Frank Zappa

[fox69]

"Soft-Sell Conclusion"

"Soft-Sell Conclusion"


[includes quotes from God Bless America (Irving Berlin), America The Beautiful (Ward/Bates), Marine's Hymn (trad.) and A Soldier's Tale (Stravinsky)]

A lot of people don't bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, "Ah, what can I say? What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?" But the answer is simple, my friends . . . just call . . . and tell them how you feel . . . about MUFFINS, PUMPKINS, WAX PAPER, CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS AND GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL . . . and soon: A NEW RAPPORT! You and your new little green & yellow buddies . . . grooving together! OH NO! Maintaining your coolness together! Worshipping together in the church of your choice! ONLY IN AMERICA! Woh-oh-oh-ah-agh-h . . .

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
AR-R-H-R that the vegetable
Will respond to you...
OH NO! Can you see them responding?
The PUMPKIN is breathing hard:

HUFFA PUFFA HUFFA PUFFA [etc.]
what a pumpkin . . .

 

[fox69]

"Son Of Orange County"

"Son Of Orange County"



And in your dreams
You can see yourself
As a prophet
Saving the world
The words from your lips
(I AM NOT A CROOK)
I just can't believe you are such
A fool

I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool

 

[fox69]

"Son Of Suzy Creamcheese"

"Son Of Suzy Creamcheese"


[reminiscent of Louie Louie (Richard Berry)]

Suzy Creamcheese
Oh mama, now . . .
What's got into ya?

Suzy you were such a sweetie
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Once you were my one & only
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Blew your mind on too much Kool-Aid
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Took my stash & left me lonely
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Suzy Creamcheese
Oh baby, now . . .
What's got into ya?
Yea-yea-yea-yea-yeah!
Suzy Creamcheese
Oh mama, now . . .
What's got into ya?

Got to find my Suzy Creamcheese
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Think I'll go and start my car
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Really dig her; she's so freaky
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Heard The Heat knows where you are
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Suzy Creamcheese
Oh baby, now . . .
What's got into ya?
Yea-yea-yea-yea-yeah!
Suzy Creamcheese
Oh mama, now...
What's got into ya?

Cruised the Strip & went to Canter's
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Suzy creamcheese, please come home
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Vito says she split for Berkeley
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Protest marching Styrofoam
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Suzy Creamcheese
Oh baby, now . . .
What's got into ya?
Yea-yea-yea-yea-yeah!
Suzy Creamcheese
Oh mama, now . . .
What's got into ya?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

 

[fox69]

"Spider Of Destiny"

"Spider Of Destiny"



Listen carefully,
SPIDER OF DESTINY!
You must heed the call
Of COSMO-BIOLOGY!
Listen to me!

If you eat the Earthlings now,
Things will all be fine, AND THEN,
We'll repair our love somehow,
And resume the busy schedule
Of our RUTHLESS CONQUEST once again!

Listen carefully,
SPIDER OF DESTINY!
I will not allow
This marvellous
OPPORTUNITY
To be taken from me!
TAKEN from me!

EAT THE EARTH PEOPLE!
EAT THEM, AND CHEW THEM, AND BRUTALLY
STOMP ON THE REST OF WHAT'S LEFT
AND THEN REPORT TO ME . . .
FOR THE CONQUEST OF EARTH,
(AND THE MOON AND THE STARS),
AND THE SPACE IN BETWEEN
ALL THE COMETS AND STUFF
WILL BE OURS!

EAT THE EARTH PEOPLE!
EAT THEM, AND CHEW THEM, AND BRUTALLY
STOMP ON THE REST OF WHAT'S LEFT
STOMP ON THE REST OF WHAT'S LEFT
STOMP ON THE REST OF WHAT'S LEFT

 

[fox69]

"Status Back Baby"

"Status Back Baby"


[includes a quote from Petrushka (Stravinsky)]

Ooo-Ooo-Ooo [etc.]
AH-AH WA WA WA WA WA WA WAH!

I'm losin' status at the high school
I used to think that it was my school . . .
BOW WOW WOW WOW!
I was the king of every school activity
But that's no more . . . oh mama!
What will come of me?

The other night we painted posters
They played some records by the Coasters
BOW WOW WOW WOW!
A bunch of pom-pom girls looked down their nose at me.
They had painted tons of posters; I had painted three.
I hear the secret whispers everywhere I go
My school spirit is at an all-time low . . . BLA-A-A-A!

I'm losing status at the high school
I used to think that it was my school . . .
BOW WOW WOW WOW!
Everyone in town knows I'm a hand-some football star
I sing & dance & spray my hair & drive a shiny car
I'm friendly & I'm charming . . . I belong to De Molay
I'm gonna try like mad to get my status back today!
Status back baby
Status back baby
Status back baby
Status back baby

 

[fox69]

"Stevie's Spanking"

"Stevie's Spanking"



His name is Stevie Vai,
And he's a crazy guy
Last November, I recall,
He needed a spanking

He decided then
A female specimen
Would be exciting for a night
To give him a spanking

Laurel was her name
She came to Notre Dame
He told me just the other night
He oughta be thanking
Her for the spanking

She was large and soft
And she beat him off
Made him drool upon his dork
And gave it a wanking
After the spanking

Hair brush!
Oh! What a hair brush!

Then did she exclaim:
"There's another game
That we can play with this device,
And then a banana!"

It was slightly green
Vapors in between
Rising up to fill the room
And COOK the banana

Later in the dawn,
Laurel carried on
Got right up and dressed herself and
Ate the banana

 

[fox69]

"Stick It Out"

"Stick It Out"




[Act II]

[SCENE TEN]
[STICK IT OUT]

[JOE:]
Fick mich, du miserabler hurensohn
Fick mich, du miserabler hurensohn
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen heifien gelockten.
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen' heinen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen heiften gelockten schwanz
Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt Feuer!
Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt Feuer!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!

Stunned by JOE's command of its native tongue, a gleaming model
XQJ-37 nuclear powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker named SY BORG
(previously thought to be the son of the lady who called the Police on cut
two, side I), spindles over to JOE and says..

[SY BORG:]
Pick me...I'm clean...
I am also programmed for conversational English.

This stuns JOE, who stands there speechless for a moment. Smitten by
JOE's animal magnetism, SY continues...

[SY BORG:]
May I have this dance?
And JOE, looking sharp in his housewife costume with the napkin on
his head and the yellow chiffon apron, responds boldly by repeating the
entreaty originally delivered in Deutsch in its conversational English form,
so that his intentions regarding the Appliance will be made perfectly clear...

[JOE:]
I've got a better idea...
Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch
You ugly son of a bitch
Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch
Stick it out
Stick out yer hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer hot curly weenie
Weenie.. .weenie, weenie, weenie!
Make it go fast
In and out,
Magical Pig
Make it go fast
In and out,
Magical Pig
Till it squirts, squirts, squirts, squirts
Fire
Till it squirts, squirts, squirts, squirts
Fire
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa

Whereupon, in order to prove to JOE that he is no ordinary Appliance,
SY quotes a few lines of traditional American Love Poetry...

[SY BORG:]
What s a girl like you
Doing in a place like this?
Do you come here often?
Wail a minute...
I've got it...
You're an Italian...
What?
You're Jewish?
Lore your nails..
Yon must be a Libra....
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine.
See the chrome
Feel the chrome
Touch the chrome
Heal the chrome
See the screaming
Hot black steaming
Iridescent naugahyde python screaming
Steam Roller!

[CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:]
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER. Joe and his date an going back
to the apartment to have a little party...

 

[fox69]

"Stick Together"

"Stick Together"


This is a song about the union, friends
How they fucked you over and the way they bends
The rules to suit a special few
And you gets pooched every time they do

You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together

Once upon a time the idea was good
If only they'd a done what they said they would
It ain't no better, they's makin' it worse
The labor movement's got the Mafia curse

You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together

Don't be no fool, don't be no dope
Common sense is your only hope
When the union tells you it's time to strike
Tell the motherfucker to take a hike

You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
[repeats]

 

[fox69]

"Stink-Foot"

"Stink-Foot"


[includes a quote from Dragnet (Schumann/Rosza)]

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends . . .
An' all the others: they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go, hmmm?
Well, lemme straighten you out
About a place I know . . .
(Get yer shoes 'n socks on people,
It's right aroun' the corner!)
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases,
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases, mmm . . .

This has to be the disease for you
Now scientists call this disease
Bromidrosis
But us regular folks
Who might wear tennis shoes
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience
By the name of:
STINK FOOT
Y'know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girl-friend cry
"You got STINK FOOT!
STINK FOOT, darlin'
Your STINK FOOT puts a hurt on my nose!
STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT! I ain't lyin',
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"
Here Fido . . . Fido . . .
C'mere little puppy . . . bring the slippers
"Arf, arf, arf!" (crash-crumble-bump-bump-bump)
Heh heh heh . . . sick . . .

Well then Fido got up off the floor an' he rolled over
An' he looked me straight in the eye
An' you know what he said?
Once upon a time
Somebody say to me
(This is a dog talkin' now)
What is your Conceptual Continuity?
Well, I told him right then
(Fido said)
It should be easy to see
The crux of the biscuit
Is the Apostrophe(')
Well, you know
The man who was talkin' to the dog
Looked at the dog an' he said: (sort of staring in disbelief)
"You can't say that!"
He said:
"IT DOESN'T, 'n YOU CAN'T!
I WON'T, 'n IT DON'T!
IT HASN'T, IT ISN'T, IT EVEN AIN'T
'N IT SHOULDN'T . . .
IT COULDN'T!"
He told me NO NO NO!
I told him YES YES YES!
I said: "I do it all the time . . .
Ain't this boogie a mess!"
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES

 

[fox69]

"Strictly Genteel"

"Strictly Genteel"


[Theodore Bikel:]
This, as you might have guessed, is the end of the movie. The entire cast is assembled here at the Centerville Recreational Facility to bid farewell to you, and to express thanks for your attendance at this theater. This might seem old fashioned to some of you, but I'd like to join in on this song. It's the kind of a sentimental song that you get at the end of a movie, it's the kind of a song that people might sing to let you in the audience know that we really like you and care about you, yeah . . . Understand how hard it is to laugh these days, with all the terrible problems in the world!

Lord, have mercy on the people in England
For the terrible food these people must eat
(Errrr . . . excuse me)
And may the Lord have mercy on the fate of this movie
And God bless the mind of the man in the street

Help all the rednecks and the flatfoot policemen
Through the terrible functions they all must perform
God help the winos, the junkies, and the weirdos
And every poor soul who's adrift in the storm.

Help everybody, so they all get some action
Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction

[Phyllis Bryn-Julson:]
A room and a meal
And a garbage disposal
A lawn and a hose'll
Be strictly genteel

Reach out your hand to the girl in the dog book
The girl in the pig book, and the one with the horse
Make sure they keep all those businessmen happy
And the purple-lipped censors and the Germans of course

Help everybody, so they all get some action
Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction

A Swedish apparatus
With a hood and a bludgeon
With a microwave oven
"Honey, how do it feel?"

Lord, have mercy on the hippies and faggots
And the dykes and the weird little children they grow

Help the black man
Help the poor man
Help the milk man
Help the door man
Help the lonely, neglected old farts that I know

[Theodore Bikel:]
It's been swell havin' you with us tonight, folks!

[Mark:]
But, don't leave the theater yet, 'cause there's still more to come, but before we go on, I want to introduce to you my friend and musical associate, Howard Kaylan, who's going to give us all a final closing benediction