Dan Bull

[fox69]

"The Fastest Tortoise On The Planet"

"The Fastest Tortoise On The Planet"


[Intro:]
Hello, it's Dan Bull
Guinness World Records have challenged me to make a song using content from their books
Guinness World Records 2016, Guinness World Record 2016 Gamer's Edition
I said I could make songs about anything
So uh
Challenge accepted
Here we go

[Verse 1:]
If you're a tortoise
It doesn't matter
You can still be the fastest tortoise on the planet
Practice makes perfect
So put the work in
To succeed isn't free
You've got to earn it
Take every calorie and burn it
Take every curveball that hits you, return it
Take every lesson and learn it
Until the fact you're the best is the verdict
Whether you do it alone or play in a team
The world's one big arcade machine
There's seven billion of us playing
Each unique
Get engaged in the game
And then chase your dream
Take control
Roll with the punches
Break the mold
Take a stroll on your crutches
Refine your craft and your talent
'Til nobody else on the planet can touch it

[Hook:]
I want to be the biggest
The strongest
The oldest
The youngest
The fastest
The longest
I wanna be the largest
The tallest
The brightest
The darkest
The hardest
The smallest
I wanna be me
I wanna be the best I can be
I wanna be me
I wanna be the best that I can be

[Verse 2:]
My goodness [x8]
Look
If there's anything the tortoise taught us
It's to never tread water
Never cut corners
To take no quarter
When you break those borders
Whether you
Deform your face
Eat all the grapes
Or crush a biscuit betwixt your shoulder blades
Grow your fingernails out
Run in clogs
Spit flames
Raise funny dogs
What are you the best at?
Better than the rest at?
What are you self taught?
Or genetically blessed at?
Whoever you are there's a record you can set
Fact
When I said you've got potential
I meant that
And approach each unique plan
Two thumbs up
On each hand
Write it down with the world's biggest ball point pen
And then
Do it all again
To the end

[Hook:]
I want to be the biggest
The strongest
The oldest
The youngest
The fastest
The longest
I wanna be the largest
The tallest
The brightest
The darkest
The hardest
The smallest
I wanna be me
I wanna be the best I can be
I wanna be me
I wanna be the best that I can be

[Outro:]
That was alright, wasn't it?

 

[fox69]

"The Gospel According To Trademark West"
(feat. The Slapdash Rapper)

"The Gospel According To Trademark West"
(feat. The Slapdash Rapper)



Hello sir, good morning
please answer the door
We've been knocking for an hour
and we'd really like your attention for a second
we've a message for you
Bless you
Yes, you need to hear the good news
Of our Saviour, our blessed destiny manifest
Let me tell you about our Lord and Saviour, Kanye West

Kanye loves you
and you should love Kanye
More importantly Kanye loves Kanye
Kanye is the brightest
the best and the boldest
and we know this
because Kanye told us

He wakes in the morning with his flawless skin
In an enormous four poster bed and he grins
Jawline to die for plus he's married to Kim
in a gorgeous Fur coat that he's already in
And you can forget cologne
Kanye farts pure pheromones
a full length mirror by the bog
Watch the Throne
See he makes the best cup of tea
He only uses half a sugar but it tastes like three
He steps out of his mansion if the skies are grey
Claps his hands and the fans come and brighten his day
He waves to the waiting paparazzi
passes a tray of lemonade
and a plate of panda pasties
It's not nasty
that he should make a tasty snack, see
They're mating in his garden
and he's bringing back the species
then he sees and fistbumps the postman
Praise Yeezus!
More fanmail to open

Kanye loves you
and you should love Kanye
More importantly Kanye loves Kanye
Kanye is the brightest
the best and the boldest
and we know this
because Kanye told us

When I say he's from the street
I mean he's on the street
Greeting everyone he meets
and it's beyond belief
knocked up my wife with a high five
the highlight of my life
sired a child on my behalf
My, what a nice guy
I know right
but with genetics this miraculous
why would he even need to remix his ejaculate?
When asexual eugenics is exceedingly spectacular
Erection?
Fabulous!
Conception?
Miraculous!
He sleeps with Kim for fun, but he really doesnt need to
When Kanye reproduces he splits like an amoeba
He's the key to prevent humanity's destruction
he can build IKEA flatpacks without the instructions
He transcends the proletariat's class struggle
He can travel through time
and he can juggle

Kanye loves you
and you should love Kanye
More importantly Kanye loves Kanye
Kanye is the brightest
the best and the boldest
and we know this
because Kanye told us

He visited the third world, made dirty water sanitized
Met an orphan girl and Autotuned her daddy back to life
Brought peace to the Middle East
and ceased global conflict
manipulates the world so it's just the way he wants it
Reiterates for all that he can silence the racists
Who are you to say he's not the first black spaceship?
Leaps into the sky seeding life on other planets
The universe can't even exist without him, can it?
What's triggered this?
He's shrieking his lungs out
He's talking gibberish and speaking in tongues
wow

[Insert "Life of Pablo"]

Kanye loves you
and you should love Kanye
More importantly Kanye loves Kanye
Kanye is the brightest
the best and the boldest
and we know this
because Kanye told us

 

[fox69]

"The Last Guardian"
(feat. Miracle Of Sound)

"The Last Guardian"
(feat. Miracle Of Sound)



We spoke unspoken things
We rode on broken wings
We wrote a symphony with broken bows and broken strings
We harmonised to bring eachother simple hope from hymns
We spoke unspoken things
We rode on broken wings

I still remember the day that I met you
To begin with I didn't quite get you
And I bet you didn't get me
When you sneezed and I said bless you
Remember the days of getting acquainted?
We were chained together with pain
But yet it's the same tether that made a friendship
That no oppressor could tame
We severed the chain
Shedding the weight
And made a clever escape
Through terrible weather and flame
Frayed fur and feathers never the same
Together we celebrate
Commiserate
Share treasure and blame
By any given measure you make
We're the best
The better
The best of mates

We spoke unspoken things
We rode on broken wings
We wrote a symphony with broken bows and broken strings
We harmonised to bring eachother simple hope from hymns
Akin to lowly folk and kings
Sharing a token drink
Opening a link once closed
To simply sit like bros and sing
We broke the mould and showed the whole world what we both can bring
But a pin that's soaked in ink
And poked in skin can only sting
Like broken bones, broken oaths or broken wings
So just

Cary me
And I'll lead you
Shelter me
And I'll feed you
Hear me
And I'll see you through
Together we do
Whatever we need to do

I still remember the day that I met you
To begin with I didn't quite get you
And I bet you didn't get me
When I leaned in with an attempt to pet you
But with you I'm not scared to share the real me
Just knowing you care can heal me
I swear fearly
Can you feel me?
I'll be your sword if you shield me
Might never get a chance to say goodbye
When it's to late, you're gone
We two may be separated
But it's you that made me one
When I'm away, please stay strong
Remember what it takes to break these bonds
Place oceans and seas between us
They'll seem like lakes and ponds
I care about your whereabouts
I'm bare without you
Share yourself with me
Feel free to dare to doubt
I swear I'm there to help
My prayers go out to thee
You're tearing down the scary towers
Bearing down
And staring out
And glaring down at me
There's no bound to what we're amounting to
To what you and a pal can do
Insurmountable mountains
Become minuscule mounds
When we meld as two
I keep the principles you held us to
And they help us through
Still here when I'm out of view
That chill you felt, I felt it too
That chill you felt, I felt it too
So

Carry me
And I'll lead you
Shelter me
And I'll feed you
Hear me
And I'll see you through
Together we do
Whatever we need to do
(Together we do, whatever we need to do)

 

[fox69]

"The Last Of Us"

"The Last Of Us"


The fungus' hunger
Has plundered and plummeted us
From the humdrum to the hunted
As the county crumbles to dust
The life of a surviver's living in quarantine
This isn't a holiday
This is military policy
There's a rift, as emboldened
We shift the balance of power
I'm just a citizen: Joel
Unwilling man of the hour
Cause all I want to do is end it
But my solitude depends
On whether I fulfill
An old promise to a friend
I've smuggled guns
I've smuggled diamonds and pearls
But I've never been entrusted
With the life of a girl
I must ride beside her to the Fireflies
Mind's in a whirl
They might as well reside
The other side of the world

[Hook:]
THE LAST OF US
It's a new definition
Of the term "urban jungle"
THE LAST OF US
Shit hasn't gone viral
It's gone fungal

Infected detected
Tote the pistol, load clips
These filthy clothes show
That it's a twisted road trip
I'm ragged and smelly
Might as well act like a scally
And smack a chap's scalp in
With a bat in an alley
How many's that we've capped then
Captain O'Malley
It'd take an honor student graduate
Of math for the tally
In the past me and Ellie
For having massacred many
Would have made a prime time
Newscast on the telly
You bastards are jelly
You're just going to have to get ready
For us to blast brain matter
On the map like confetti
I school undead with tools
Combust them up efficiently
Like fuel unleaded
Leave the fools unheaded
And if they're dumb enough
To come up wrangling with me
Then I leave cadavers mangled
As they dangle from a tree
And on a planet this unglamorously bleak
You should probably be thankful to be free

[Hook]

 

[fox69]

"The Mighty Quest For Epic Loot"

"The Mighty Quest For Epic Loot"


[Intro:]
It’s. The. Mightiest Quest, are you ready for the test?
Going face, to face with the best of the best
In the Mightiest Quest, are you ready for the test?
Based on your base, well I never would have guessed

[Verse 1:]
Look, I was never a chap
To simply select between defend and attack
So if anyone asks for trouble
I’m going to be doubly sending them back
The throne is mine
I’m ending any pretender to that
I’m sensing a lack of courage
Such that you won’t even reach the end of the track
I’ve been training at dawn
Every day to be ready for the Great Big Battle
Evading traps all day while I’m raiding castles
And I’m aiming at fools with such deviousness
That it’s even leaving mages baffled
Debasers, Crabs or gelatinous walls
I’m hacking them all
Jabbing and brawling, having a ball
And sending them packing their bags in the hall
If Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Then I probably hit him

[Hook:]
It’s the Mightiest Quest, are you ready for the test?
Going face, to face with the best of the best
In the Mightiest Quest, are you ready for the test?
Based on your base, well I never would have guessed

(Pay attention!)

[Verse 2:]
I’m raiding your mates, and taking everything that they bought
I fought them in their forts, blood sport’s the way it’s paid for
And I’m a great sport, wielding a greatsword
Treat your face like I’m walloping a baseball
I drop the Painhammer, like my surname
And I certainly know to make the most of my fame
Man, I treat merchandising opportunities as prudently
As a morbidly obese Beastman would treat the food he eats
I’m a greedy bugger
Me and my money, we need each other
I’m bringing enough bling
To sting the vision of Stevie Wonder
I’m applying oceans, of potions
Like lotion, ‘til I’m not even trying
I’m just going through the motions

[Hook:]
It’s the Mightiest Quest, are you ready for the test?
Going face, to face with the best of the best
In the Mightiest Quest, are you ready for the test?
Based on your base, well I never would have guessed

[Verse 3:]
The sight of my castle’s really something in the sky
Your is as useless as a Cyclops with something in its eye
And in particular, a chicken as vicious as this is ridiculous
I think an efficient and fitting prescription is if we could give them Barbiturates
I’m clad in heavy armour, you’re dressed like a belly dancer
Your smelly archers made me catch my breath, Kelly Clarkson
I lunge a lot at Hungerbots and snotty Snottinghams
And any funds they drop, well I’ll probably pocket them
I poke my sword at the Terroraptor Overlord
Quick, grab the stash, and throw ourselves overboard
It’s the only life I know, it’s how I do things
In Opulencia you get rich or die looting

[Hook x2:]
It’s the Mightiest Quest, are you ready for the test?
Going face, to face with the best of the best
In the Mightiest Quest, are you ready for the test?
Based on your base, well I never would have guessed

[Outro:]
It just keeps. Getting. Better!

 

[fox69]

"The Old Republic"

"The Old Republic"


Forget the Rancor, Daniel's in the lion's lair
I'm a starfighter, you're flying Ryanair
I visited BioWare, dined on their chinaware
With a pipe, a pair of slippers and reclinin' chair
I'm aware my rare dialect's more fluent
Than a protocol droid with a rhymin' flair
I'm gettin' quite a strain in my neck
'Cause I've got a bigger brain than a Twi'lek
Yep, I'm called Dan, I'm a Star Wars fan
Far more than you, I'm hardcore, man
From Korriban to Coruscant
Alderaan to Dromund Kaas
I drop the hottest raps
I am the top of the class
I'm a Jedi Knight, led by my skill
To kill whoever I like
I'm a murderer, you're a nerf herder, bruh
I got ya coffin, I don't mean tubercular
Ha!
I'm an Imperial Agent, you're merely a vagrant
Look, Jabba the Hutt's butt's nearly as fragrant
I can take a track about the Old Republic
And make it so banging it becomes a club hit
I'm a bounty hunter about to plunder
The Senate for 100,000 Credits
So no doubt you wonder just how I get it
Bumping louder than the sound of thunder

You're more annoying than a crowd of Gungans
A bloody Ewok could get you out your bunker
I'm a Sith Inquisitor
You're nothing but a Gullipud Prannock
I'm a Planetary Governor
And I'm a smuggler, you're ugly
Your balls haven't dropped, you must be a juggler
Rub-a-dub, three dugs in a tub
Two of them are being buggered
So you must be the buggerer
Space hustler, straight huffin'
And then puffin' and then blowin'
Your space station up
In a ball of flame, no ball and chain
'Cause I take no prisoners, I'm causin' pain
A devout Sith, straight out the mythology
Taking out colonies easy, you're helpless
I easily leave each of you outlived, yeah
You should have a bad feelin' about this

Dan Bull
I've got a massive collection
Of original Star Wars figutes
Many in the original packaging
I've got a Yak Face
I've got Yak Face
Type in 'Yak Face action figure' on eBay
That's how I roll

 

[fox69]

"The Order"

"The Order"


[Intro:]
Order. Order!
Let the right honourable gentleman speak
(Ahhhhh)

[Verse 1:]
These dark streets creep with Half-Breeds
We can't see through the smog; the deep fog falls
We can't breathe
We can't seem to keep the peace, appease the beast
Police the streets easily, you see
We have been seemingly waging a war
Ceaselessly since the days of yore and ages before
We came from the court of King Arthur
And we've been battling happily ever after
Knights in shining armor never died; a timeless martyr
We ride from by the harbour to the heart of night and farther
So hide inside your parlour
Unless you'd like to try to find whose knives are sharper
I will slice you like a barber
But the demons of Fleet Street aren't Sweeney Todd
Barbarically to Half-Breeds, he's a teeny dot
It's like likening the hijabi to a bikini top
I know, these asynchronous references should really stop

[Hook:]
The Order is heading for war
More important than ever before
The Order is heading for war
And I warn you, we'd better be Ready At Dawn

[Verse 2:]
So, in no particular order, let me introduce the Order
First of all, there's me, Sir Percival
The author of this verse I rip with vicious flow
And then there's Isabeau
What's that? No realistic women in gaming? Is it though?
She's wicked, bro, I haven't met a classier lassie yet
And I'll bet you'll laugh at the banter with Lafayette
Sir Galahad's a gallant lad, so glad I had him gallop
Had I not, the team would be approximately
Three quarters as bad as that
Together, we're battling infestation of perverted termites
And instead of bug killer, we've thermite
Turing the searchlight on them 'til we hit the turnpike
And despite the dark, the lights in our hearts will burn bright
Like a burning zeppelin, and by my reckoning
We've earned the right to eternal life in Heaven
So God better let us in
And by my reckoning
We've earned the right to eternal life in Heaven
So God better let us in

[Hook]

[Outro:]
Order
O-o-o-o-order
O-o-o-o-order
O-order

 

[fox69]

"The Quiet Viking"

"The Quiet Viking"


There's a delicate line between a friend
And something else
And I've never been quite sure
How to tell

Heard words that weren't there in your body language
As a buddy I thought I had an advantage
I knew you, you knew me
And I briefly believed in the power of magic
Seeing you smile was the ultimate pleasure
Fishing for compliments, I was hunting for treasure
Summoned to heaven, platonic love becoming untethered
The way you'd comfort me when under the weather
And how we'd cuddle together under your umbrella
You must think I'm such a dumb fellow
I'd have done better leaving it alone
Even if I'd known we were going to grow; be with different folks
I was going to plant a seed and let it grow free
Then an oak tree develops slowly
Now the leaves on my future family tree
Are fruits imaginary
And I'm so lonely
Oh, me...

There's a delicate line between a friend
And something else
And I've never been quite sure
How to tell

Tighten up your bowtie
'Cause guys in your position don't cry
Do not be be frightened - really you won't die
Your deeds and writings reveal you: both sides
Lighting up on the roadside
Driving over the strobe light

It's the rise of defiant Dan; I'm a quiet man
But still spent time inside in a riot van
Blindsided without the benefit of hindsight
My eyes were as wide as a frying pan
You might summise I'm devising a higher plan
Redesigning my life with an iron hand
It's now or never
I've got to pull myself together
Can't waste days staying in the house forever
Come out to the desert
Now there's a westerly breeze
Please, I need help with the zephyr
You could knock me down with a feather
But I'll still be grinning with the mouth of a Cheshire
My last album was a hell of an effort
Daniel wrote the manual on how to endeavour
And if ever there was a doubt that I'm clever
It's down to the fact that my talent's without measure
I've found treasure now my business is pleasure
I can infinitely tessellate my lyrics at leisure
And any way you spin it, it just gets fresher
An intricately illustrating MC... Escher

The quiet viking is how I'm known, I
I'm strident in style, although shy
And I don't even know why
So I'm either enlightened or I'm just so high
I can see the lighting upon the roadside
Driving over the strobe light

The quiet viking
The quiet viking

 

[fox69]

"The Sims Rap"

"The Sims Rap"


Uh! Woy woy son
Mik mak, mik mak
Uh, mik mak, mik mak

Brow
Bloobanooby, noobo, bloogagoo!
Gunafrash a le canta gemu
Berlin de la makoy, courtsey ca loo
Zawoka, ganava, ooshavoo
Gurb wufen, bridge, gurb wufen
Gurb wufen, bridge, gurb wufen
Gurb wufen, bridge, gurb wufen
Gurb wufen, bridge, gurb wufen

Uh, mik mak, mik mak

Blow
Haveasole labagow fenafullyshed
Ratash, bena deba doo, dawkow ra nesh
Uh, sherb sherba, dwun, sherb sherba, dwun, sherb sherb
Duntina aye bon, oocla na tesh
Boom boom, wibby wof, Ravasheen bridge
Froow, flenny flenny la low
Maka mak mik, mightchu know
Dag, dag, bridge, dag dag
Dag, dag, bridge, dag dag
Dag, dag, bridge, dag dag
Dag, dag, bridge, nawto

Duky nuble, haha
Dwan!

 

[fox69]

"The Staircase"

"The Staircase"


I used to be trapped in the elevator
Waiting for fate to favour me
Then I realised that in real life
Nothing would be handed on a plate to me
Before I deserved dessert
I'd have to taste the savoury
Each and every flavour
Even when it'd make me heave
Remember to say your Ps and Qs
Please may I leave the table reasonably soon?
I'd stay for tea
But I've got faces to see, places to be
Basically I'm dedicated to chasing the dream
I've been making believe for so long
I was unable to see me go wrong

[Hook:]
Step up
Step back
Step off
Step to it
[x2]

I used to be trapped in the elevator
Doors slammed together in my face
But I grabbed them and seperated them
'til my hands had gone red and aching
Then I made plans to elevate manually
Hand me a pen and paper
Now allow me to demonstrate
That even my acapella could make
The whole track collapse like there was a quake
I'm faster than any race car
They tagged me the devastor
It's a fact that I'll never give way
Til I'm dead or at number ten
Replacing David Cameron, Clegg
And named the greatest rapper to ever pave the way
Cos I made this staircase

[Hook]

Step 1:
Learn your lessons and take criticism
It'll enable you to make it bigger
Step 2:
Keep it real, stay true to you
You don't need to be anyone else
Because you are you
Step 3:
Enjoy every syllable you deliver
Whether it's ignorant or lyrical
Whether it's simplistic or difficult
Step 4:
Always remember that everything you do is yours
And that should be the reason you do music for

[Hook]