
(stop forwarding that crap to me
stop forwarding that crap to me
stop forwarding that crap to me
stop forwarding that crap to me)
just stop it now
oh no
(stop forwarding that crap to me) [repeats]
i can't take it
aw please
you gotta stop
right now
I'm not kidding
at the risk of being slightly repetitious gonna ask you now to stop
sending me that crap
I don't want it
don't send it to me
now don't send it to me
just stop forwarding that crap to me
stop forwarding that crap to me
to me

 

[fox69]

"Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White"

"Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White"



Doctor, every night I have the strangest dreams
Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means
First I'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear
Then all of sudden I'm floating in mid air
My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare
Donuts and hot dogs are flying everywhere

Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet
Next comes the part that I won't ever forget
Now I'm bein' followed by these Russian spies
They give me some velcro, and an order of fries
Suddenly I'm bowling on the Starship Enterprise
I fall down a hole and that's when I realize

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

All right!

Doctor, won't you tell me, am I going insane
Was it something I ate or something wrong with my brain
See, I'm naked in church when I meet a dinosaur
Try to run, but my feet have been nailed to the floor
Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door
And I'm back in the very same place I was before

Now I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

And I can't bust out and I can't break free
And it's gettin' just a little too stuffy here for me
And I can't go home and I can't get loose
And I try to escape but it's just no use

And I can't ever leave and I can't ever win
And we're runnin' outta air and the walls are closin' in
And I can't go back and I can't get through
But Vanna since you're here, why don't you let me buy a vowel from you

Come on Vanna, come on!

Ow, buhhh

Doctor, all those crazy dreams have started again
That's right, I even wake up screaming now and then
See, I'm coming home from work but I forgot my address
I'm half an hour late for my algebra test
Then some slimy alien jumps out of my chest
And I'm falling and falling and I guess you know the rest

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White
N-n-n-night after night after night night night

Then I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White (ya-ya ya-ya, ya-ya, ya, ya-ya)
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Night after night after night after night

I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White (ya-ya ya-ya ya-ya ya-ya)
I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White