Frank Zappa

[fox69]

"Drums Are Too Noisy"

"Drums Are Too Noisy"


[Larry:] Drums are too noisy, 'n you've got no corners to hide in!

[John:] So when she's beating him over the nose with a tire iron. and then we both jump away and disappear, and the pig will turn around and there'll be this pony

 

[fox69]

"Dumb All Over"

"Dumb All Over"



Whoever we are
Wherever we're from
We shoulda noticed by now
Our behavior is dumb
And if our chances
Expect to improve
It's gonna take a lot more
Than tryin' to remove
The other race
Or the other whatever
From the face
Of the planet altogether
They call it THE EARTH
Which is a dumb kinda name
But they named it right
'Cause we behave the same...
We are dumb all over
Dumb all over,
Yes we are
Dumb all over,
Near'n far
Dumb all over
Black 'n white
People, we is not wrapped tight
Nurds on the left
Nurds on the right
Religious fanatics
On the air every night
Sayin' the Bible
Tells the story
Makes the details
Sound real gory
'Bout what to do
If the geeks over there
Don't believe in the book
We got over here
You can't run a race
Without no feet
'N pretty soon
There won't be no street
For dummies to jog on
Or doggies to dog on
Religious fanatics
Can make it be all gone
(I mean it won't blow up
'N disappear
It'll just look ugly
For a thousand years...)
You can't run a country
By a book of religion
Not by a heap
Or a lump or a smidgeon
Of foolish rules
Of ancient date
Designed to make
You all feel great
While you fold, spindle
And mutilate
Those unbelievers
From a neighboring state
TO ARMS! TO ARMS!
Hooray! That's great
Two legs ain't bad
Unless there's a crate
They ship the parts
To mama in
For souvenirs: two ears (Get down!)
Not his, not hers (but what the hey?)
The Good Book says:
"It's gotta be that way!"
But their book says:
"REVENGE THE CRUSADES. . .
With whips 'n chains
'N hand grenades. . ."
TWO ARMS? TWO ARMS?
Have another and another
Our Cod says:
"There ain't no other!"
Our Cod says
"It's all okay!"
Our God says "This is the way!"
It says in the book:
"Burn 'n destroy. ..
'N repent, 'n redeem
'N revenge, 'n deploy
'N rumble thee forth
To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side
'Cause they don't go for what's in the book
'N that makes 'em BAD
So verily we must choppeth them up
And stompeth them down
Or rent a nice French bomb
To poof them out of existence
While leaving their real estate just where we need it
To use again
For temples in which to praise OURGOD
("Cause he can really take care of business!")
And when his humble TV servant
With humble white hair
And humble glasses
And a nice brown suit
And maybe a blonde wife who takes phone calls
Tells us our God says
It's okay to do this stuff
Then we gotta do it,
'Cause if we don't do it,
We ain't gwine up to hebbin!
(Depending on which book you're using at the time...
Can't use theirs. . .it don't work . . .it's all lies...Gotta use mine...)
Ain't that right?
That's what they say
Every night...
Everyday. ..
Hey, we can't really be dumb
If we're just following
God's Orders
Hey, let's get serious...
God knows what he's doin'
He wrote this book here
An'the book says:
He made us all to be just like Him,"
so...
If we're dumb...
Then God is dumb...
(An' maybe even a little ugly on the side)

 

[fox69]

"Dummy Up"

"Dummy Up"


[Napoleon:]
Sunrise
Get up in the mornin'
You know, I think it's mornin'
Sun is shinin' bright
I'm gonna get outside
Gonna wash my face
Grab my hat
Put it on my head
I take a walk downtown
Yeah-hey . . .
Because I feel so-oh good
I think I'm gonna take a walk downtown
Hey! Sunlight!
Wo!
Somethin' I never seen before
Been a-walkin' down the street every day
Nobody like you ever passed my way
Maybe there must be too much sun
Couldn't be my hat, must be too much . . .
Wait a minute!
What's that you . . . ?
What's that?
What . . . ?
What's that?
What . . . ?
What's that?
What . . . ?

[FZ:]
Dummy Up

[Napoleon:]
What is that?
I know what that is, I know what that is . . .
I bet you that's a restaurant menu . . .
Let me see!
Let me see!

[Jeff:] Not only do you get the Desenex burger . . . not only the Desenex burger . . . but you are in for a real treat, Jim
[Napoleon:] Wait a minute, I think I like that dance better than this . . . What are you talkin' about, creep?
[Jeff:] What I'm talkin' about is you've been in this killer fog down here too long
[Napoleon:] What?
[Jeff:] You need somethin' to get up and go to school with
[Napoleon:] Wait a minute, you're not talkin' to an old fool now, you know, I wasn't born yesterday!
[FZ:] (Heh heh heh!)
[Napoleon:] Wait a minute . . . I think I'll take . . .
[Jeff:] I like that little dance you were doin' down there . . .
[FZ:] Jeff Simmons tries to corrupt Napoleon Murphy Brock by showing him a lewd dance and suggesting that he'd smoke a high-school diploma . . .
[Napoleon:] Hey! What you . . . what you . . . ? Wait a minute!
[Jeff:] Hey this, this stuff . . .
[Napoleon:] I've never seen one of these before . . . that's not a menu?
[Jeff:] This stuff is expensive
[Napoleon:] What is that?
[Jeff:] You shoot it, you'll conserve all winter
[Napoleon:] I do what?
[Jeff:] It last longer
[FZ:] Not only do you get the Desenex burger
[Napoleon:] No . . . no . . .
[Jeff:] Now come on, try it
[Napoleon:] No, no, no
[Jeff:] It's really good
[Napoleon:] No . . . Smoke THAT?!
[Jeff:] Have I ever lied to you? Have I ever seen you before?
[Napoleon:] I don't, I don't even know you!
[Jeff:] Look . . .
[Napoleon:] I don't even know what that is!
[Jeff:] Just bef . . .
[Napoleon:] And you're tellin' me to smoke it?!
[Jeff:] Just before, we smoked the tapes that you made
[Napoleon:] Smoked the tapes?
[Jeff:] Smoked the tapes of your group
[Napoleon:] I think I'd rather dance
[Jeff:] You can really get off! Let's try a joint of this
[Napoleon:] A WHAT?!
[Jeff:] A joint!
[Napoleon:] You mean this kinda joint?
[Jeff:] No, man! Where you been in livin'? Reseda?
[Napoleon:] No, San Jose
[FZ:] The evil dope pusher is cutting up a white gym sock, formerly owned by Carl Zappa and still damp. The shredded sock will be placed inside of a high-school diploma And ignited with a sulphur preparation . . .
[Napoleon:] Wait a minute . . .
[FZ:] His first taste of big city life
[Napoleon:] That's okay, wait a minute . . . wait . . .
(DUMMY UP . . . )
[Jeff:] Hey! The roach of this is really gonna be good, so I'll save it . . .

[FZ:] Have mercy!
[George:] Awright . . . awright . . .

[Napoleon:]
What d'you do with that thing?
What do you do with that thing that you have?
Wait a minute
Wait a minute
Wait a minute
What do you do
With that thing?
I wanna know

[Napoleon:] Wait a minute
[FZ:] Now the next step of this operation
Napoleon: Wait a minute!
[FZ:] The evil corrupter of youth is going to take him from Step One, which is a mere high-school diploma stuffed with a gym sock, to Step Two, which is a college-degree stuffed with absolutely nothing at all. Smoke that and it'll really get you out there!

[Napoleon:]
I still don't feel as good as I felt this mornin' . . . yeah yeah . . .

[FZ:] You'll grow out of it . . .

[Jeff:]
DUMMY UP!

[Napoleon:]
I heard it again, somebody said . . .

[Jeff:] You see this?

[Napoleon:]
What d'you mean? College!

[FZ:] College!

[Jeff:]
That's college-rhythm

[Napoleon:]
You mean if I smoke that
It's the same as if . . .
As if I was at college?
Roll it over up!
Roll it over up!
Roll it over up!
Gimme a . . .

[FZ:] No no, the college-degree is stuffed with absolutely nothing at all, you get . . . you get nothing with your college-degree . . .

[Napoleon:]
Oh . . .
But that's what I want

[FZ:] . . . I forgot, I'm sorry

[Napoleon:]
Well,
You get nothin',
But that's what I want

[FZ:] A true Zen saying: Nothing is what I want . . . The results of a higher education!

 

[fox69]

"Easy Meat"

"Easy Meat"



This girl is easy meat
I seen her on the street
See-thru blouse an' a tiny little dress
Her manner indiscreet...
I knew she was

Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

She wanna take me home
Make me sweat and moan
Rub my head and beat me off
With a copy of Ratlin'Stone

Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

I told her I was late
I had another date
I can't get off on the Rollin'Stone,
But the robots think it's great...
I knew she was

Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy,
Easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat
Easy

Aw the girl's so easy!
Easy
Saw her tiny titties
Through her see-thru blouse
I just had to take the girl to my house
Easy
Meat

 

[fox69]

"Echidna's Arf (Of You)"

"Echidna's Arf (Of You)"



Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Village . . .

 

[fox69]

"Eddie, Are You Kidding?"

"Eddie, Are You Kidding?"


[includes a quote from 16 Candles (Dixon/Khent)]

Eddie, are you kidding?
I've seen you on my TV
Eddie, are you kidding?
The people always ask me
I saw your double knits
I thought they were the pits
You threw it in a bag
And then you sent me home-
What!?
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!

Eddie, are you teasing
About your rancid garments?
Eddie, are you teasing
About your sixty tailors?
I'm coming over shortly
Because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me
In a fifty dollar suit-
Oh
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!

[Howard:] Eddie, my friends ask me, Eddie, Eddie, are you kidding? I wanna tell you something, my friends: I am not kidding. Here at Zachary All we have sixty tailors in the back room. We have the west's largest selections of portly's, regulars, longs, extra longs, and cadets. And my friends say to me: Eddie, Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits?
[Mark:] Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits?
[Howard:] And I tell them: I'll tell you something frankly, my friends- When the new double knits first came out, I was not impressed. But as you can see, these pants I'm wearing are double knit. They stretch in all the right places. They're the most comfortable. Our model Twiggy here will demonstrate. I have this lovely little
Seersucker . . . wait a minute

WHERE CAN I GO IN GARDENA?
AND WHERE CAN I GO IN L.A.?
AND WHERE CAN I GO IN ROSEMONT?
I NEED SOME THREADS TODAY

I need the knits
The double knits
I need the knits
They are the pits
I need the knits
The double knits
I'm coming over shortly
Because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me
In a fifty dollar suit-
Whew!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding me?
Eddie, are you kidding me?
Eddie, are you kidding me?

[Howard:] No, my friends, I'm not kidding, right here on the miracle mile we have the west's largest selections of . . .

Portly,
Regular,
Cadet,
Tall,
And long

[Howard:] And not only that- My brother Jake and Little Emil, and . . .

Sixty tailors!

 

[fox69]

"Electric Aunt Jemima"

"Electric Aunt Jemima"



Ow ow ow ow
Rundee rundee rundee
Dinny wop wop
Ow ow ow ow
Rundee rundee rundee
Dinny wop wop

Electric Aunt Jemima
Goddess of Love
Khaki Maple Buckwheats
Frizzle on the stove
Queen of my heart
Please hear my plea
Electric Aunt Jemima
Cook a bunch for me

Tried to find a reason
Not to quit my job
Beat me till I'm hungry
Found a punk to rob
Love me Aunt Jemima
Love me now & ever more
(Love me Aunt Jemima)

Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit
Dit-dit-dit-dit ditty-ditty
Dit-dit-dit-dit dit-dit-dit-dit dit . . .

Tried to find a raisin
Brownies in the basin
Monza by the street light
Aunt Jemima all night
Holiday & salad days
And days of mouldy mayonnaise
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me (ah!)
Caress me Aunt Jemima

Mmm, boy, my lips are gettin' heavy
I can't tell when you're telling the truth . . .
I'm not.
How do I know anything you've said to me is . . .
You don't.

 

[fox69]

"Elvis Has Just Left The Building"

"Elvis Has Just Left The Building"


[includes a quote from Rock Of Ages (Toplady/Hastings)]

Ladies and gentlemen:
Elvis has just left the building

Elvis has just left the building -
Those are his footprints, right there
Elvis has just left the building -
To climb up that heavenly stair

He gave away Cadillacs once in a while;
Had sex in his underpants,
Yes, he had style!
Bell-bottom jump-suits?
That's them in a pile,
But he don't need 'em now,
'Cause he's makin' Jesus smile!

Elvis has just left the building -
(There he goes!)
Those are his footprints, right there
Elvis has just left the building -
To climb up that heavenly stair

The Angels all love him,
He brings them relief
With droplets of moisture
From his handkerchief!
Cher'bim 'n ser'phim
Whizz over his head -
Jesus, let him come back!
We don't want Elvis dead!

So what if he looks like a wart-hog in heat?
He knows we all love him -
We'll just watch him eat,
So take down the foil
From his hotel retreat,
And bring back The King
For the man in the street!

Elvis has just left the building -
Those are his footprints, right there
Elvis has just left the building -
He's up there with Jesus, in a big purple chair

 

[fox69]

"Envelops The Bath Tub"

"Envelops The Bath Tub"


[Calvin:] 'Cause round things are . . . are boring . . . hhh . . .

 

[fox69]

"Evelyn, A Modified Dog"

"Evelyn, A Modified Dog"



Evelyn, a modified dog
Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily
Draped across the piano, with some surprise

In the darkened room
Where the chairs dismayed
And the horrible curtains
Muffled the rain
She could hardly believe her eyes

A curious breeze
A garlic breath
Which sounded like a snore
Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within)
Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom

Evelyn, a dog, having undergone
Further modification
Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
In pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance
And other highly ambient domains . . .

Arf she said