Frank Zappa

[fox69]

"He's Watching Us"

"He's Watching Us"


[Kensington Palace Hotel
1st script reading of "200 Motels"
January 18, 1971]

[Howard:] It's him, he's watching us!
[Mark:] You think he heard us?
[Ian:] I've been in the band for years, and . . . you can bet that he hears everything
[Jeff:] Let's go over and pretend to be nice to him
[Howard:] Let's go over and pretend we don't know he's watching
[Mark:] And ripping off all our good material
[Howard:] Hi, man
[Ian:] Hi, Frank
[Mark:] Hi, man
[Jeff:] Hi, Frank
[Aynsley:] Hi, man
[George:] Hi, Frank
[Mark:] Well, that's a great new comic song you wrote, that one about the penis and everything, I was laughing a lot while I was learning it
[Howard:] Yeah, Frank, uh, it was a little hard to get into it first, but, uh, once we got the drift . . .
[Jeff:] That's a real great part you got in there for the chorus when they go ran-tan-toon ran-ta-tan, while I steal the room and everything, I don't mind he's ripping it off so long I get paid . . .
[Mark:] Me too, I won't even care 'bout the part where it goes "what can I say about this elixir?" so long as me and Howard and Jeff get credit for special material, there's some bad ground acid . . . Aynsley, you can take it with a grain of salt, ha ha ha . . .
[Aynsley:] I don't mean to upset you, lads . . . I don't mean to upset you, lads, but the reason my retorts were so snappy is because he's making me do this, I should imagine he's making you do yours too, isn't he?
[Howard:] Get out of here, you creep, you used to live in his house!
[Aynsley:] See you later, lads

 

[fox69]

"Heavenly Bank Account"

"Heavenly Bank Account"



And if these words you do not heed
Your pocket book just kinda might recede
When some man comes along and claims a godly need
He will clean you out right through your tweed

That's right, remember there is a big difference between
kneeling down and bending over...

He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account.. .
All from those chumps who was
Born again
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got seven limousines
And a private plane...
All for use of his
Special Friends
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got thousand-dollar suits
And a Wembley Tie...
Girls love to stroke it
While he's on the phone
Oh yeah, oh yeah
At the House of Representatives
He's a groovy guy. . .
When he Gives Thanks He is not alone. . .

He is dealin'
He is really dealin' IRS can't determine
Where The Hook is
It is easy with the Bible
To pretend that
You're in Show Biz
They won't get him
They will never get him
For the naughty stuff
That he did
It is best in cases like this
To pretend that
You are stupid

He's got Presidential Help
All along the way
He says the grace
While the lawyers chew
Oh yeah
They sure do
And the Governors agree to say: "He's a lovely man!"
He makes it easier for
Them to screw
All of you...
Yes, that's true!
'Cause he helps put
The Fear of God
In the Common Man
Snatchin' up money
Everywhere he can
Oh yeah Oh yeah
He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account
You ain't got nothin', people
You ain't got nothin', people
You ain't got nothin', people
Thank the man.. .oh yeah

 

[fox69]

"Heavy Duty Judy"

"Heavy Duty Judy"


[includes an excerpt from Hands With A Hammer and part of the leather conversation]

[Bozzio:] Talk him down, Vic . . .
[Moire:] Mmm . . .
[O'Hearn:] Come on down, Johnny . . .
[Moire:] Okay . . .

 

[fox69]

"Help, I'm A Rock"

"Help, I'm A Rock"



Help, I'm a rock
Help, I'm a rock
Help, I'm a rock
Help, I'm a rock

Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah

Ay-yo ee-ow-ee-ow-ee
Veni-ma-no too mah
Veni veni ka toree tor (see'dra votra nee!)
Vedi-vedi ki-ta-la tom-bay
Vel-lay ka-la tay-la-tor
Vel-lay kay-la ta-la-sor
Vel-lay kay-lay ka-la-tor
Vel-lay kay-la sa-la-tay
Vor-a kor-ay tor-a-tor
Vel-la kay-la sa-la tch'ay
Vor-a kor-ay kay-a la kur'ad
Vor-a silli kay-t'ay tcha-to
Vor-a kay-ay tay-lay tay-ay tcha-to

Klanna-tholl
Klanna-tholl
Klanna-tholl
Pik-a-dill-a do-tchay
Pik-a-li-sa no-say (o-ooh)

Bi-ni-bi-ni me-ho-la-ka ta-ka-ho-ba
Say-kay pay-tay-ho-a-la tur-i-ca (Mee-oo-da-ra)
Chil-li pil-li ka-zi-o-bi-a bee bee bee bee (Do-dee-bop)
You know...(a-mad hee)

(Arrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee...)
Oooooooooooaaaaaaaaaa...
OOOOaaaaaaaaaaa.........(ah, hah)

O-wee ya yo yo yo a-ki-o wee
A-ki-o-ka a-yi-a-ee
A-ki-o-ka o-ki-o-wee
A-ki-o-ka o-ki-o-wee
A-ki-o-ka o-ki-o-wee
A-ki-o-ka o-ki-o-wee
A ki-o-ka o-wee-say ya-vo

Pedi-goh
Pedi-koh
Ann-i tcho-ee-see-na
Per-a-ko-ee-say
Kar-ra
May-a-ta
Uh-oh
Uh-oh
Uh-oh
Uh-oh
Uh-oh
Hay-lo
Pray-lo
Say la do sa ka ho-say
Vay-lay ko say-let-a-no
Vay-la ka sa la to-shay
Va-la ko-lo-tay
Ay-o
Lay-o
Lay-o
Aaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaa
O-ha o-ha yew
Ah-yew
Lay la-fan
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Help, I'm a rock!
Help, I'm a rock!
Help, I'm a rock!
Somebody!
Help, I'm a rock!
Please!
Help, I'm a rock!
Please!
Help, I'm a rock!
Please!
Help, I'm a rock!
Wow!
Help, I'm a rock!
Wow!
Help, I'm a rock!
Help, I'm a rock!
Somebody helps me

Wow, man, it's a drag being a rock
(Help, I'm a rock)
(Help, I'm a rock)
(Help, I'm a rock)
I wish I was anything but a rock
Heck, I'd even like to be a policeman
Hey, you know what?
You know maybe if I practice, you know
Maybe if I pass my driving test
I could get a gig drivin' that bus that pick the freaks up
In front of Ben Frank's, right?

Help, I'm a cop!
Help, I'm a cop!
Help, I'm a cop!
Help, I'm a cop!
(Help, I'm a rock)
Help, I'm a cop!
(Help, I'm a rock)

It's a drag being a cop
I think I'd rather be the mayor

Always wondered what I was gonna be when I grew up, you know
Always wondered whether or not . . . whether or not I could make it
You know, in society, because,
You know, it's a drag when you're rejected
So I tore the cover off a book of matches
And I sent in
And I got this letter back that said . . .

 

[fox69]

"Hitch Hike"

"Hitch Hike"



Well, I'm goin' to Chicago
That's the last place my baby stayed (Hitch hike)
Hitch hike (Hitch hike, baby)
I've got my bags all packed and ready
Gonna leave this old town right away (Hitch hike)
Hey hey
I've got to find that girl
If I have to hitch hike 'round the world
Hitch hike, baby

Mmm, Chicago city
That's what the sign on the highway read (Hitch hike)
Hitch hike (Hitch hike, baby)
I've got to make it to that street corner
Down to 6th and 3rd (Hitch hike)
Hey hey (Hitch hike, baby)
I've got to find that girl
If I have to hitch hike 'round the world
Hitch hike, baby

Hitch hike (Hitch hike)
Hitch hike, baby (Hitch hike, baby)
Hitch hike (Hitch hike)
Hitch hike, baby (Hitch hike, baby)
Hitch hike (Hitch hike)
Hitch hike, baby (Hitch hike, baby)
Hitch hike
Aw, hitch hike . . . come on now

Well, I'm going to St. Louis
But my next stop just might be L.A. (Hitch hike)
What I say (Hitch hike, baby)
I've got no money in my pocket
So I'm gonna have to hitch hike all the way (Hitch hike)
Hey hey (Hitch hike, baby)
I've got to find that girl
If I have to hitch hike 'round the world
Hitch hike, baby

Hitch hike (Hitch hike)
Hitch hike, baby (Hitch hike, baby)
Hitch hike (Hitch hike)
Hitch hike, children (Hitch hike, baby)
Hitch hike
Hitch hike, baby
Aw, hitch hike
Aw, hitch hike
Come on

Yeah, I'm going to St. Louis
But my next stop just might be L.A. (Hitch hike)
What I say (Hitch hike, baby)
I've got no money in my pocket
So I'm gonna have to hitch hike all the way (Hitch hike)
Hey hey (Hitch hike, baby)
I've got to find that girl
If I have to hitch hike 'round the world
Hitch hike, baby

Hitch hike (Hitch hike)
Hitch hike, baby (Hitch hike, baby)
Hitch hike (Hitch hike)
Hitch hike, children (Hitch hike, baby)
Hitch hike (Hitch hike)
Hitch hike, baby (Hitch hike, baby)
Hitch hike
Aw, hitch hike
Come on now

 

[fox69]

"Hog Heaven"

"Hog Heaven"


[includes part of the leather conversation]

[Bozzio:] God, that was really beautiful . . .
[O'Hearn:] Ha-uh . .

 

[fox69]

"Holding The Group Back"

"Holding The Group Back"


[FZ:] Then, from out of the corner from the stage, comes Roy Ralph Estrada, perturbed at the present situation within the Mothers.

[Roy:] Domino, Domino, Domino Biz-bo-OH,
Domino Biz-bo-OH, Amen, Domino Biz-bo, Hallelujah, eh . . .
[Ian:] Et cum spiritu tuo . . .
[Roy:] Ian, I don't think I qualify for the Mothers
([FZ:] They're making up their lines as they go along, isn't it thrilling?)
[Ian:] Why, Roy?
[Roy:] Because I don't think I'm qualified. I think, I think I'm holding the group back because I'm a MEXICAN. And also because I don't play bass good.
[Ian:] I don't care how you can play bass but we have NO MEXICANS in this group.
[Roy:] And I wanna join your group.
[Ian:] No Mexicans!
[Roy:] I can sing opera, I have already quit, I cut my hair, I got all my shit together here. I can do it.
[Ian:] I don't care how you look you gotta be able to cut the part.
[Roy:] I can sing. Please. Please, Ian, give me a CHANCE.
[Ian:] I don't believe you can sing.
[Roy:] Ah, PLEASE! Ah, Ian, please, hear my PLEA! PLEASE, IAN! PLE-E-E-EASE! I can do it, give me a CHANCE! PLEASE! Please, IAN!
([FZ:] Try me!)
[Roy:] BWAH-AH-AH-AH! Please!
[Ian:] Okay Mexican
[Roy:] Please?
[Ian:] Okay Mexican
[Roy:] Okay.
[Ian:] Sing this note:

[Roy (with JCB):]
You think everything gonna be alright.

[Ian:] Okay. You passed the first part of your audition. Now you gotta sing . . .
[Roy:] Mi, mi, mi, mi . . .

 

[fox69]

"Holiday In Berlin"

"Holiday In Berlin"


Poo-lah
Poo-la-ah poo-lah
Poo-da poo-lah poo-lah poo-oo-lah
Wee-ooo-wee-ooo-eee-eee-ooo-ooo
Ah-ah-ah ah-aaah-ah-aaah
Aa-aa-ah aa-ah
Wee-ooo-wee-ooo
Aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aah

[Ensemble:] BOOH! BOOH!

 

[fox69]

"Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?"

"Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?"


Honey honey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey
Baby don't you want a man like me
He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe)
His fav'rite phrase was "OUTA-SITE!"
He had an Irish Setter
It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night
The moon was dim, the band was tight
They did the Bump together
What a splendid sight, her teeth were white
The drinks were cheap (it was Ladies Nite)
He was glad that he met her
She was an office girl (her name was Betty)
Her fav'rite group was HELEN REDDY
(They discussed the weather)

[CHORUS REPEAT]

She was a lonely sort, just a little too short
Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport
Was hockey (in the winter)
He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest
Any sport with a PUCK had to be 'bout the best
As he jabbed his elbow in her (get it honey?)
Later on they went off to where the music was soft.
The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY
Who delivered their dinner
The rice was brown, and soon they found
That the crowd around that had jammed the room,
Well it seemed to be getting thinner

[CHORUS REPEAT]

He took her home to a motor court
She wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it,
But it made him angry!
He called her a slut, a pig and a whore
A bitch and a cunt and she slammed the door
In a petulant frenzy!
On the sofa she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she peeps
Through the curtain
He just got in his car
But the battery's dead
So he asks to use the phone
And she gives him some head
And that's the end of the story

[CHORUS REPEAT]

 

[fox69]

"Hordern Intro (Incan Art Vamp)"

"Hordern Intro (Incan Art Vamp)"


[Deranged Fan:] RIGHT NOW!

[FZ:] Good evening, ladies & gentlemen, welcome to The Mothers Of Invention Extravaganza for Sydney, Australia, 1976. And tonight featuring the dynamic Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals...
[Napoleon:] Wen-a-hena-hena-hean (Hel-l-l-lp me!)
[FZ:] The probably overheated later in the program Andre Lewis on keyboards, the extremely susceptible to increases in tempo tiny skinny foxy little cute little available tonight to each and everyone of the ladies in the audience, and maybe some of the other persons that might be interested in him, little skinny Terry "Ted" Bozzio on drums. And last, but not least, Roy Ralph Moleman Guacamole Guadalupe Hidalgo Estrada on bass.