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I'm in the dungeon under torchlight, hunting for some more fights
Lunging at these monsters with a hundred different sword types
Sorry chum, this one just isn't your night
I'm plundering your undergarments but they feel all tight
I collect the sets of armor, check my rare pajamas
I slot the buttonhole with ember for some extra mana
My hotbar's rock hard, I'm rough like a dog bark
You're taking a beating, I've got heart
Drop bars like a bard practising a lost art
Rap battling a path to the boss part on hard
To ensure I've done the job, I employ a wondrous wand
You just can't get the staff these days, go on, jog on
Waving my piece at dangerous beasts, aim and then squeeze
Flaming and making them bleed, draining their veins
Changing their brain to debris, savour the pain and release
When I slay 'em and the game says, "Your fame has increased"

Open up a portal, get back to town
Trade resources at the stores and then head back down
Lay the smack down on an smorgasbord of organisms
If you've got an issue with it, soz, it isn't your decision
This is an important mission and in your position
I'd put a cork in it, stop talking all this squawk and listen
Or I'll leave you in a poor condition, call a mortician
There's nothing more that we can do for you, the lore's been written
Feed my pet a couple of fishes, delicious
Please grant my wishes when I enchant my britches
When I'm battling with a Mycon, see a Tu'tara pick a fight
See a Ratlin get a fight on while I'm sparring with a Bittersprite

Look, I'm not the fickle type, never discriminated
If it exists, then it begs to be eliminated, immolated
And if I spring a Mimic imitating anything
You better believe that I'll obliterate it
With a vicious uppercut, call it a facelift
If you faith, pray 'cause your fate's writ
Gadzooks, look in my hands, loot gathered up to transmute
The money that I earn gets burned like a damn Zoot
I'm overloading on potions and just hoping
I can go in on the next boss without overdosing
All this alchemy is probably not healthy, meaning
If I use it on my enemies it'll be helping me

Light the torches
And get down




I knew I was a fully grown man, a true bloke
The moment I moved over to Lego from Duplo
I was beautifully naive; a little Rousseau
I didn't follow instructions, to this day I rarely do so
It's true, bro, back then I never had a Cluedo
That I was musical; I didn't do sports, I was too slow
There was no sudoku, I did lots of crosswords
Wordsearches, Where's Wally and dot to dots
No aerial in the TV, so there wasn't a lot to watch
My parents played with me, in a way to please Doctor Spock
To my mom and my dad I'm honoured to have, I want to just thank you
With your support I'm rolling on top of the track like Thomas The Tank do

Man I love my toys
From action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games
Man I love my toys
If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same

Before I could pour liquor, or buy cigarettes in a shop
I had football stickers in a nice little deck that I swapped
Collecting the Pogs, and I had loads of Tazos
No notion it was only a passing fad though
Nothing could distract me from the task in hand
Racking all my little cars up into one massive traffic jam
I wasn't a massive fan of Action Man, that lacked the tactics Dan was
After, tasks with grand strategy and a battle plan
See the scene, a sea of green plastic army men
Amassed on a carpet desert, the three piece suite was sweeping scenery
No need to make a Tracy Island, I had one in the first place
And that was F.A.B.
A fucking awesome birthday!

Man I love my toys
From action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games
Man I love my toys
If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same

I'm in a stupid mood, the rudest dude
My language is that colourful, I twist it like a Rubik's cube
I made a bandana from my dad's tie I think was purple
Can't recall the name of that specific Ninja Turtle
Me, I'm on that line of Brio kinda steelo
I roll it out then bring it sliding right back just like a Whee-lo
I write these raps to open up your mind like Mighty Max
Stacking rhymes like Jenga bricks until you hear a mighty crash
Flows crush you like the Stay Puft from Ghostbusters
As I transform a simple sentence into one of those punches
Some kids had a Happy Meal for most lunches
Let's just say they won't be in Olympic host countries

Man I love my toys
From action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games
Man I love my toys
If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same

I had a Golliwog, to which I was a bit hostile
The way I played could make behaviourists watchful
Maybe I'm racist - don't what I got so pissed off for
Regarding races, racing cars, I had a big boxful
I used to burn them over candles with Chris Cottrill
And once I got a Lego cannonball stuck in my nostril
I love cyber pets of either sex, my Tamagotchi
Got treated, spoilt and overfed, he was hella podgy
Felt godly, I was the one to whom AI would look up
But I couldn't get my Furby to shut the fuck up
Kids, advertisers sell you shit they cook up
If you want a nostalgic trip, hit me up, I've got the hook up
I've got He-Man and She-Ra, I've got Trolls
They're called poseable action figurines, not dolls
It's a shame that toys are frowned upon for adults cause there's
Nothing much for us except the rubber stuff at Ann Summers

Man I love my toys
From action figures to puzzles, cards, stickers and games
Man I love my toys
If I hadn't played my imagination wouldn't be the same
Man I love my toys




When I was a young boy, I wanted to be a film star
I wanted to star in my own action film called "Motorbike Man 12"
I don't know why specifically twelve, it just sounded cool!
But anyway, needless to say "Motorbike Man 12" never actually materialized
But instead, I have this

[Verse 1:]
Check out my motorbike, I hope you like it
I'm a mix of a fighter pilot and a cyclist
Never mind physics, because I find it a little inapplicable
Right when I fly, limits never apply
And it's evident I'm not going to be the first daredevil to die
My hell is a temperate climate, So I'm revving on the engine
Just to get the frickin' temperature rising, never mind driving
I get my high riding, spinning my tires as I'm descending and climbin'
Livin' the high life, I'm literally high, pour me a Mai Tai
With a little lemon and lime in
All I need to eat is three square meals
And all I need to move is two round wheels
And when I nail a perfect landing I can't find the words
To describe 'dem feels', I lack an equal, a mix of man and eagle
Savagely ravaging people, Leave them wobbling like a weebel
I take a track and leave a battle scene
Gravity, hasn't been, something that particularly hassled me
People are chatting "See, well I imagine he's been to NASA's astronaut academy"
"Hasn't he?", You're lagging, keep up! All but forgotten
Stand like a man or you'll be falling on your bottom!
Rag doll rolling on the floor, you're performance is really rather poor
If you're struggling to keep up anymore
I'd really like for you to tell me what the hell you're here for!
I wield more balls than tournaments in snooker
A super duper loop-the-looper
The manner in which I'm shooting through the hoops
Is moving you into a stupor!
Face full of smoke like the user of a hookah
I'll leave you newbies trying to reach the new bit
Finding each solution and can finally be moving
From motorcycle riding to writing decent music
My old style's miles higher
It's Trials Evolution!

"Motorbike Man 12".. in very very very selective cinemas too. When I say selective
It doesn't even exist. I still want to do the film "Motorbike Man 12". Please


"Trials Fusion"

"Trials Fusion"

I'm sitting on the saddle of my motorcylce
Kicking up the gravel that'll poke your eyeball
Making roads though only sidewards
Go to the right 'til I pawn my rivals
My bike can fly, I'm rising skyward
You wouldn't like to try this but I would
Go higher
No wires
'Til my bones are broke like plywood
Two wheels and a health care policy
When I ride, there's a health scare, honestly
With the hospital costs that I've got
Every third world debt could be dropped and forgot
Look chum, between me and you
There must be an easier route
But if I took a bus for an easy commute
Then I wouldn't see the scenery too
My team is a beaut
Fifty nifty people who
Who can easily do maneuvers
That need to be seen to believe to be true
We'll leave it to you
To see a futuristic mystic misfit
Do the sickest flip trick in the district
'Til I break stuff like the dude that's in limp bizkit
You're too simplistic to risk it
You could sit and sift through statistics
And never see another human who's sadistic
Through ballistics
Kick in the ignition 'til my boots are twisted
True peristence and brutal quickness
Rips through resistance of stupid nitwits
It's a twist of the wrist and the gears are shifted
Give me a kiss
Oops, I smeared your lipstick
Clearly gifted, considerably
We're here to get lifted, literally
If you're in my vision even peripherally
I'll rip you to little pieces deliberately
Plenty more fish in the sea, I'm throwing nets out
Picking a team, only the best, wow
Collectively we're going to leave you stressed out
'Til evidently you gonna need a rest
I apologise for my intrusion
But I want to fight with Isaac Newton
When I ride my bike disproving his life's delusion
I'd confuse him
Gravity is a trite illusion
That tries reducing my skyward movement
But my conclusion is I'm going to fly
It's trials fusion


"Triumphant Trump (Trump Raps His Inauguration Speech)"

"Triumphant Trump (Trump Raps His Inauguration Speech)"

This beat here is yuuuge
It's time to get tough
I've got the nuclear codes now
Your dreams and nightmares just became reality
And now your tax dollars go to pay my salary
Ha, Hillary!
It really didn't take me much to crush her
Except perhaps a teeny little extra push from Russia
Hey, I warned you all along that the election was rigged
Now let's switch our best fighter jet for a MIG
I'm gonna drain the swamp in Washington
'Cause letting any politician but me talk's a waste of oxygen
Beat illegals? We'll get Mexico to build a wall
Terrorists and New York Times journalists? Kill them all
So bitter I come up with solid gold shit to stick on Twitter
While I'm sitting on my solid gold shitter
Spend a minimum of ten grand when I go to dinner
I grab the waitress by the pussy but I don't tip her
No malt liquor, I'm an XO sipper
Ho hitter, vote rigger, still a show winner, go figure
Liberals are so triggered, mad as Margot Kidder
Call me Neo-Hitler, married to a gold digger
I call up Kanye, Milo, Nige and Alex Jones
Target ISIS, whoops, we hit a random home
Hey, They were probably bad guys, don't start this debate again
I never said it wouldn't take pain to make us great again
I'm tired of being politically or factually correct
It's President Trump now, you can cancel the elect
We won't be needing that any more
I'm smart, you're stupid
I'm tough, you're weak
I'm the President, you're not
The Triumphant Trump


"Ultralight Beam"

"Ultralight Beam"

Ladies and gentlemen
Welcome to the start of the greatest album of all time
The Life of Pablo

A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four

Ultralight beam, ultralight beam
Ultralight beam, ultralight beam
Ultralight beam, ultralight beam
Ultra-ultra-ultralight beam

Ultralight beam, ultralight beam
Ultralight beam, ultralight beam
An ultralight beam ain't what it seems
And if you're not down in my team then you're leem
And by leem I mean lame but it didn't quite rhame
It didn't quite rhyme, I'm in the right frame of mind, eh




An eagle soares
As the streets all crawl with people, stores and debris on the floor
We sweep up in awe at the cathedral walls
This city's laws are in need of rehaul
Freedom calls
Soldiers amassing and stacking their ammunition deep in the courts
Stand in a rank v. tattered banners and flags enacting a massacre
The assassins see this and leap from the walls unsure what the August Decrees did at all
Are you sure the Bastille couldn't fall?
We should rally morale and proceed with the war
Locks are chopped
The drawbridge drops
The raucus flock 'til they're reaching the courts ignoring the shots meat for the slaughter bleed on the floor just reeking of gore
Thanks a lot to the sans-culottes for yanking off the breeches they wore
Breaching the walls and windows leap to the floor and the smokescreen it before defeating the bourgeoisie with a claw
I'm sure we've seen this before
Better catch and dispatch him or that matchstick'll blast this bastion to ashes
That sort of action's a burning mistake
Chat to my back cause I'm turning away
The earliest grave is the turn of your fate courtesy of the dear Third Estate

Gentile alouette
Je te plumerai
Je te plumerai la tête
Je te plumerai la tête
Et la tête
Et la tête
Je te plumerai la tête

The blade of the guillotine drops
I look at my watch then put it in my pocket and hurry, I've got to run in and stop my unlucky target succumbing to harm and crumbling under the chopping block while onlookers watch in numbness and shock
Back to the backstreets and the cobble
No palace these chaps dream of a hovel
Run around the action
Gunpowder blasting
Push past the crowds and leap up a shop wall
Two hops and I'm on the rooftop
Move to a new spot and then I'll soon drop
Assess the scene eagle-eyed who needs to bleed who needs to die you need to read between the lines and move the bleating sheep aside
This is the reason why
I made the decision to leave Versailles
Grim Reaper, unsheathe my scythe then cleave and leave deprived of the need to breathe or even be alive, at least
You see, I need to find Elise cause she gives me a reason to be a lease on life as we unite

Gentile alouette
Je te plumerai
Je te plumerai la tête
Je te plumerai la tête
Et la tête
Et la tête
Je te plumerai la tête





Oi gisborne
You're in the midst of a big storm
The rich fawn while the poor can't keep the their kids warm
So you can attack me, hack me and block me
But you'll never stop me from following loxley
Just watch me
I'm one in a million merry men and women in your citizenship
Who are seriously sick of it
So we declare your leadership
To be a little bit illegitimate
It's chilling isn't it?
Your men we give them stick
Like it's a piece of cake
Fight for everything at stake
Uniting the three estates
Ay, the smallest of viruses
Can cause the fall of the taullest of tyrants quick
Using the volumes to contradict their intended purpose
Rising up from the underground 'til we enter th surface
We are not asking for a world thatss incredibly perfect
We just want to live in a state that's fair enough to be worth it
For an amateur that's brandashing a camera
Well he's a heavy hammerer
That'll dash up and damage you
Loxley's a kid with big bloody balls
He'll rob from the rich and give to the poor
This is a war
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"Watch Dogs"

"Watch Dogs"

I'm smacking a man with a baton in hand
That is the plan
Blasting a gat at a gang
(Click) Bang (Bang bang)
No matter how fast they ran
I'm packing the baddest of backup plans
Attackers, I hack them and transfer the data then
Crack with the elbow the prat has just fell over
Blast 'til the last man stands
The flick of a switch
The sprinkler spits
An image of somebody nibbling fish using a chick as a dish
This is ridiculous shit
(Haah) Call it tomfoolery
Who's the girl? The one with the jewellery
I'm sneaking up on any fool that be
Foolish enough to believe he's as cool as me
Popping a shot in his noggin and holding a hostage
Who folded and told so I hold off from offing him dead
One shot in the leg and walk off as he begs
Now the coppers have entered the scene
I've left them and fled as I head to the street
Thinking they got me but I'm not backing down
Stop the clock and the city is blacking out
Lagging out
I'll grab you now
You panic as I ram a police man into the ground
And now they've gone and found the human trafficker
The Superman with the computer
Is after you pursuing and hacking you

Wherever you go I own every zone
Heavily loaded with loads of the cleverest pro kit
Wrecking the road with my tech as my phone
#9litcHes# [*Glitches*]
A second of code into the system
And I'm dressed up as a regular Joe
In regular clothes
And nobody could ever expose it
Oh sh*t
I'm ready to just rev and then go
Ever so slow then wait to accelerate whenever the moment is..
(Go) wait...
I'm ready I'm going in

Picking up a ticket for the method of my driving?
Nah, I'm skiving
I am wickeder than wicked
And I take it into hiding
Quicker than a whippet (Where?)
In west riding
Whipping out the whip
It's hide and seek
Quick, let's whip inside and see
If I can divine a unique
Design that'll silently peek
Behind every blind
So I can provide
Any enemy with a violent surprise
Survey the scene it's Aiden Pearce
Don't care who your agency is
You're facing the meanest surveillance genius
Leave an imprint of your face in the street
Just DDoSing
Tossing them in the sea
Cause I'm an MC
Constantly watching and seeking
So watch what you're speaking
Stopping a chopper from dropping a spot
In the spot that I be in
Got to be leaving
Pealing off on my feet like socks on a hot day
Leaping off of the bar
Good evening, officer I just need to see the bars
I've got on my phone and leave you lot in the dark
Now the city's power is ours
And I'm devouring it stopping the heart
I'm on a boat
It's obvious I'm a boss hog
Watch Dog
Watching the watchers I've got to log off