Weird Al Yankovic

[fox69]

"Don't Wear Those Shoes"

"Don't Wear Those Shoes"



I don't care
If you wreck my car or shave off all my hair
You can go
And run your vacuum during my favorite show
And I'll let you call up folks in Europe you don't even know
Anything you want, babe, if it makes you happy

But I'm begging you down on my bended knees
Oh, honey, please don't wear those shoes
You can spend my money, you can waste my time
Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those shoes
Don't wear those shoes

It's alright
You can play your Twisted Sister every night
I suppose
You can lick the middle out of my oreos
Or start laughing while you're drinking milk so it comes out your nose
And you know I'd do anything to please you

But I'm begging you down on my bended knees
Oh, honey, please don't wear those shoes.
You can spit in my face in you're so inclined
Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those shoes

Oh, no...oh,no...oh, no, don't wear those shoes
I said oh, no...oh, no...oh, no, please don't wear those...

Use my razor to shave your legs
And eat crackers in bed
Stomp the poodle 'til it's flat
You can even shove a six-inch railroad spike through my head
I can learn to live with that

But now I'm begging you down on my bended knees
Oh, honey, please, don't wear those shoes
You can whip me, beat me, rob me blind
Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those...

I said oh, no...oh, no...oh, no, don't wear those shoes
I said oh, no...oh, no...oh, no, don't wear those shoes

You can scratch up my records, you can drink my booze
But baby, please don't wear those shoes
You can make me an offer I can't refuse
But darling, please don't wear those shoes
You can play your bongos while I'm trying to snooze
But honey, please don't wear those shoes
You can expose yourself on the six o' clock news
But please, please don't wear those shoes

 

[fox69]

"Dr. Demento Radio Promo"

"Dr. Demento Radio Promo"



Hi
This is "Weird Al" Yankovic and you're listening to the Dr. Demento show

 

[fox69]

"Dr. Demento's 15th Anniversary Special"

"Dr. Demento's 15th Anniversary Special"



In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry tree
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only Dr. Demento

Nixon, Ford, and Carter, Reagan too
Remember all they did and didn't do
Through it all, one consistency
Spending once a week with Dr. D

So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Changes come, seasons pass
Like Alice through the looking glass
He shares a world of madness that we cheer
For fifteen roly poly years.

So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Don't forget to stay demented

Everybody sing
He has a very friendly, fuzzy face
And nobody could ever take his place
His fans around the globe will never dwindle
'Cause he fits so many records on his spindle

Stacks of laughing wax from floor to ceiling
Well, it gives him such a warm internal feeling
Whether you're Italian or Egyptian
He's bound to fill your musical prescription

Wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry trees
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only Dr. Demento

Yeah

 

[fox69]

"Eat It"

"Eat It"



How come you're always such a fussy young man
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate
So eat it

Don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, ooh

Your table manners are some cryin' shame
You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it

You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it

I don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more spam
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it, you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it (oh lord)
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it (oh no)
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

 

[fox69]

"eBay"

"eBay"



Yeah
A used ... pink bathrobe
A rare ... mint snowglobe
A Smurf ... TV tray
I bought on eBay

My house ... is filled with this crap
Shows up in bubble wrap
Most every day
What I bought on eBay

Tell me why (I need another pet rock)
Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock)
Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee)
They had it on eBay

I'll buy ... your knick-knack
Just check ... my feedback
"A++!" they all say
They love me on eBay

Gonna buy (a slightly-damaged golf bag)
Gonna buy (some Beanie Babies, new with tag)
(From some guy) I've never met in Norway
Found him on eBay

I am the type who is liable to snipe you
With two seconds left to go, whoa
Got Paypal or Visa, what ever'll please ya
As long as I've got the dough

I'll buy ... your tchotchkes
Sell me ... your watch, please
I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy ...)
I'm highest bidder now

(Junk keeps arriving in the mail)
(From that worldwide garage sale) (Dukes Of Hazard ashtray)
(Hey! A Dukes Of Hazard ashtray)
Oh yeah ... (I bought it on eBay)

Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunchbox)
Wanna buy (a case of vintage tube socks)
Wanna buy (a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre, Dr. Dre)
(Found it on eBay)

Wanna buy (that Farrah Fawcet poster)
(Pez dispensers and a toaster)
(Don't know why ... the kind of stuff you'd throw away)
(I'll buy on eBay)

What I bought on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y

 

[fox69]

"Everything You Know Is Wrong"

"Everything You Know Is Wrong"



I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes

I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?"
"Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?"
"Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
I probably would have kept on guessing
But about that time we crashed into the truck

And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr

They sucked out my internal organs
And they took some polaroids
And said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go

And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the floating disembodied head of
Colonel Sanders started yelling

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
When I got a nasty papercut
And, well, to make a long story short
It got infected and I died

So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter
By the pearly gates
And it's obvious he doesn't like
The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code

Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
For all eternity
And every day he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore
Because the simple fact remains that

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
Everything you know is wrong

 

[fox69]

"Fast Food"

"Fast Food"



How about making a run for the border
How about me deserving a break today
How about getting some fries with my order
How about finally letting me have it my way

Thank you Burger King
Thank you Dairy Queen
Thank you, thank you KFC

Thank you Pizza Hut
Thank you Taco Bell
Thank you so much Wendy's

 

[fox69]

"Fat"

"Fat"



Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you
The word is out, better treat me right
'Cause I'm the king of cellulite
Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

Well, I've never used a phone booth
And I've never seen my toes
When I'm goin' to the movies
I take up seven rows

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Don't you call me pudgy, portly or stout
Just now tell me once again who's fat

When I walk out to get my mail
It measures on the Richter scale
Down at the beach I'm a lucky man
I'm the only one who gets a tan
If I have one more pie a la mode
I'm gonna need my own zip code

When you're only having seconds
I'm having twenty-thirds
When I go to get my shoes shined
I gotta take their word

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds
Lemme tell you once again who's fat

If you see me comin' your way
Better give me plenty space
If I tell you that I'm hungry
Then won't you feed my face

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house
I really sit around the house

You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know, you know, you know, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd
Lemme tell you once again

You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, you know, hoo
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud
Just tell me once again who's fat

 

[fox69]

"Fatter"

"Fatter"



Fatter, fatter
Shake 'n Bake, fatter
Shake 'n Bake, fatter
Fatter

Corndogs, pizza, Coca Cola
Yogurt, butterscotch, granola
Look at me, I'm fatter
I'm fatter, I'm fatter

Friends all gather 'round me
My enemies surround me
Yelling "Fatso, fatso, fatso"
I've eaten at every single greasy spoon on Seventh Avenue
That's right, I'm fatter

Don't you know my weight is going up, up, up, up, up
I tell you, this turkey sure is tough
Tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough

They got pizza on the west side
French fries up town
Corn dogs deep fried in batter
I'm fatter

Go ahead, bite the big apple
Don't mind the calories
Pile it on my platter
I'm fatter

Pile it up, pile it high up

 

[fox69]

"First World Problems"

"First World Problems"


[Verse 1:]
My maid is cleaning my bathroom, so I can't take a shower
When I do, the water starts getting cold after an hour
I couldn't order off the breakfast menu, cause I slept in till two
Then I filled up on bread, didn't leave any room for tiramisu
Oh no, there's a pixel out in the corner of my laptop screen
I don't have any bills in my wallet small enough for the vending machine
Some idiot just called me up on the phone, what!? Don't they know how to text? OMG!
I got

[Chorus:]
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems
(First world problems)
First world, first world problems

[Verse 2:]
I bought too many groceries for my refrigerator
Forgot my gardener's name, I'll have to ask him later
Tried to fast forward commercials, can't - I'm watching live T.V
I'm pretty sure the cookies in this airport lounge ain't gluten free
My barista didn't even bother to make a design in the foam on the top of my vanilla latte

[Chorus]

[Verse 3:]
Can't remember which car I drove to the mall
My Sonicare won't recharge, now I gotta brush my teeth like a neanderathal
The thread count on these cotton sheets has got me itching
My house is so big, I can't get WiFi in the kitchen
Uh, I had to buy something I didn't even need just
so I could qualify for free shipping on Amazon

[Chorus x2]

[Outro]
(Laughing)