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"9/8 Objects"

"9/8 Objects"


[FZ:] Strings do the ornaments of the (frame in right . . .)
 
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"A Bunch Of Adventures"

"A Bunch Of Adventures"


[FZ:] From the point that Jeff Simmons quit the group we had a bunch of adventures trying to find somebody to replace him. Non only for the bass parts in the music, but to play the role that he was supposed to play in the film, which is a pretty large part. And, uh, our first candidate for the role was Wilfrid Brambell, who played the grandfather in A Hard Day's Night. So Wilfrid came over, tried out for the part, everything was set, he rehearsed with us for about a week, and then one day came to the studio here and, completely freaked out, and said that he couldn't handle it anymore. So, we went into the dressing room and sat around with the guys in the band and tried to figure out what we're gonna do 'bout replacing the replacement, and the first person that walked through the door was Martin Lickert, who happened to be Ringo's driver, and, uh, everybody just turned and look at him and we went, "You!"
 
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"A Great Guy"

"A Great Guy"


[Howard:] Well, the character I play is a great guy, you see, right away that gives me a start. Uh, on the other hand, half of it's reality and half of it isn't, you know? Where the line is, it's sometimes even hard for the players to tell, you know. It's just, uh, when you look at your script some lines come easier than other lines, you know, and usually those are the ones that you've said before, but feel that you could say quite honestly, you know, and some other things were made up and it, it comes out that way
 
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"A Little Green Rosetta"

"A Little Green Rosetta"




[Act III]

[after the song ends]
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... As you can see, MUSIC can get you
pretty fucked up...Take a tip from Joe, do like he did, hock your imaginary guitar
and get a good job...Joe did, and he's a happy guy now, on the day shift at
the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen, arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of
a fully-charged icing anointment utensil. And every time a nice little muffin comes
by on the belt, he poots forth... And if this doesn't convince you that MUSIC
causes BIG TROUBLE...then maybe I should turn off my plastic' megaphone and
sing the last song on the album in my regular voice...

[SCENE EIGHTEEN]
[A LITTLE GREEN ROSETTA]

[CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:]
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You'll make a muffin betta
With a green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A tiny green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You'll make a muffin betta
Betta
It's really getting betta
It's betta, it's betta
With a green rosetta

Green rositti
A little green rositti
It's really, really meaty
A little green rositti
Betta, betta,
(Hey, really out there...really good)
It's really getting betta
It's betta, it's betta
With a green rosetta
Setta, setta
(Good God, give the drummer some)
Green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
(Setta, setta, setta, etc....)
(Make a muffin, make a muffin, make a muffin,
Make a muffin betta, make a muffin betta, [etc....])
With a green rosetta
A little green rosetta
[Etc....]

Good God! You're really jammin ! Now the Reggae version, hey, for the People in
the Third World... we haven't forgotten anybody on this song.. .for all of you French
people...who think that you re outta sight... And for the people in Spain...who think
the French people are where its at... And for the people in Mongolia who always
wanted to go to Spain for a vacation... And for those of you in Taiwan who got chumped,
this chorus is for you: (Rang Tang Ding Dong, I am the Japanese Sandman...
Take eight...)

Green rosetta
Green rosetta
A little green rosetta
(Against the Reggae beat, though... No, it's still Reggae, but it s all backwards)

A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You'll make a muffin betta [Etc., etc., etc...]

Now you see, some places in the Third World it might be difficult to dance to this because
the kerosene record player is not a very efficient device.. .And a lot of times they run out of,
they run out of spunk right in the middle of the chorus... Causing the song to sound like this...

A little green rosetta

However we continue in spite of the fact that the fuel may be low on your record player.
We suggest that in places like the Fourth World where things are really tough that you
keep the record player going by rubbing two sticks together. And if all else fails, throw
the record away... build your own green rosetta...try this recipe: Well start with a lump of
grass... the grass bone connected to the ankle bone...the knee bone connected to the
wishbone...and then everybody moves to New York and goes to a party with Warren.
Hey! And we've flown in, at great expense, (triple scale, no less, ladies and gentlemen),
Steve Gad's clone to play the out-chorus on this song...lies really outa-site, in spite of
thefact that the click track is totally irrelevant to what he's doing now. I in listening to
the click, yes I'm suffering with the click track right now...this guy is totally out of sync with it,
but what the fuck. Ed Mann will call him up later, show him the sign. Okay Vinnie, where
is five?

They're pretty good musicians
They re pretty good musicians
They're pretty good musicians
They're pretty good musicians
But it don't make no difference
If they're good musicians
Because anybody who would buy this record
Doesn't give a fuck if there's good musicians
On it
Because this is a stupid song
AND THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You make a muffin betta
With a little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
Rosetta, rosetta, rosetta
[etc., etc., etc....]

AL MALKIN.
Zetta..
 
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"A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes"

"A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes"



Why don't you strap on this here bunch
Of cardboard boxes, daddy-o?
Joy of my desiring
You'll certainly look suave and get me hot
Hot, hot, get me hot and
Horny
(Ow!)
If there's one thing I really get off on
(Yay!)
It's a nun suit painted on some old boxes
Some old melodies
4/4
An aura
An areola
Pink gums
Stumpy gray teeth
Dental floss
Gets me hot
Wanna watch a dental hygiene movie
 
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"A Pound For A Brown On The Bus"

"A Pound For A Brown On The Bus"



Uncle Meat
Ahead Of Their Time
Zappa In New York
You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4
You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 5
The Yellow Shark

Fade!
 
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"A Small Eternity With Yoko Ono"

"A Small Eternity With Yoko Ono"


[FZ:] Good night!
[John Lennon:] Good night, thank you!
[Yoko Ono:] Thank, thank you
[John Lennon:] We'd like to thank Frank for having us on here
[Yoko Ono:] Yeah, he's great, isn't he? He's the greatest . . .
 
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"A Token Of My Extreme"

"A Token Of My Extreme"


[Act II]

[SCENE NINE]
[A TOKEN OF MY EXTREME]

Arriving at L. Ron Hoover's modernistic office / cathedral / ware-house /
condominium complex, Joe is greeted by a pre-recorded message and
a dramatically illuminated image on a wall-sized TV screen...

[L. RON HOOVER:]
Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology!
The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only!

Don't you be
Tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you be
Tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don t wanna know what they have seen
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know what they have seen

[JOE: (thinking to himself)]
Some people think
That if they go too far
They'll never get hack
To where the rest of them are
I might be crazy
But there's one thing I know
You might be surprised
At what you find when ya go!

And thus, having rationalized his expedition to L. Ron's modernistic office /
cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, JOE seeks The Answer to
his problem...

[JOE:]
Oh oh oh
Mystical Advisor
What is my problem, tell me
Can you see?

[L. RON HOOVER:]
Well, you have nothing to fear, my son!
You are a Latent Appliance Fetishist, It appears to me!

[JOE:]
That all seems very, very strange
I never craved a toaster
Or a color T. V.

[L. RON HOOVER:]
A Latent Appliance Fetishist
Is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
That sexual gratification can only be achieved
Through the use of MACHINES... Get the picture?

[JOE:]
Are you telling me
I should come out of the closet now Mr. Ron?

[L. RON HOOVER:]
No, my son!
You must go into THE CLOSET
And you will have
A lot of fun!
That's where they all live
So if you want an
Appliance to love you
You'll have to go in there
N' get you one

[JOE:]
Well...that seems simple enough...

[L. RON HOOVER:]
Yes, but if you want a really GOOD one,
You'll have to learn a foreign language...

[JOE:]
German, for instance?

[L. RON HOOVER:]
That's right...
A lot of really cute ones come from over there!
(Fifty bucks, please)

And a cheerful group of Appliantologists dance into the room wearing
aluminum foil lab smocks, lock arms in a circle around JOE, making
sure he pays in full, all the while singing with L. RON as he delivers
nis final instructions...

[L. RON HOOVER:]
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion,
an yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin,'
So what can it mean?
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion,
an yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin,
So what can it mean?
[etc., etc., etc.]

JOE leaves the First Church of Appliantology and sets out to try L. RON s expensive advice

[CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:]
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak
German Now, get this, heres why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on
the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET...
And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up
like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so
Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes in this place and he sees
these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he
sees this one...that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum
cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body...
it's really exciting...and when he sees it, he BURSTS INTO SONG...
 
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"A Typical Sound Check"

"A Typical Sound Check"


[includes a quote from Whole Lotta Love (Page/Plant/Jones/Bonham)]

[Mark:] All skate. Men only!
[Aynsley:] Man, shou . . . shoulda put the fuckin' [?]
[?:] Gotta put that sign on the front, man
[?:] Got to get that sign on the front
[?:] [?] sign of the bass player
[Aynsley:] Because I . . . I'm gonna have to find [?] I'm gonna take about five minutes with the other thing in there in time to go on
[?:] Get some more weirdness
[?:] Hey man
[?:] Hey, it's far right here
[?:] [?] together?
[?:] It's far right there
[?:] Well . . .
[?:] Perverse!
[George:] Hey, I'm still an hour here
[Mark:] See it, my washboard's in the car
[?:] What?
[Aynsley:] See, they gotta have two holes here
[?:] Ah!
[Jeff:] Yeah
[?:] Washboards . . .
[Jeff:] Oh we got our amps switched. I should be having . . .

[Mark:]
If you do not hear me
You may now walk out
For I am here
And I am talking . . .
 
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"A Version Of Himself"

"A Version Of Himself"


[Mark:] Well uh . . . I play a v-, a version of myself a-, as Frank sees me, you know, like, you know what I mean?
[Interviewer:] No
[Mark:] It's not, uh, he sees the group from . . . like we see him from one point of view and he sees us from another place, this was written around like we're, you know, the folklore that each member had brought to create the image that we portray, like, uh, some of the scenes have happened before, specifically the, the hotel room scene where the group sits and talks about how Frank is not important to what the group is and . . . that scene I remember happening many times, uh, just the whole idea that it is Frank Zappa & The Mothers Of Invention has always given us something to talk about, you know, Frank is, you know, our boss and so there's always that kinda management, uh, worker relationship that, you know, that just happens, it isn't like you, you plan for it to happen, it just does . . .
 
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