Frank Zappa

[fox69]

"Fembot In A Wet T-Shirt"

"Fembot In A Wet T-Shirt"


[Act I]

[SCENE FIVE]
[THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST]

After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by
Toad-O's road crew, and being too exhausted to do
their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks
by entering the Wet T-Shirt contest at The Brasserie...

[IKE:]
Looks to me like something funny
Is going on around here
People laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin'
Entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they're ready to party
"Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Hot delight
Well the girls are excited
Because in a minute
They're gonna get wet
'N' the boys are delighted
Because all the titties
Will get 'em upset
'N' they all think they are Reety-awright
'N' they're ready to boogie
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Pink delight
When the water gets on'em
Their ninnies get rigid
'N' look pretty bold
It's a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it's cold
'N'all of the fellas
They wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin' off tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
And it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!

At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and
bought a groovy sport coot and moved to Miami and changed
his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new role as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE...

[BUDDY JONES:]
Ah, thanks, IKE...
Yes, it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
Here at The Brasserie... Home of THE TITS... huh huh...
And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the semi-finals...
Hi,Mary...howya doin?

Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY does
not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills

 

[fox69]

"Find Her Finer"

"Find Her Finer"



Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

If you should see a girl on the street
Now maybe you might think she is sweet
But if you wanna tickle her treat
Now really, what should you do?
(Rat-tat-tat-tat ta-da!)

Don't never let her know you are smart
The universe is no place to start
You gotta play it straight from the heart
She gwine renunciate you
(That's why you gotta . . . )

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Now maybe you might think this is crude
And maybe you might think I am rude
And maybe this approach I have spewed
Is not the one for you
(Rat-tat-tat-tat ta-da!)

But believe me later on you'll find
As you impress her with your mind
That you would just be left behind
For a wiser fool
(So you might as well)

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

 

[fox69]

"Fine Girl"

"Fine Girl"



Well, yeah, well,

Oh yeah,
She was a fine girl
She could get down wit de get down
All de way down
She do yer laundry
She change a tire
Chop a little wood for de fire
Poke it around ... if it died down

Oh yeah,
She was a fine girl
She go up in the mornin'
She go down in the evenin'... all de way down
She do the dishes
If you wishes
Silverware too
Make it look brand new... when she get through

Oh yeah,
She was a fine girl
Outa this world

Well, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well,

Oh yeah,
She was a fine girl
She could get down wit de get down
All de way down
She do your laundry
She change a tire
Chop a little wood for de fire
Poke it around ... if it died rlown

Oh yeah
She was a fine girl
With a lovely smile
With a bucket on her head
Fulla water from de well
She could run a mile

Oh yeah
She wouldn't spill a drop
It'd stay on top
Her head was kinda flat
But her hair covered that

She was a fine girl
Didn't need no school
She was built like a mule
With a thong sandal
Well, wasn't no kinda job she could not handle
She could get down ... wit de get down
All de way down

We need some more like dat, in dis kinda town
We need some more like dat, in dis kinda town

 

[fox69]

"Flakes"

"Flakes"



Flakes! Flakes!
Flakes! Flakes!

They don't do no good
They never be workin'
When they oughta should
They waste your time
They're wastin' mine
California's got the most of them
Boy, they got a host of them
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
They got the Flakes

Flakes! Flakes!

They can't fix yer brakes
You ask 'em, "Where's my motor?"
"Well it was eaten by snakes . . ."
You can stab 'n' shoot 'n' spit
But they won't be fixin' it
They're lyin' an' lazy
They can be drivin' you crazy
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
(Take it away, Bob. . .)

I asked as nice as I could
If my job would
Somehow be finished by Friday
Well, the whole damn weekend
Came 'n' went, Frankie
(Wanna buy some mandies, Bob?)
'N'they didn't do nothin'
But they charged me double for Sunday
You know, no matter what you do
They gonna cheat 'n' rob you
Then they'll send you a bill
That'll get your senses reelin'
And if you do not pay
They got computer collectors
That'll get you so crazy
Til your head'll go through th' ceilin'
Yes it will!

I'm a moron 'n' this is my wife
She's frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All what we got here's
American made
It's a little bit cheesey,
But it's nicely displayed
Well we don't get excited when it
Crumbles 'n' breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some Flakes
They rush on over
'N' wreck it some more
'N' we are so dumb
They're linin' up at our door
Well, the toilet went crazy
Yesterday afternoon
The plumber he says
"Never flush a lampoon!"
This great information
Cost me half a week's pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day WOO-OOO

We are millions 'n' millions
We're coming to get you
We're protected by unions
So don't let it upset you
Can't escape the conclusion
It's probably God's Will
That civilization
Will grind to a standstill
And we are the people
Who will make it all happen
While yer children is sleepin',
Yer puppy is crappin'
You might call us Flakes
Or something else you might coin us
But we know you're so greedy
That you'll probably join us
We're comin' to get you, we're comin' to get you
We're comin' to get you, we're comin' to get you
We're comin' to get you, we're comin' to get you
We're comin' to get you, we're comin' to get you

 

[fox69]

"Flambay"

"Flambay"



He used to be very kind . . .
(In his own crude way)
He wasn't always like I wanted him to be!

He wasn't smart
He wasn't handsome either
But he thrilled me
When he drilled me
And I've never loved a monster quite like HE . . .

Because his
Love
Was so
'FLAM-BAY'!

His kisses burned me so
His kisses turned me
From a Queen
On a throne
To a SHRIVELLING STOOL!

Here I stand,
All alone:
A SPIDER'S FOOL!
(When it's ME he needs
To fondle his tool!)

I guess some
Bugs
Are just
THAT WAY!

He don't really need your love
He don't really NEED you . . .

To be there
When his hair
Gets matted and gray,
With a broom
Cleaning his room,
From the mess he made that day
Out of earthling arms
He nibbled away!

Oh HUNCHENTOOT, my love
How could you desert me now?
Oh, HUNCHENTOOT you brute!
Can't you see I WANT you

Stay with me!
FLAGRANTLY!
And we'll have ECSTASY
For ALL ETERNITY!

Because your
Love
Is so
'FLAM-BAY'

You kisses burn me so!
Your kisses turn me
From a Queen
On a throne
To a SHRIVELLING STOOL!

I don't mind
If you're unkind, 'cause
SPIDERS RULE!

Yes, YOU'RE ALL REAL COOL,
With those little WEBS you SPOOL,
And all your 'SPIDER DROOL' . . . Oh!
Let me float in your pool!

 

[fox69]

"Florentine Pogen"

"Florentine Pogen"


[includes a quote from Louie Louie (Richard Berry)]

Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Yow-ooh
Yow-yoo-yow
La-la la-la la-la la-la
Ba-la ba-la na-la

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
(You-ooh)
Read 'em 'n weep
Was here adjustable slogan
(Ah-ah-ah-ah-ahh)

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan

WOO-LAH!

That's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot brakes
That's the kinda sound she makes
(ooh, let go uh me)
When her crab cakes
(Arf arf arf)

She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk & got shorter
(Ointment)
Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter

She didn't want to go home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how Perellis might court her

Na-na-na, na-na-noo
Na-na-na, yah-ah-hoo
Na-na-na, na-na-noo
Na-na-na, yah-ah-hoo

She was the daughter
Ah-ah-ahhh
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Ga-ya-ee-annnn

Read 'em 'n weep
Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay
Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH
Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH

Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go
Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche

 

[fox69]

"Flower Punk"

"Flower Punk"


[based on Hey Joe (Roberts)]
[includes a quote from Wild Thing (Taylor)]
[the 1984 re-mix also includes a quote from My Sharona (Fieger/Averre)]

Hey Punk, where you goin' with that flower in your hand?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that flower in your hand?

Well, I'm goin' up to Frisco to join a psychedelic band.
I'm goin' up to Frisco to join a psychedelic band.

Hey Punk, where you goin' with that button on your shirt?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that button on your shirt?

I'm goin' to the love-in to sit & play my bongos in the dirt.
Yes, I'm goin' to the love-in to sit & play my bongos in the dirt.

Hey Punk, where you goin' with that hair on your head?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that hair on your head?

I'm goin' to the dance to get some action, then I'm goin' home to bed.
I'm goin' to the dance to get some action, then I'm goin' home to bed.

Hey Punk, where you goin' with those beads around your neck?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with those beads around your neck?

I'm goin' to the shrink so he can help me be a nervous wreck . . .

Hey Punk!
Punky!
Hey Punk!
Punk!
Hey Punk!
(Hey Punk!)
Hey Punk!
Hey Punk!
Punky!
(Hey Punk!)
Hey-hey!
(Hey Punk!)
Go man, go . . . go man, go . . .
. . . Soft gun . . .
Golly, do I ever have a lot of soul?
Punk, I think I love you!
Come on, Roy
Questi dominga?
Let me see that nose, it didn't . . .
I wanna know for sure!
Leave my nose alone please!
What are you trying to do?
It's him over there
Longa!
Tic Tac!

[FZ on the left:]
It's one of the most exciting things that's ever happened to me
You know, every time I think about how lucky I am to be in the rock & roll industry, it's SO exciting. You know, when I first got into the rock & roll business I could barely even play the changes to this song on my, on my guitar. But now I'm very proficient at it, I can play the guitar, I can strum it rhythmically, I can sing along with my guitar as I strum. I can strum, sing, dance, I can make merry fun all over the stage. And you know, it's so wonderful to . . . It's wonderful to feel that I'm doing something for the kids, because I know that the kids and their music are where it's at. The youth of America today is so wonderful . . . And I'm proud to be a part of this gigantic mass reception. I hope she sees me twirling, yes . . . I hope she sees me dancing and twirling, I will say: "Hello, darling!"
Is the song over?

[FZ on the right:]
Boy, this is really exciting, making a rock & roll record. I can't even wait until our record comes out and the teen-agers start to buy it. We'll all be rich and famous! When my royalty check comes I think I'm going to buy a Mustang. No, I think I'll . . . I think I'll get a Corvette. No, I think I'll get a Harley Davidson. No, I don't think I'll buy any of those cars. I think what I will do is I will buy a boat. No, I won't do that either. I think, ah, I'll go into real estate. I think I would like to . . . I think I'd like to buy La Cienega Boulevard. No, that wouldn't do any good. Gee, I wonder if they can see me up here, twirling my tambourine and dancing . . .
Maybe after the show one of the girls who sees me up here, singing and twirling my tambourine and dancing, will like me. And she will come over to me and I will walk . . . I will walk up to her and I will smile at her and I will impress her and I will say: "Hello, baby, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this? I'm from a rock & roll band, I think we should . . . "
Is the song over?

[Center mumbling:]
Ay, ay!
Mingia!
When do we get paid for this?
Ay, ay!
Stop sloppy rock & roll
Slop sloppy . . .
One more time!
Un . . .
Stop sloppy rock & roll
Bop bop bop!
YEAH! WHEEE!

 

[fox69]

"Food Gathering In Post-Industrial America, 1992"

"Food Gathering In Post-Industrial America, 1992"


When the last decrepit factory has dumped its final load of toxic waste into the water supply and shipped its last badly manufactured, incompetently designed consumer thing, we gaze in astonishment as the denizens of NU-PERFECT AMERICA, dine on rats (mmmmm), poodles, Styrofoam packing pellets, all floating in a broth of tritium-enriched sewage, roasting the least diseased body parts of abandoned wild children accumulating since the total ban on abortion a few years back.

 

[fox69]

"For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers)"

"For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers)"


[includes a quote from The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary]

Where did they go?
When did they come from?
What has become of them now?
How much was the leakage
From the drain in the night
And who are those dudes
In the back seat of Calvin's car?

Where did they go?
When they got off the car?
Did they go get a sandwich
And eat in the dark?

 

[fox69]

"For The Young Sophisticate"

"For The Young Sophisticate"



Baby baby why you cryin'
Feeling sorry what she said
Put down that rag, I told her then
Don't wanna hear you cry again
Dear heart, dear heart
Tell me, tell me what's the reason
Dear heart, dear heart
Tell me, tell me what's the reason
You know she went to see the doctor
And then she read a magazine
Forget that book, 1 told her then
Don't wanna hear about the book again
Dear heart. dear heart
Work out, Vinnie
Tell me, tell me what's the reason
Dear heart, dear heart
I thought you were in love, Vinnie
Tell me, tell me what's the reason
There was a picture on the story
That showed a young sophisticator
Who falls in love three pages later
With some aggressive agitator
And by and by he comes to hate her
'Cause she don't shave her underarms
And he can't go for that
'Cause he's a young sophisticator
Baby baby why you cryin'
It made me wonder what she said
Forget that book I told her then
Don't want to hear 'bout the book again
Dear heart, dear heart
Tell me, tell me what's the reason
Dear heart, dear heart
How you doin, Vinnie?
Tell me, tell me what's the reason
Would you still love me if my hair grew
All down the side of my kimono
Well of course I would, it might be hip
If it did not cause you to trip
Dear heart, dear heart
Or radiate a bad aroma
Dear heart, dear heart
Or radiate a cheap aroma
Dear heart, dear heart
Or radia-iaate, or radia-ia-ia-iate
Butzis aroma
Ha ha ha ha ha ha