Frank Zappa

[fox69]

"Road Ladies"

"Road Ladies"



Don't it ever get lonesome?
Yeah! Sure gets lonesome . . .
Don't it ever get sad when you go out on the road?
Oh, there was one time in Minneapolis . . . when I thought I had the clap for sure
Don't it ever get lonesome?
Lonesome ain't the word
Don't it ever get sad when you go out on a thirty day tour?
Oh, I'll take away . . .
You got nothing but groupies and promotors to love you
And a pile of laundry by the hotel door

Don't it ever get lonesome?
Don't it ever give a young man the blues?
Don't it ever get lonesome?
Don't it ever make a young man wanna go back home?
When the P.A. system eats it,
And the band plays some of the most terrible shit you've ever known

Don't you ever miss your
House in the country and your
Hot little mama too?
Don't you ever miss your
House in the country and your
Hot little mama too?
Don't you better get a
Shot of the doctor for what the
Road Ladies do to you?

I know someday I will never,
I'll never go out on the road again, oh, yeah . . .
I know someday I will never,
I ain't gonna roam the country side
No more
I'm gonna hang up them ol' holiday inns, yeah
And heal my knees up,
From when I was doin' it on the floor
See me doing it!
See me doing on the floor

Don't you ever miss your
House in the country and your
Hot little mama too?
Don't you ever miss your
House in the country and your
Hot little mama too?
Don't you better get a
Shot of the doctor for what the
Road Ladies do to you?

 

[fox69]

"Ronnie Sings?"

"Ronnie Sings?"


[FZ:] What key do you wanna do it in?
[Ronnie:] Try maybe, uh, D Flat. Or do it in C, do it in C! Alright, do it, do it slop. Do-do-dat-dat, do-do . . . SNORK . . . Yeah, that's pretty good.

Ba-ba-ba-Bump,
Ba-ba-ba-Bah-bahdily-bum-bum-bow.
Bo-do-do-diddly-dow,
Bung-bow-do-bom-bom.
Bo-do-dung-dow-dodee-do-do-do-do-do
Dodn-do-do-dodn-dodn-dodn-dada
Doo-doo-da-da,
Dadn-dadn-da-da
Da-dadl-da-da-da
Dadn-diddly-dadn-diddly-dung
De-dong-bong-bom-de-diddly dung dung
Ba-badn-boooo,
Rum-pum-badn-rum-pum-bung-bung-bung

 

[fox69]

"Ronnie's Booger Story"

"Ronnie's Booger Story"


[Ronnie:] We lived in a little room, man. It was, it was probably a fourth as big as, as your livin' room, Frank [cough]. And uh, everytime we picked a booger we'd flip it on this one winduh, or wipe it there if we couldn't flip it there, y'know. And uh, I guess Dwight stayed with me for about . . . 'bout seven months, wasn't it? Six months? And uh, every night we'd contribute, y'know, two or three or four boogers, y'know. And when he left uh, my mom knew what was goin' on all the time but we thought we had her hoodwinked. Heh-heh. She was smarter with, than we, than what we were. An' she made us clean 'em off, y'know? We used Ajax and, and we couldn't get them things, we had to use a, had to use a putty knife, man, to get them damn things off the winduh. You couldn't even see out the winduh with all them boogers, man. I'm not kiddin' you [sniff]. An' there was big ones too, an' there was little, and there was some goober ones that weren't even hard, man, you'd just smear 'em, young ones. It's like fro-, you, you've seen frosted glasses. That winduh was just like a frosted glass with spots all over it, y'know? And uh, [sniff] it was, it was no good. Although, th-that, that was the good ol' days, so . . .

 

[fox69]

"Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink"

"Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink"



Hi and howdy doody
I'm the union man
You can call me Rudy
Any of you boys not paid up on your cards? Huh?

You know I'm pleased to meet ya
Been tryin' all day to reach ya
The union's here to help everyone of you
Rock 'n Roll stars
Rock 'n Roll stars

You always know we care so much
About the way they treat ya
They say they got a lot of reasons every day . . .

Just to get
A chance to meet ya
To check and see
No wrong been done
That's one good reason
I carry a gun
I hope the bulge
Don't bum you out
Wanna get a good look?
Let me pull it right out!
Let me pull it right out!
Let me pull it right out!
Let me whip it right out!

Rudy!

Hi and howdy doody
I'm the union man
You can call me Rudy
Any of you boys not paid up on your cards?

You know I'm pleased to meet ya
Been tryin all day to reach ya
The union's here to help everyone of you
Rock 'n Roll stars
Ha ha ha ha!

Welcome to Chicago
Welcome to L.A.
Welcome to our local here
You'll always hear me say
The work is here; It's a couple a bucks
I'm sure you're glad to pay
Whip it out, here is your receipt
Now I'll go away
Now I'll go away
Now I'll go away
Now I'll go away
Away-ay-eh-eh-yeah
Away-ay-eh-eh-yeah
Away-ay-ay-eh-eh-yeah
Poo-aah . . .

 

[fox69]

"Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top"

"Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top"


[includes quotes from Sweet Leilani (Owens) and Louie Louie (Richard Berry)]

Sam with the showing scalp flat top,
Particular about the point it made.
(I got it . . . )
Why, when I was knee-high to a grasshopper,
This black juice came out on a hard shelled chin.
And they called that 'tobacco juice'.
I used to fiddle with my back feet music for a black onyx.
My entire room absorbed every echo.
The music was . . . thud like.
The music was . . . thud like.
I usually played such things as rough-neck and thug.
Opaque melodies that would bug most people.
Music from the other side of the fence.
A black swan figurine lay on all color lily pads.
On a little conglomeration table of pressed black felt.
With same color shadows, in seamed knobbed knees, and what-nots.
The long hallway rolled out into oddball odd.
Beside the fly-pecked black doorway,
That looked closed on the tar-lattice street.
Up a wrought iron fire escape.
Rolled out a tiny wooden platform with dark, hard, dark rubber wheels.
Roll, skreek! Roll, skreek! Roll, skreek!
Sam with the showing scalp flat top,
Particular about the point it made.

Sam was a BASKET CASE!
A hardened dark ivory clip held . . . saleable everyday pencils.
I wish I had a pair 'o bongos!
Bongo Fury!
Bongo Fury!
Oowwwww! Bongo Fury!
(Boogie!)
Bongo Fury!
Bongo Fury . . .
Bongo Fury . . .

 

[fox69]

"San Ber'dino"

"San Ber'dino"



She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago
His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato

She's in love with a boy
From the rodeo
Who pulls the rope on the chute
When they let those suckers go
(Yeah-hey! Suckers!)

He got slobberin' drunk at the Palomino
They give him thirty days in San Ber'dino

Well there's forty-four men
Stashed away in Tank "C"
An' there's only one shower
But it don't apply to Bobby

You may think they're
Dumb an' lonely
But you're wrong
'Cause their love is strong
Stacked-up hair
An' a cheap little ring
They don't care
'Cause it don't mean a thing

Looka there . . .
They don't care

Best-est way that
They can feel-o
Out on the highway
Rollin' a wheel-o
He's her Tootsie
She's for real-o
Trailer park heaven
It's a real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o

The rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on with me
Down in San Ber'dino
Just 60 miles, 60 miles
Down the San Ber'dino freeway
They got some dark green air
An' you can choke all day
That's right!
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
Rest of their lives
Rest of their lives

Say now,
Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout the Redlands, no no
ZULCH is the auto works
I'm tellin' you
That's where they take
All the cars that they hurt
Come on and let's all go down to San Ber'dino
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo
Let's-a go down down down
Down in San Ber'dino
Wouldja b'lieve it
Wouldja b'lieve it now, come on
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
(Got to call it)
San Ber'dino
(C'mere)
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
(Oh, God, they all stay there)
The rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino

Oh Bobby, I'm sorry you gotta head like a potato
I really am
(Ketchup!)

 

[fox69]

"Say Please"

"Say Please"


Please!
Say please!

[FZ:] We take turns conducting
[John Lennon:] Okay

 

[fox69]

"Scrutinizer Postlude"

"Scrutinizer Postlude"


[Central Scrutinizer:]
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... again. Hi!...It's me again,
the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe says Lucille has messed bis mind up,
but, was it the girl or was it the music? As you can see .. .girls, music,
disease, heartbreak.. .they all go together.. Joe found out the hard way, but
his troubles were just beginning... his mind was so messed up... he could
hardly do nothin' .. .He was in aquandary ... being devoured by the swirling
cesspool of his own steaming desires.. .the guy was a wreck.. .so.. .what
does he do? For once, he does something SMART...he goes out... and
pays a lot of money to L. Ron Hoover... at the First Church of Appliantology!

SCRUTINIZER'S POSTLUDE

Eventually it was discovered
That God
Did not want us to be
All the same
This was
BAD NEWS
For the Governments of The World
As it seemed contrary
To the doctrine of
Portion Controlled Servings
Mankind must be made more uniformly
If THE FUTURE
Was going to work
Various ways were sought
To bind us all together
But, alas SAMENESS was unenforceable
It was about this time
That someone
Came up with the idea of TOTAL CRIMINALIZATION
Based on the principle that
If we were ALL crooks
We could at last be uniform
To some degree
In the eyes of THE LAW
Shrewdly our legislators calculated
That most people were
Too lazy to perform a
REAL CRIME
So new laws were manufactured
Making it possible for anyone
To violate them any time of the day or night,
And
Once we had all broken some kind of law
We'd all be in the same big happy club
Right up there with the President,
The most exalted industrialists,
And the clerical big shots
Of all your favorite religions
TOTAL CRIMINALIZATION
Was the greatest idea of its time
And was vastly popular
Except with those people
Who didn't want to be crooks or outlaws,
So, of course, they had to be TRICKED INTO IT...
Which is one of the reasons why
Music
Was eventually made
Illegal

 

[fox69]

"Scum Bag"

"Scum Bag"


Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Eh, yo, yeah, yo
Scum Bag
(Gonna put all my posessions in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna shut my damn pa-jamas in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna put my dirty movies in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna put my Yoko records in a)
Scum Bag
(Gonna put my old high school in a)
Scum Bag
(Everybody, everybody, by the)
Scum Bag
(Oh, my pretty baby, do the)
Scum Bag
(Everybody)
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag
(Oh, Yoko's in a)
Scum Bag
(Everybody, everybody)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag!
(All God's children gotta)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag!
Oh, Scum Bag
Ah, ooh, gotta Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Choo choo choo . . .
Scum Bag, Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag

[FZ:] Hey, listen! I don't know whether you can tell what the words are to this song, but there's only two of them, and I'd like to have you sing along 'cause it's real easy. Anybody who comes to the Fillmore East can sing the song. The name of the song is "Scum Bag," okay? And all you gotta do is sing "Scum Bag." Right on, brothers and sisters, let's hear it for the Scum Bag!

Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Come on, come on, come on
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag

Scum Bag, baby, Scum Bag
Scum Bag

Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag, baby
Scum Bag to me, baby
Scum Bag
(Scum Bag to me, baby)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
(Scum Bag to me baby)
Scum Bag
SCUM BAG
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Do the Scum Bag, hey
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
(Scum Bag, hey)
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Answer now
Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum Bag, Scum Bag, Scum Bag
Scum Bag . . .
Ooh, Scum Bag
Scum Bag
Scum-bag
Scum-bag
Scum-baaag
Scum-baaag
Scum-baaaaag
Scum-baaaag, scum-baaaag, scum-baaag . . .

[FZ:] Good night, boys and girls!

 

[fox69]

"Semi-Fraudulent / Direct-From-Hollywood Overture"

"Semi-Fraudulent / Direct-From-Hollywood Overture"


[Theodore Bikel:]
Ladies and gentlemen!

[Chorus:]
200 motels

[Theodore Bikel:]
200 motels . . . Life on the road!

[Theodore Bikel:]
Ladies and gentlemen! and here is . . .

[Chorus:]
Who?

[Theodore Bikel:]
Larry the dwarf!
Larry likes to dress up funny
Tonight he's dressed up like Frank Zappa
Let's ask him "What's the deal?"

Say!