Frank Zappa

[fox69]

"Do You Like My New Car?"

"Do You Like My New Car?"


[includes a quote from Tell Me You Love Me]

[Mark:] I mean really . . .
[Howard:] Rant-rant-rant-rt-rt-rt-rant-nt . . .
[Mark:] You are . . . you gotta tell me something . . . I mean, seriously, I'm tellin' you, this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and I have ever met anybody reallyfrom Hollywood . . . I mean . . . really my girlfriend Jim and Ian and . . . Aynsley and Bob and . . . Frank . . . I mean, none of us . . . we've never . . .
[Howard:] Pleased to meet you . . .
[Ian:] Hi Howie
[Mark:] We've never met a pop star from Hollywood . . . tell me something: have you ever met Davy Jones . . . or . . .
[Howard:] No . . .
[Mark:] . . . or Bobby Sherman?
[Howard:] No, I . . .
[Mark:] I mean . . . David Cassidy, he's so . . .
[Howard:] No . . . Jimmy Greenspoon, and once I . . .
[Mark:] Three Dog Night?
[Howard:] Yeah . . .
[Mark:] Oh! I love them! They're my favorite band! oh gawd . . . oh, do you like my new car . . . ? My dad just gave it to me for graduation
[Howard:] Oh, yeah . . . ! It's a . . . it's a Fillmore, isn't it? Real futuristic, ah . . . I dig the fins . . . listen: do you know how to get to the, ah, Holiday Inn from here?
[Mark:] No, ah . . . which one is it?
[Howard:] (Burp) . . . excuse me . . . It's . . . it's . . . it's the one by the airport . . . you know . . . 'cause we gotta . . . we gotta get up early an' . . . fly outta here in the morning, you know?
[Mark:] Oh! Oh, I didn't know that . . .
(Oh, yeah!)
[Mark:] Where . . . where d'you guys play tomorrow night? I mean . . . I'd like to come maybe . . . in your bus or somethin'...
[Howard:] Yeah?
(In the BUS!)
[Howard:] Come in the bus, huh? Tomorrow we're in ah, let's see . . . Tierra del Fuego
[Mark:] Oh . . . You're so professional, Howie!
[Howard:] Oh, it's not . . .
[Mark:] Howie, I mean . . .
[Howard:] It's nothing . . .
[Mark:] I mean the way you're gettin' to p . . . to play n all these exotic places, I mean . . .
[Howard:] Yeah
[Mark:] Tell me something, tell me and all my girl- TELL me . . . do you really have a hit record . . . on the charts now . . . with a BULLET? I mean that's really important to me . . .
[Howard:] Listen, honey . . . would I lie to you just to . . . get in your pants?
[Mark:] He-Hey! Listen!
[Jim:] Hey, hey . . .
[Mark:] Hey, listen to me . . . tell him : WE ARE NOT GROUPIES!
[Howard:] No, I never . . . I never said that. . .
[Mark:] We're not groupies! You better understand . . . I told Robert Plant it, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys . . .
[Howard:] Robert PLANET?!
[Mark:] We are not groupies!
[Howard:] No, I never . . .
[Mark:] Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me!
[Howard:] No, I never . . . I . . . it's obvious to see why . . . Listen, I've never . . .
[Mark:] And my . . .
[Jim:] Howard . . .
[Mark:] Tell him! Tell him right now!
[Jim:] We only like musicians for f-friends, you know?
[FZ:] Real straight arrow, Howie
[Mark:] Really . . . just for friends, Howie . . .
[Jim:] But we still like you
[FZ:] Yeah, we wouldn't mind coming in your bus, though
[Jim:] I mean, we still want to hear your record...
[Howard:] Listen you chicks, now didn't . . . didn't you just say that you got off bein' juked with a BABY OCTOPUS . . . and spewed upon with creamed corn . . . an' that your harelipped dyke-o bass-playing girlfriend on the backseat had to have it with a Yoo-hoo bottle or she went apeshit . . . ?!
[Mark:] Oh . . .
[Howard:] What's the deal, baby?
[Mark:] Howie!
[Howard:] Come on . . .
[Mark:] Howie, listen to me, all that's true . . .
[Howard:] Come across, like . . . you know?
[Mark:] I swear, all that's true, and sometimes I even dig it with a Dr. Brown's Cream Soda . . . or a Cel-Ray! But . . . we are not groupies! No matter what you think . . .
[Howard:] No, I never . . .
[Mark:] We are not groupies . . .
[Howard:] You see, there seems to be some kind of a communications problem, honey, because I . . . I'm a lonely guy from outta town, you know, an' . . . an' I want some ACTION . . . what . . . what I'm talkin' about is, I wanna . . . a-a steaming, succulent, ever-widening, gooey, drippy, runny kind of a hole with a . . . with . . . how shall I put this . . . ? What say we hop in the trunk of your Gremlin AN' GET OUR ROCKS OFF?
[Mark:] Hey! Hey-hey-hey-heyyyy . . . Jesus!
[FZ:] Very agile, Howie, very agile!
[Mark:] I'm in this band, man . . . I am in this band no matter what we do up here . . . you know . . . Now listen, it just so happens . . .
[Howard:] Yeah . . .
[Mark:] Tonight me and my girlfriends, I mean, we've all come here for one thing tonight . . .
[Howard:] Yeah?
[Mark:] Looking for a guy . . . And we're looking for a guy from a group . . .
[Howard:] Wow!
[Mark:] BUT HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK!
[Howard:] NO!
[Mark:] AND HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK THAT'S A MONSTER!!
[Howard:] WAAAAAAAAH . . . ! That's me!! That's me! Oh . . . Oh, you voluptuous Manhattan Island clit . . .
[FZ:] I swear he was a Manhattan Island . . .
[Howard:] Take me, I'm yours, you hole . . . fulfil my . . . wildest dreams!
[Mark:] Ooooh! Anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive . . . pop star of a man . . .
[Howard:] Yeah?
[Mark:] Picture this if you can
[Howard:] Oh . . .
[Mark:] Bead jobs!
[Howard:] Oh!
[Mark:] Knotted nylons!
[Howard:] Oh!
[Mark:] Bamboo canes!
[Howard:] Oh!
[Mark:] Three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fighting in the dressing-room of the Fillmore East!
[Howard:] Oh!
[Mark:] One enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shoved up and down in between a donkey's legs until he can't stand it no more . . . ! All this and more, Howie, including: an electric coolde pony harness, with fuel injection . . . fuel injection . . . fuel injection . . .
[Howard:] Oh . . . my God, I . . . I . . . I can't stand it! I mean . . . I mean, do you understand the implications of what I'm saying? I . . . I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND . . . FEET ON FIRE . . . I'M GOING HOME! I GOTTA SEE MY BABY! I GONNA . . . SO HOT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT . . . I CAN'T STAND IT . . . I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T . . . OH! OH NO! OH . . . GOD . . .! I can't stand it! Oh . . . I really can't stand it . . . please . . . give it to me . . . give it to me right here in the trunk of your Gremlin . . . give me . . . GIVE ME THE ENCHILADA WITH THE PICKLE SAUCE SHOVED UP AND DOWN THE DONKEY'S ASS UNTIL HE CAN'T COME ANYMORE!
[Mark:] Hey-hey! Not until you sing me your big hit record! And I wanna hear the big hit record, and I wanna hear it now, an' I wanna hear the big hit record now with a bullet! With a bullet!
[Howard:] The bullet?
[Mark:] The BULLET! The BULLET! It's the part that gets me the hottest . . . now sing me that record, and I wanna hear it right now or you ain't driving nowhere tonight, buddy . . .
[Howard:] Well . . . I know when I'm licked . . . all over . . . Okay, baby: BEND OVER AND SPREAD 'EM! Here comes my . . . BULLET!!

 

[fox69]

"Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You?"

"Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You?"


Dee-goo-pee-oo-poo
Ta-dan!

[Bad Conscience:]
Does this kind of life look interesting to you? Night after night, dinners with Herb Cohen. Thrill-packed, fun-filled evenings on the French Riviera at the MIDEM convention. A big tie, the whole bit. Watch Mutt eat, and Leon feed the geese. One thousand green business cards, with your name and the wrong address. Plus six royalty statements, inspected and customized by ran toon tan han toon frammet and dee. Followed by twelve potential suicides as the members of your group, past and present, find out they can't collect unemployment. A dog, a car, an epidemic of body lice with your own record company, your name on the door, electric buzzer to the inner office, Ona's tits, and a three month supply of German bookings with tickets on Air Rangoon. Does this kind of life look interesting to you? As a big rock and roll guitar player in a comedy group?

Hunna hunna hunna

200 Motels
200 Motels
Ran toon han toon
Han-toon-hannnnnn!
200 Motels

[Jeff:]
I'm stealing the room!
I'm stealing the room!
I'm stealing the room!

[Chorus:]
Stealing the room
Stealing the
Stealing the room
(Stealing the room)
I'm
I'm
(Stealing)
Stealing
Stealing
I'm
I'm
Stealing

 

[fox69]

"Dog Breath"

"Dog Breath"



Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah!
Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah!
Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah!
Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah!

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
(Fuzzy Dice . . . )
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
(My ship of love . . . )
Is ready to attack

Paint me a carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
(Fuzzy Dice . . . )
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
(My ship of love . . . )
Is ready to attack
Won't you please hear my plea
Won't you please hear my plea
Hear my plea
Hear my plea
Hear my plea
Hear my plea

Yeah!

Hear my plea
Hear my plea
Hear my plea
Hear my plea

Thank you very much! Yeah!

 

[fox69]

"Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague"

"Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague"


[includes music from the World's Greatest Sinner soundtrack]

AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . .
AY-YEAH . . . AY-YEAH . . .
La la la la la wee-ooo (Ay!)
La la la la la wee-ooo (Woo-pah!)
Bom-bop-bom bom-bom-pa-paw,.
Bom-bop-bom bom-bom-pa-paw, etc.
La la la la la wee-ooo (Uh-uh-hey!)
La la la la la wee-ooo (Yeah-pah-hey!)
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit

Please, hear my plea!

Cucuroo carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love is
Ready to attack

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
Ready to attack
Won't you please hear my plea

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Got me to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
Ready to attack

 

[fox69]

"Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?"

"Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?"



Ladies and gentlemen,
Watch Ruth!
All through this film
Ruth has been thinkin':
"What can I possibly do
That will amaze everyone?"
I think she's come up with the answer,
Just keep your eye on her!

Thank you!

 

[fox69]

"Dong Work For Yuda"

"Dong Work For Yuda"


[Act II]

[SCENE TWELVE]
[DONG WORK FOR YUDA]

[CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:]
Hello there...this is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
Joe was sent to a special prison where they keep all the
other criminals from the music business...you know...
the ones who get caught...it's a horrible place, painted
all green on the inside, where musicians and former executives
take turns snorting detergent and plooking each other...

(As the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER chuckles to himself for a moment,
FATHER RILEY, who became BUDDY JONES, steps into view in his
new identity: FATHER RILEY 8. JONES, Prison Chaplain, who, in a rather
heavy-handed piece of imagery, is now entrusted with the job of singing
this song as he assists the captured executives in their quest for new
meat to plook, and, once having found these victims for the princes of
the industry, trades them little blobs of sanctified lubricant jelly forcigarettes
and candy bars while he holds them down so the execs won't have to work
too hard when they stick it in.)
... Anyway, while he's in there he meets this guy who used to be
a promo man for a major record company, Bald-Headed John...
King of the Plookers...

[FATHER RILEY B. JONES:]
This is the story 'bout Bald-Headed John

[FORMER EXECS:]
Dong work for Yuda, Dong, Dong

[FATHER RILEY B. JONES:]
He talks a lot 'n it's usually wrong

[FORMER EXECS:]
Dong work for Yuda, Dong, Dong

[FATHER RILEY B. JONES:]
He said Dong was Wong,
'N Wong was Kong
'N Dong work for Yuda,
N John was wrong

[FORMER EXECS:]
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
Dong work for Yuda
Dong, Dong
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
He said Dong was Wong
And Wong was Kong
And Dong was Gong
'N John was wrong

[FATHER RILEY B. JONES:]
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage that will make you fart
John's got a sausage that will break your heart
Make you fart
And break your heart
Don't bend over if you are smart
He took a little walk to the weenie stand
Johns got a sausage
Yeh man
A great big weenie in both his hands
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
He sucked on the end 'til the mustard squirt
He said. "Ya'll stand back 'cause you might get hurt'

[FORMER EXECS:]
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
Johns got a sausage
Yeh man
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
He said Dong was Wong
Wong was Kong
Kong was Gong
'N" John was wrong
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

[BALD-HEADED JOHN:]
Make way for the iron shaschige

[FORMER EXECS:]
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

[BALD-HEADED JOHN:]
I need a dozen towels so the boys can take a shower

[FORMER EXECS:]
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

[BALD-HEADED JOHN:]
Bartender, bring me a colada and milk

[FORMER EXECS:]
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

[BALD-HEADED JOHN:]
On second thought, make that a water . . .

 

[fox69]

"Doreen"

"Doreen"



Doreen. . .don't make me wait
Til tomorrow
Oh-wo-no-oh-wo...
Please darling
Let me love you tonight
An' it'll beawright
You.. .can't make me say
I don't want you
Oh-wo-no-oh-wo.. .
My heart
Is burning with love
And I want you tonight

I really love you
You make me feel good
Please don't deceive me
Doreen you know you should
Stay with me always
We could be lovers
Doreen you're different
Then all the. . .others

Doreen. . .don't make me wait
Til tomorrow
Oh-wo-no-oh-wo...
Please darling
Let me love you tonight
An' it'll be awright
You. . .can't make me say
I don't want you
Oh-wo-no-oh-wo
My heart
Is burning with love
And I want you tonight

 

[fox69]

"Drafted Again"

"Drafted Again"



Registered mail.. .special delivery
OH NO
You're gonna hafta sign fer this, buddy
OH NO
I know you're in there, ya little sumbitch
OH NO
Goddam little communist. . .
(weep, weep, weep)

I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna go
I don't wanna get drafted
PHOOEY!

I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna go
I don't wanna get drafted
NO-OH-WOH-OH-WOH. ..
Roller skates 'n disco
It's a lot of fun
I'm too young 'n stupid
To operate a gun

LaCelia Jackson! Come on down!
I DONT WANNA GET DRAFTED
Nancy Butterworth! Come on down!
You're the next contestants on
SOOOOO WHAT!
I DON'T WANNA GET DRAFTED
And, but, also...
I DON'T WANNA GET DRAFTED
A new car!
I DONT WANNA GET DRAFTED
But that's not all. . .

My-y-y sister don't wanna get drafted
She don't wanna go
My sister don't wanna get drafted
My-y-y sister don't wanna get drafted
She don't wanna go
My sister don't wanna get drafted
Wars are really ugly
They're dirty and they're cold
I don't want nobody
To shoot me in the fox hole.. .fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee. . .shot in the fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee. . .shot in the fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee. . .shot in the fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee. . .shot in the fox hole
"Leave my nose alone, please...''

 

[fox69]

"Drop Dead"

"Drop Dead"


[includes Amnerika]

[FZ synclavier]

[Harry:]
JESUS, that was terrific! I've never experienced anything quite like that in a theater before! How 'bout you, RHONDA?

[Rhonda:]
You're a worm, HARRY. Drop dead. God, you're disgusting! Don't touch me! YUCK! What is this scum on your chest? Did that little rubber MAMMY 'do something' on you?

[Thing-Fish: (alarmed)]
OB'DEWLLA! You lil' vagrant! What you been up to wit de chump over deahh? Lemme see yo' draw's! Uh-HUHHHH! Jes' couldn't hep y'seff, could ya! Pheww! You best be washin' dat thang off, dahlin'! I knows we's sposed ta be un-DESTRUCTABLE, but what you got ripenin' down dere be puttin' us all to DE TEST! Yow!

[Evil Prince: (fake Broadway singing)]
Pers'nally, dahlin',
I found de pre-formnence
Wit de brief-case
To be un-creedably stim-u-lat-nin'!

[Rhonda:]
Eat shit, you overbearing male chauvinist member of the scientific community!

[Thing-Fish:]
What a sweet lil' hunk o' heaven she growed up t'be! When she were deflateable, she dint say nothin' . . . jes kept her face open like dis . . . waitin' fo de salami dat never 'rived! Now she fuckin' de briefcase, dumpin' de paper all over de flo', hair up in a ugly ol' bun, fountain pen danglin' out her asshole, an' talkin' dirty to a member o' de ROYAL FAM'LY!

Girl! Dis cocksucker mights be EVIL, but he AM a PRINCE! Now he be talkin' de vernakluh, I's findin' it consid'rubly mo' cornvemient to indemnify wit his 'point-o-view!

[Evil Prince:]
Sho' nuff! Um-hmm! Yeah! You a WISE ol' MAMMY! Where you fum, 'rijnlyy?

[Thing-Fish:]
Why . . . uh . . . SAINT LOOMIS!

[Evil Prince:]
Goddam! I knew it! I knew it! I could jes' make it out from yo' renunciation! Sho' get hot down deahh in de summer time!

[Thing-Fish:]
DAT no lie . . . people be croakin' all over de fuckin' place! I sees y'all like dat sort o' thang . . . jedgin' fum yo' wa'd-robe, y'all be WELL INTO death 'n pestilence 'n shit! Prob'ly got yo-seff quite some 'spensive educashnin' goin' fo ya!

[Evil Prince:]
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Heh-heh! Saint Loomis! Damn! Some de ZOMBY-FOLK up de lab-mo-tory got kin deah!

[Thing-Fish:]
Naw! Really? Cain't be!

[Evil Prince:]
Oh hell yeah! De ugly dead muthafucker on de string deahh . . . he related to a buncha other ugly dead muthafuckers fum de East Side . . . 'n de curly-headed sho't lil' ugly dead muthafucker wit de dead dog been fuckin' de police commissioner!

[Thing-Fish:]
How you know so much 'bouts what gwine on down deahh, you EVIL COCKSUCKER! Y'all been stayin' quite well un-formed fum bein' in de lab-mo-tory most yo' time!

[Evil Prince:]
Jes' might distress yo ass to loin dat on de way home fum de SAN QUENTIM 'tater mashin' 'speri- ment, me 'n de country westin muzishnins' drop by de college to receive an honorary degree!

[Thing-Fish:]
You lyin', boy! Dey givin' degrees in 'TATER HUSBANDRY' back de ol' alma-motta!

[Evil Prince:]
Dat ALL dey givin' any mo'! Muthafuckin' 'TATER HUSBANDRY' be de wave o' de futchum in Saint Loomis! Graduatin' class were over 700, 'n evvy one of 'em dealin' wit dem 'taters like de shrimp-murderers down at Benny-Hanny's!

[Thing-Fish: (looking down at OB'DEWLLA)]
What? Huh? You wanna what? OB'DEWLLA, de PRINCE jes' be shootin' de home-town shit heahh! He ain't gwine give us no mo' provlem! What you mean, girl? Okay, okay! Go 'head 'n fuck de lil' CRAB-GRASS BABY wit de enormous white pompadour! Go on deah. Git down wit yo' nasty lil' ol' degenerate seff!

[Crab-Grass Baby:]
One-Adam-Twelve . . . see the MAMMY . . . take me to the movies, buy me a balloon . . .

[Thing-Fish:]
Twist 'n shout! Work it on out ('n in)! Hmmm! Get down! Go on! Give him a little shoe! Dat's what Denny be doin' . . . work on Jumbo evvy time! Go on! Get de lil' pompadour up in de air agin! I like dat part!

[Crab-Grass Baby:]
Stroke me pompadour . . . That's better, I feel better now . . .

[Thing-Fish:]
Hmmm! Jes' like de Olympics!

[Harry:]
It's-it's fascinating the way things are resolving themselves around here! I-I never would have suspected anything like this when we came in!

[Rhonda: (climbing out the rubber body-suit)]
Where are your real clothes, HARRY? Are you going back to Long Island like that?

[Harry:]
I have nothing to be ashamed of! I have a LOVELY body. Everyone will understand! I've ACCOMPLISHED something tonight! I really believe that! I've found a sort of fulfilment other men only DREAM about!

[Rhonda: (naked, re-stuffing the briefcase)]
You've accomplished NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! You're a MERE WORM . . . less than that . . . you're a useless ALL-AMERICAN 'MAN-WORM'! The most disgusting creature on the face of the earth. Phooey on you! Worms like you would be NOTHING without ME and MY KIND! WE are THE FUTURE, HARRY! Not you! WE don't need YOU and YOUR KIND, because OUR KIND is THE BEST KIND!

MAN-KIND is SHIT, HARRY! OUR KIND will get rid of YOUR KIND, just like wiping off this fountain pen, HARRY! Smell it quick, you submissive little cocksucker, 'cause I'm wiping it off . . . any minute now!

THIS IS SYMBOLISM, HARRY! Really DEEP, INTENSE, THOUGHT-PROVOKING BROADWAY SYMBOLISM! THIS ISN'T 'DREAM GIRLS', HARRY! This is the way it REALLY IS . . . I'm talking to you, HARRY! WE HATE YOU! WE are MODERN, HARRY! You are not 'MODERN'! Worms are not MODERN!

While YOU became LAWYERS and ACCOUNTANTS, and read PLAYBOY and bought a pipe, WE PLANNED and DREAMED and FUCKED OUR BRIEFCASES while you weren't looking! Yes, HARRY! That's right! And we've actually been able to REPRODUCE OURSELVES THAT WAY . . . FOR YEARS, HARRY, but YOU NEVER KNEW! Did you? You worm.

We had SPECIAL ATOMIC GLASSES made . . . by WOMEN OPTOMETRISTS who promised NEVER to TELL!

We learned how to hide SECRET STUFF, wrapped up in the middle of those severe terminal BUNS we wear! Little TRANSMITTERS, HARRY! Little RECEIVERS! Oh . . . don't pretend to be surprised, HARRY! We even had ROOM LEFT OVER in there for all of our most favorite little embroidered delicate secretly feminine child-like helpless pathetic sentimental totally useless PERSONAL 'GIRL-THINGS' that smell like the stuff they put in the toilet paper.

You played GOLF! You watched FOOTBALL! You drank BEER! We EVOLVED! We only look like WANDAS and RHONDAS! We are SUPERB, HARRY! We are SUBLIME! We are perfect in EVERY WAY! And you? What are you? You are the all-American cocksucker . . . jizzing all over your leather cocksucker costume after beating the snot out of yourself with a rubber MAMMY!

I simply can't respect you, HARRY! You are NO GOOD. Go ahead! Smell the pen! Go on . . . I'm wiping it HARRY . . . there you go . . .

[Not Really Harry's Voice:]
ECUAS-NZBE?

 

[fox69]

"Drowning Witch"

"Drowning Witch"



There's a ship arriving too late
To save a drowning witch
She was swimmin' along
Tryin' to keep a date
With a Merchant Marine
Who told her he was really rich
But it doesn't matter no more...
She's on the ocean floor
'N the water's all green down there
'N it's not very clean down there
'N water snakes
'N rusty wrecks
Is all that she can see
As the light goes dim
And she's tryin' to swim
Will she make it?
(Boy, we sure hope so...)

Not even a witch oughta be caughrt
On the bottom of America's spew-infested
Waterways, hey-hey...
She could get radiation all over her
She could mutate insanely...
She could mutate insanely... (that's right)
She could go on the freeway and grow up to be 15 feet tall
And scary-lookin'
And then...
Cars could crash all over the place
As a result of people with Hawaiian shirts on...
Lookin' up to see her face

Sardines in her eyebrows...
Lobsters up 'n down her forehead
All of them HORRIBLY LARGE FROM RADIATION ...
And smelling very bad
And DANGEROUS!

Maybe a submarine could save her,
And bring her home to the Navy...
For some kind of ritual sacrifice...