Weird Al Yankovic

[fox69]

"Pretty Fly For A Rabbi"

"Pretty Fly For A Rabbi"



Veren zol fun dir a blintsa

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly for a rabbi

Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho

Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past
But most of 'em were nudniks and none of 'em would last
But our new guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick
I tell ya, he's to dies for - he really knows his shtick

So how's by you? Have you seen this Jew?
Reads the Torah, does his own accounting too
Workin' like a dog at the synagogue
He's there all day, he's there all day
Just say "Vay iz mir!" and he'll kick into gear
He'll bring you lots of cheer and maybe bagels with some shmeer
Just grab your yarmulka and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly (for a rabbi)

He shops at discount stores, not just any will sufice
He has to find a bargain 'cause he won't pay retail price
He never acts meshugga and he's hardly a schlemiel
But if you wanna haggle, oy, he'll make you such a deal!

People used to scoff, now they say "Mazel tov!"
He's such a macher 'cause he worked his tuchis off
Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul
What's not to like? What's not to like?
On high holy days, you know he prays and prays
And he never eats pastrami on white breath with mayonnaise
Put on your yarmulka and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

When he's doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn't miss
He'll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss
They say he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite hhhhhip
The parents pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip

(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey

Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho

He's doin' well, I gotta kvell
The yentas love him, even shicksas think he's swell
Show up at his home, he says "Shalom"
And "Have some cake - you want some cake?"
Yah, he calls the shots, we really love him lots
Oy gevalt, I'm so ferklempt that I could plotz
So grab your yarmulka
The one you got for Chanukah
Let's put on our yarmulkas and
Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!

 

[fox69]

"RealRadio 104.1"

"RealRadio 104.1"


[with polka music in the background]

Hi
This is "weird Al" Yankovic fresh off my Alapalooza World Tour
When I'm not busy signing autographs
Fighting off mobs of beautiful women
Making gold albums
And counting my big pile of money
I listen to the Russ Bowe show on Realradio 104.1

 

[fox69]

"Ricky"

"Ricky"


[R:] Hey Lucy, I'm home

[L:] Oh Ricky, you're so fine
[L:] You're so fine you blow my mind
[L:] Hey Ricky, hey Ricky

[R:] Oh Lucy, you're so fine
[R:] You're so fine you blow my mind
[R:] Hey Lucy, hey Lucy

[L:] Oh Ricky, you're so fine
[L:] You play your bongos all the time
[L:] Hey Ricky, hey Ricky

[R:] Oh Lucy, you're so fine
[R:] How I love tyo hear you whine
[R:] Hey Lucy

[L:] Hey Ricky
[L:] You always play your conga drums, you think you got the right
[L:] You wake up little Ricky in the middle of the night
[L:] Stop shakin' your maraccas now and just turn out the light Ricky

[R:] I'm sick of Fred and Ethel always comin' over here
[R:] 'Cause Fred eats all our pretzel sticks and then he spills his beer
[R:] Why don't you serve your cassarole and make them disappear Lucy

[L:] Oh Ricky, what's a girl like me supposed to do
[L:] You really drive me wild when you sing your babaloo
[R:] Oh Lucy, you're so dizzy, don't you have a clue
[R:] Well, here's to you Lucy
[R:] I love you too Lucy, too Lucy, let's babaloo Lucy

[L:] Hey Ricky
[L:] You're always playin' at the club, you never let me go
[L:] I'm beggin' and I'm pleadin' but you always tell me no
[L:] Oh, please honey please, let me be in your show Ricky, wah

[R:] You always burn the roast and you drop the dishes too
[R:] You iron my new shirt and you burn a hole right through
[R:] You're such a crazy redhead I just don't know what to do Lucy

[L:] Oh Ricky
[L:] What a pity, don't you understand
[L:] That every day's a rerun and the laughter's always canned
[R:] Oh Lucy
[R:] I'm the latin leader of the band
[R:] So here's to you Lucy
[R:] Let's babaloo Lucy, too Lucy
[R:] Everybody rumba!

[R:] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

 

[fox69]

"Ringtone"

"Ringtone"



Once, not very long ago, I was respected, I was popular (popular, ooh)
But now I hang my head in shame (ahh, ooh)
My life is filled with such regret
A bad mistake I can't forget
And now I'll never be the same

Ringtone
Why did I buy this stupid ringtone?
I just can't imagine now what I was thinking at all (What was I thinking?)
My friends all stare at me whenever I get a call
Well, everybody (everybody)
Everybody (everybody)
Everybody in the world really hates my ringtone

When my phone goes off at work
I look like the biggest jerk
Total strangers wanna slap me around
When it's ringin' on the terrace
My neighbors get embarrassed
They're beggin' me to move outta town
Well, it made my wife so sick
She smashed my iPhone with a brick
But I had it fixed, and now it's just fine
It's a pain, I sure don't need it
And I probably should delete it
But for me that would be crossin' the line
'Cause I hate to waste a buck ninety nine
Hey, I paid good money for this...

Ringtone
Why did I buy this stupid ringtone?
I just can't imagine now what I was thinking at all (Really, what was I thinking?)
My friends all stare at me whenever I get a call
Well, everybody (everybody)
Everybody (everybody)
Everybody in the world really hates my ringtone

Ringtone
Ringtone
Ahh, ooh

Chinese factory workers (they hate my ringtone)
Muslim women in burqas (really hate my ringtone)
Starvin' kids in Angola (they hate my ringtone)
Even folks with Ebola (just hate my ringtone)
All the nuns and nannies (all the welfare mothers)
All the Pakistanis (all the Wayans brothers)
Everyone on the land, everyone on the sea
Every single person everywhere unanimously
Everybody (everybody)
Everybody (everybody)
Everybody in the whole wide world really hates my
Ringtone... ringtone... ringtone... ringtone... ringtone... ringtone...

 

[fox69]

"School Cafeteria - Version 1"

"School Cafeteria - Version 1"



Is it on? Okay
1, 2, 1, 2, 5, 6
Let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria
It's got all the others beat
It sells over four million burgers a year
Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat

My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm
But my burrito is much too cold
A school cafeteria is the only place
That sells artificially colored mold

You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production
They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg
I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria
You can get a taco and get Bubonic Plague

Today in the school cafeteria
They introduced a brand new malt
It's called boysenberry dysentery
Please pass the salt

The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill
The enchiladas are enough to kill
Before you eat, you'd better make out your will
In the school cafeteria today

Say, boys and girls, tired of being skinny
Eat a school lunch today
All starch and cholesterol
Absolutely no protein
Remember, fourteen million teenagers can't be wrong

Feel your arteries growing hard
As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard

It's no wonder that the food is so gross
The health department is afraid to come close
So everybody better hold your nose
In the school cafeteria today

So listen very closely, all you girls and guys
Here's a little message to the wise
You'd better not try the chili surprise
In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah
In the school cafeteria today

 

[fox69]

"School Cafeteria - Version 2"

"School Cafeteria - Version 2"



Now, let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria
It's got all the others beat
It sells over four million burgers a year
Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat

My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm
But my burrito is much too cold
You know a school cafeteria is the only place
That sells artificially colored mold

You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production
They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg
I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria
You can buy a taco and get Bubonic Plague

Today in the school cafeteria
They introduced a brand new malt
It's called boysenberry dysentery
Please pass the salt

The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill
The enchiladas are enough to kill
Before you eat, you'd better make out your will
In the school cafeteria today

After sixty-three years in the business
Our cook still hasn't got The Knack
And all the food in the school cafeteria
Comes from CARE packages that were sent back

Feel your arteries growing hard
As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard

It's no wonder that the food is so gross
The health department is afraid to come close
So everybody better hold your nose
In the school cafeteria today

So listen very closely, all you girls and guys
Here's a little message to the wise
You'd better not try the chili surprise
In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah
In the school cafeteria today

 

[fox69]

"She Drives Like Crazy"

"She Drives Like Crazy"



Where'd you learn how to steer
You do eighty in second gear
When you drive, I can't relax
Got your license from Cracker Jacks
You just hit another tree
These fender benders are killin' me

She drives like crazy
Like no one else
She drives like crazy
And I'm afraid for myself

They'll put you behind bars
We're not playin' bumper cars
Did a great figure eight
In the middle of the interstate
Tires squeal wherever we go
Even hitchhikers just say no

She drives like crazy
Her car's a mess
She drives like crazy
She's got a death wish I guess

She's a demon
Behind the wheel
Thinks she's drivin'
The Batmobile

Burnin' rubber in school zones
Runnin' over traffic cones
Passin' "semi-"s on the right
Now my knuckles are turnin' white

She drives like crazy
She'll break our necks
She drives like crazy
She always gets into wrecks

She drives like crazy
Like no one else
She drives like crazy
Now I'm afraid for myself

She drives like crazy
Like no one else
She drives like crazy
And I'm afraid for myself

 

[fox69]

"She Never Told Me She Was A Mime"

"She Never Told Me She Was A Mime"



When we first met she seemed perfectly normal
I never dreamed she'd make my life so hard
You see, my baby, she started to change
Started lookin' kinda strange
Wearin' all that white makeup and those black leotards
Well, I guess she kept her little secret pretty well
Now, ever since I learned the horrible truth, you know my life has been a living hell
That's right, you see...

She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime, oh no
Actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the time
She never told me, she never told me she was a...
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mime

I wish we both could just talk it all over
But my baby won't even make a sound
Now she makes everybody sick
Doin' that pantomime shtick
Even our old friends have stopped coming around
Well, my parents can't stand her and our neighbors hate her guts
She's really, really embarrassing me... this silent treatment's driving me nuts
You see...

She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime, oh no
Now she's actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the time... what a crime
She never told me (she never told me) she never told me she was a mime

She walks against the wind everywhere we go
Stops at every corner, gotta put on a show
Carries 'round a picture of Marcel Marceau
Always the wuiet type, but how was I know to know?

She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime, oh no
Actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the ti-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yime
She never told me, she never told me she was a mime

 

[fox69]

"Since You've Been Gone"

"Since You've Been Gone"



Since you've been gone
Well, I feel like I've been chewing on tinfoil
Since you've been gone
It's like I got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil
Oh well, I'm feelin like I stuck my hand
Inside a blender and turned it on
You know, I've been in a buttload of pain
Since you've been gone

(Since you've been gone)
I couldn't feel any worse if you dropped
A two-ton bowling ball on my toes
(Since you've been gone)
It couldn't hurt any more if you shoved
A red-hot cactus up my nose

Since you've been gone
Well, it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day
Since you've been gone
It's like I've got an ice cream headache that won't go away
Ever since that day you left me
I've been so miserable, my dear
I feel almost as bad as I did
When you were still here

 

[fox69]

"Skipper Dan"

"Skipper Dan"



I starred in every high school play
Blew every drama teacher away
I graduated first in my class at Juilliard
Took every acting workshop I could
And I dreamed of Hollywood
While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard

Hit the boards and paid my dues
And got phenomenal rave reviews
I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt
I was sure that Tarantino would be callin' me on the phone
Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone
But the years have come and gone
And I'm sorry to say that's not the way that it's all worked out

I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I'm doin' 34 shows every day
And every time it's the same
Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears
Just like they've done for the last 50 years
Now I'm laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside
Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride

Oh, the critics, they used to say
I was the new Olivier
Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes
Aw, but don't bother tryin' to IMDB me
The only place you might possibly see me
Is ridin' my little boat around Adventureland
It ain't exactly what I planned

But I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I'm doin 34 shows every day
And every time it's the same
I would've killed if I'd been in "Speed The Plow"
But what's the difference, that's all behind me now
Cause I'm payin' the rent and I'm swallowin my pride
And I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride

I should be there on Broadway
Knockin' 'em dead in "12 Angry Men"
But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes
Again and again and again and again and again and again and again

Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet!
That's an African bull elephant...
And there it is, the backside of water!
What have I done with my life?!

I shoulda listened when my grandfather said
"Why don't you major in business instead?"
Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died
And I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
Skipper Dan is the name
And I'm doin' 34 shows every day
And every time it's the same
Look at those hippos, they're wigglin their ears
Somebody shoot me cause I'm bored to tears
Always said I'd be famous... I guess that I lied
Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
I'm still workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride