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""How The Pigs' Music Works""

""How The Pigs' Music Works""


[Spider:] I think I can explain about about how the pigs' music works
[Monica:] Well, this should be interesting
[Spider:] Remember that they make music with a very dense light
[John:] Yeah
[Monica:] O.K.
[Spider:] And remember about the smoke standing still and how they they really get uptight when you try to move the smoke, right?
[Monica:] Right
[John:] Yeah?
[Spider:] I think the music in that dense light is probably what makes the smoke stand still. As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back any sort of motion, especially of smoke or gas, begins to make the ends split
[Monica:] Well don't the splitting ends change the density of the ponies' music so it affects the density of the pigs' music, which makes the smoke move which upsets the pigs?
[Spider:] No, it isn't like that
[John:] Well, how does it work?
[Spider:] Well, what it does is when it strikes any sort of energy field or solid object or even something as ephemeral as smoke, the first thing it does is begins to inactivate the molecular motion so that it slows down and finally stops. That's why the smoke stops. And also have you ever noticed how the the smoke clouds shrink up? That's because the molecules come closer together. The cold light makes it get so small, this is really brittle smoke
[John:] And that's why the pigs don't want you to touch it
[Spider:] See, when the smoke gets that brittle what happens when you try to move it is it disintegrates
[John:] And the pigs get uptight 'cause you know they, they worship that smoke. They salute it every day
[Monica:] You know we've got something here
[John:] And, and, and, and that's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the smoke every morning when they get up . . .
[Spider:] Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it
 
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""I Had A Dream About That""

""I Had A Dream About That""


[Gilly:] I had a dream about that once
[Girl #2:] You did?
[Gilly:] Yeah
[Girl #2:] Then you must be me
[Girl #1:] Yeah, that's right . . . because . . . Now, wait a minute . . . now you two are me because I had a dream that the two were here. I heard one person breathing in my right ear and then I heard somebody cough just like me
[Spider:] Wait a minute! I gotta find a phone booth. Here . . . ah . . . now I have it . . . I change clothes and suddenly I am . . .
 
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""I Wish Motorhead Would Come Back""

""I Wish Motorhead Would Come Back""


[Louis:] Ah, I wish Motorhead would come back. Oh wow, Motorhead . . . Motorhead . . . Where are you Motorhead?
[Roy:] He's probably getting eaten by one of those ponies
[Louis:] Yes
[Roy:] Maybe he's out there playing with motors
[Louis:] Motors?! Motors? . . . No! no! no!
 
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""If We'd All Been Living In California...""

""If We'd All Been Living In California...""


[FZ:] Ok? Now if you still want to get your name in magazines he wants five hundred dollars a month!
[JCB:] Where does it come from? We worked one gig this month. And now, so, what do we get, two hundred dollars for this gig up here, if we're lucky. If we're lucky, we'll get two hundred. And it'll be two weeks before we get it. Probably. I mean a- . . . after all, uh . . . what is all this shit in the, uh, in the newspaper? We sh-, if we got such a big name, how come, uh . . . we're. . .
[FZ:] That shit in the news . . .
[JCB:] We're starving, man! This fucking band is starving! And we've been starving for three years. I realize it takes a long time, but God damn does it take another five, ten years from now?
[FZ:] There's some months when you're not gonna work as much as other months. There's some months when you're gonna make a lot of money, and if you average it out, you do make more than two hundred dollars a month.
[JCB:] Expenses are sure high, too. If we'd all been living in California, it would've been different.
[FZ:] If we'd all been living in California, we wouldn't work at all!
[JCB:] Ah that's - true . . . Well, we're not working n-now anyway! We worked one gig this month, Frank! What's wrong with getting two months in a row of this good money? Or three months in a row? Then we can afford to take three or four months off and everybody can . . . After the first month I can get just enough ahead, but if I had two more months, man, I'll get ahead. 'Cause I'm not living very extravagantly, I'll tell you for sure . . .
 
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""It's A Good Thing We Get Paid To Do This""

""It's A Good Thing We Get Paid To Do This""


[Kensington Palace Hotel
1st script reading of "200 Motels"
January 18, 1971]


[Mark:] It's a good thing we get paid to do this. I could be in L.A., getting reamed, listening to an Elton John album
[Howard:] Don't even talk about getting reamed. Listen, I've been without female companionship for so long, a career as a Jesuit monk was inviting, Ian is starting to look good to me
[George:] Must be his green velour socks!
[Mark:] Just calm down there, Duke. Ever since you left the jazz world to seek fame and fortune in the rock'n'roll industry . . .
[Jeff:] What do you mean rock'n'roll? This fucking band doesn't even play rock'n'roll, it's all that comedy crap!
[Ian:] If we play any rock'n'roll we might make some money. I wouldn't mind playing some rock'n'roll, uh, I like classical music too, but that doesn't mean I wouln't enjoy playing rock'n'roll. I mean, it's not very challenging, intelectually, but I wouldn't mind if we did some rock'n'roll. We could vote on it
[Jeff:] Vote on it, for what? To tell Zappa we wanna play some good music instead of this comedy shit . . . ?
[Aynsley:] I wouldn't mind playing some more rock'n'roll, it'd be more commercial, sort of heavy, four parts harmony, group vocals and a very heavy beat, that the kids could enjoy it. I think we'd definitely make more money that way
[Ian:] Maybe after we finish the movie we could play more rock'n'roll
[Mark:] Yeah! We all quit and form other groups and play more rock'n'roll
[Jeff:] And more blues, extended blues, blues that's still down and funky, even though you extended it. George knows what I'm talking about, don't you, George?
[George:] Leave me out of it, I come from the jazz world. I know all about these groups that get formed and disappear, with their extensions waving in the moonlight
[Mark:] You just calm down there, Duke
[Jeff:] Maybe we could all form a group, we can elect a leader . . . Howard . . . we can call it Howard Kaylan World.
[Ian:] We wouldn't have to have any leader
[Jeff:] We could just jam a lot
[Aynsley:] There was have to have a really heavy beat and be really commercial so the kids could enjoy it
[Howard:] I want to get laid! I'm so horny I can't stand it!
[Jeff:] Listen, if you think for a minute that anybody likes this comedy music we've been playing you're crazy. That's why you don't get laid, who wants to fuck a comedian! None of these girls can take you seriously
[Mark:] Hey, man, you should be careful talking about that kind of stuff
[Jeff:] Why, does he listen?
[Ian:] He always listens, he's always watching and listening to all the guys in the band. I've been in the band for years and I know, he always listens, believe me
[Jeff:] That's how he gets his material. He listens to us being natural, friendly, humorous and good-natured, then he rips us off, sneaks off in the secret room someplace and boils it in ammonia, and gets it perverted. Then he brings it back to us in rehearsal and makes us play it
[Ian:] I've been in the group for years and let me tell you that is exactly, that is precisely what he does: He steals all his material
[Howard:] And the stuff he doesn't steal, Murray Roman writes for him. Listen, without us he'd be nothing!
 
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""Oh-Umm""

""Oh-Umm""




[Gilly:] Ohh. Umm. Hmm.
[Girl #1:] That's how long I've been here. I've been here ever since, ever since it got dark I've been here.
[Louis:] How did you get in my home? This is my piano. How did you get in here?
[Motorhead:] I thought it was my piano.
[Louis:] It's mine.
[Roy:] Since when?
[Louis:] Since about 10 years ago its mine.
[Roy:] You sure?
[Louis:] Yes, positively.
[Roy:] No, it was mine.
[Louis:] This is a small place, you must be blind you know.
[Motorhead:] Where were you at?
[Roy:] Could have been one nine . . . No, it couldn't have been one-nine-oh . . .
[Louis:] It couldn't have been any more . . . How about try, just try 'G' . . .
[Roy:] How did you happen to get in here?
[Louis:] My mother said to me "You're a bad boy, Louis the Turkey. You'd better, you'd you you you'd better go on 'E' and stay on 'E' and you'll never see the world . . . you're a bad boy 'cause you you went to the bathroom on the floor!" you know?
[Motorhead:] Did they make you clean it up?
[Louis:] No, they made me eat it.
[Roy:] Ooh.
 
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""Put A Little Motor In 'Em""

""Put A Little Motor In 'Em""




[FZ:] We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
[Spider:] We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
[John:] I could have all sorts of different kinds of names for the motors . . . although the motors would be the same . . .
[Spider:] There's dry motors and wet motors, right?
[John:] Right
[Spider:] The motor for a bill is a dry motor, so after they put that thing in there for about half an hour, they suddenly can't stand it without having a wet motor too. So, if they try to get away with spending only a bill, they end up spending about five 'cause they gotta get this, this four bill wet motor
[John:] Good idea
[Spider:] Now we have a damp motor for the ones who aren't sure
[Moon:] . . . it's about letting go . . . we're all, we're all inside the piano . . . we're all . . . looking for a place . . . inside the piano . . . or a place to be alone . . .
[Ali:] Bu pianonun icinde bir meyhane olsa, bir kahve icin oturpda, azicik tavla oynasak nekadar guzel olur, degilmi abi?
 
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""Saliva Can Only Take So Much""

""Saliva Can Only Take So Much""


[Spider:] Saliva can only take so much
[Louis:] Well I got sores. I got my skin burnt uh cut open a couple times. It felt good. Wow, it felt good. And I really, I really climaxed
[Girl #1:] Ahh. In other words, we never even had . . . Ahh
[Girl #2:] We didn't have a chance, baby [Laugh]. These holes are just the right size
[Girl #1:] They really look like it, yes . . . indeed, indeed
[Girl #2:] Right . . .
[Girl #1:] Indeed
[Girl #2:] Yeah
[Gilly:] And here's a grave
[Girl #1:] Yeah
[Girl #2:] A grave?
[Gilly:] Yes, a grave
 
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""Someplace Else Right Now""

""Someplace Else Right Now""


[Gilly:] I'd like to be . . . someplace else right now. It's much too crowded in here. Where would I like to be?
[Girl #1:] Where would you like to be?
[Gilly:] Oh, I don't know
[Girl #1:] Where would you like to be?
[Gilly:] I like strings a whole lot
[Girl #1:] Where would you like to be?
[Gilly: (sigh)]
[Girl #1:] Huh? Where would you like to be?
[Gilly:] Oh it's so hard
[Girl #1:] Where would you like to be?
[Gilly:] I can't think of anything else
[Girl #1:] Hmm
[Gilly:] The piano, a drum, strings
[Motorhead:] These strings are so tempting
[Roy:] Uh huh
[Gilly:] That's it exactly
 
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""That Would Be The End Of That""

""That Would Be The End Of That""


[Spider:] We can get our strength up by making some music
[John:] That's right
[Monica:] Yeah . . . yeah
[John:] But the thing is, you know what?
[Spider:] What?
[John:] We don't even understand our own music
[Spider:] It doesn't, does it matter whether we understand it? At least it'll give us . . . strength
[John:] I know but maybe we could get into it more if we understood it
[Spider:] We'd get more strength from it if we understood it?
[John:] Yeah
[Spider:] No, I don't think so, because - see I think, I think our strength comes from our uncertainty. If we understood it we'd be bored with it and then we couldn't gather any strength from it
[John:] Like if we knew about our music one of us might talk and then that would be the end of that
 
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