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Weird Al Yankovic

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"White & Nerdy"

"White & Nerdy"



They see me mowin'
My front lawn
I know they're all thinking
I'm so White N' nerdy

Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!
I wanna roll with-
The gangsters
But so far they all think
I'm too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
I'm just too white n' nerdy
Really, really white n' nerdy

First in my class here at M.I.T.
Got skills, I'm a Champion of D&D
MC Escher that's my favorite MC
Keep your 40
I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin to the contrary
You'll find that they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Stephen Hawking's in my library
My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
Got people begging for my top 8 spaces
Yo I know Pi to a thousand places
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a whiz at minesweeper I can play for days
Once you see my sweet moves you're gonna stay amazed,
my fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze
There's no killer app I haven't run
At Pascal, well, I'm number 1
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat but I got a soldering gun
"Happy Days" is my favourite theme song
I can sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon
Here's the part I sing on

They see me roll on, my Segway!
I know in my heart they think I'm
white n' nerdy!
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy
I'd like to roll with-
The gangsters
Although it's apparent I'm too
White n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
I'm just too white n' nerdy
How'd I get so white n' nerdy?

I've been browsing, inspectin'
X-men comics you know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket
I must protect 'em
my ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shopping online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized "Holy Grail" really well
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL
I got a business doing web sites
When my friends need some code who do they call?
I do HTML for them all
Even made a homepage for my dog!
Yo! Got myself a fanny pack
they were having a sale down at the GAP
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
POP POP! Hope no one sees me gettin' freaky!

I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour cream
I was in AV club and Glee club and even the chess team!
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?
Spend every weekend
at the renaissance fair
Got my name on my underwear!

They see me strollin'
They laughin'
And rollin' their eyes 'cause
I'm so white n' nerdy
Just because I'm white n' nerdy
Just because I'm white n' nerdy
All because I'm white n' nerdy
Holy cow I'm white n' nerdy
I wanna bowl with-
the gangsters
but oh well it's obvious I'm
white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
I'm just too white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!
 
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"Why Does This Always Happen To Me?"

"Why Does This Always Happen To Me?"



I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report
About dsome devistating earthquake in Peru
There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried alive
On the Richter scale it measured 8.2

And I said, "God, please answer me one question?"
"Why'd they have to interrupt 'The Simpsons' just for this?"
What a drag, 'cause I was taping it and everything
And now I'll have to wait for the rerun to see the part of the show I missed

Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
(Why) Why does this always happen to me?

Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba

I was driving down the highway when all the traffic slowed to a crawl
There was a twelve-car pile-up, everybody dead
And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere
As well as my friend Robert's disembodied head

And I thought - Poor Rob, I just had lunch with him
Hey, wait a minute, he still owes me money - what a jerk
Well, there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again
Plus now, on top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be late to work

Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
(Why) Why does this always happen to me?

Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba

Oh, the other day, my boss said we were running low on toner
And he told me I should buy another case
Well, I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking
So, I turned around and stabbed him in the face (right in the face)

Oh, and wouldn't you know it, my knife got stuck
I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then
But I'm afraid I may have bent the tip a little
And I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again (quite as sharp again)
Oh, tell me

Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?

Why does this always happen to me?
(Why does this always happen to me?)
Why does this always happen to me?
(Why does this always happen to me?)

Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba

Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba
 
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"Won't Eat Prunes Again"

"Won't Eat Prunes Again"



It was just the other day
When we went to Joe's Cafe
Just to order up a couple steaks to eat

But we noticed something wrong
All the Worcestershire was gone
But the waitress brought a different kind of treat

She said this sauce was the chef's new creation
Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation
But she warned us it's made out of prunes
"Try a little if you dare"
"Nothing can compare"
So we had some and now we swear
We won't eat prunes again

That was such a dirty trick
Boy, it really made us sick
Well it looks like we've been done in by the prune

Still the memory lingers on
I been livin' in the john
'Cause I've had the runs since Monday afternoon

I'd sell my soul for some new constipation
Need a cure for this new aggravation
Diarrhea has taken its toll
Still got the runs today
Just like yesterday
Buddy, that's why I'm hear to say
We won't eat prunes again

Won't eat prunes again
No no

Yeah

Eat the new sauce
Same as the old sauce
 
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"Word Crimes"

"Word Crimes"


[Intro:]
Everybody shut up, WOO!
Everyone listen up!
Hey, hey, hey, uh
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

[Verse 1:]
If you can't write in the proper way
If you don't know how to conjugate
Maybe you flunked that class
And maybe now you find
That people mock you online

[Bridge:]
Okay, now here's the deal
I'll try to educate ya
Gonna familiarize
You with the nomenclature
You'll learn the definitions
Of nouns and prepositions
Literacy's your mission
And that's why I think it's a

[Chorus:]
Good time
To learn some grammar
Now, did I stammer
Work on that grammar
You should know when
It's "less" or it's "fewer"
Like people who were
Never raised in a sewer

I hate these word crimes
Like I could care less
That means you do care
At least a little
Don't be a moron
You'd better slow down
And use the right pronoun
Show the world you're no clown
Everybody wise up!

[Verse 2:]
Say you got an "I","T"
Followed by apostrophe, "s"
Now what does that mean?
You would not use "it's" in this case
As a possessive
It's a contraction
What's a contraction?
Well, it's the shortening of a word, or a group of words
By the omission of a sound or letter

[Bridge:]
Okay, now here's some notes
Syntax you're always mangling
No "x" in "espresso"
Your participle's danglin'
But I don't want your drama
If you really wanna
Leave out that Oxford comma
Just keep in mind

[Chorus:]
That "be", "see", "are", "you"
Are words, not letters
Get it together
Use your spellchecker
You should never
Write words using numbers
Unless you're seven
Or your name is Prince

I hate these word crimes
You really need a
Full time proofreader
You dumb mouth-breather
Well, you should hire
Some cunning linguist
To help you distinguish
What is proper English

[Verse 3:]
One thing I ask of you
Time to learn your homophones is past due
Learn to diagram a sentence too
Always say "to whom"
Don't ever say "to who"
And listen up when I tell you this
I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis
You finished second grade
I hope you can tell
If you're doing good or doing well
About better figure out the difference
Irony is not coincidence
And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull
What's figurative and what's literal
Oh but, just now, you said
You literally couldn't get out of bed
That really makes me want to literally
Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head

[Chorus:]
I read your e-mail
It's quite apparent
Your grammar's errant
You're incoherent
Saw your blog post
It's really fantastic
That was sarcastic (Oh, psych!)
'Cause you write like a spastic

I hate these Word Crimes
Your prose is dopey
Think you should only
Write in emoji
Oh, you're a lost cause
Go back to pre-school
Get out of the gene pool
Try your best to not drool

[Outro:]
Never mind I give up
Really now I give up
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Go Away!
 
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"Yoda"

"Yoda"



I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S O D A, soda

I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda"
Y O D A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I left home just a week before
And I've never ever been a Jedi before
But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course
He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force"

Well I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben
So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

So I used the Force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
Well, I won't forget what Yoda said

He said, "Luke, stay away from the darker side
And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed
But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda I guess
But I know that I'll be coming back some day
I'll be playing this part 'till I'm old and gray

The long-term contract I had to sign
Says I'll be making these movies till the end of time
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
 
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"Yoda Chant"

"Yoda Chant"


da din din da
da din din da
na tin tin na
da din din da

da din din da
da din din da
na tin tin na
da din din da

dit dit da
terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
teeta guddygayna da
terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
teeta guddygayna da
terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
teeta guddygayna

da din din da
da din din da
na tin tin na
da din din da

boom shakalakalaka
boom shakalakalaka
nyaaaaaaaaaa-ahh boom

Homina
Homina
Homina homina homina

ba ba oom mow mow
ba ba oom mow ma mow
ba ba oom mow mow
ba ba oom mow ma mow

Mmmmmmmmmm doggie [turn neck to left, make cracking sound]

Heh he heh
La la la, nice lady

cutta cutta cutta cutta
cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
naw nay daw
cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
naw nay daw
cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
naw nay

da da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta
da da cuddagudda dit
naw cuh-ta da
 
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"You Don't Love Me Anymore"

"You Don't Love Me Anymore"


We've been together for so very long
But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?
Seems you don't want me around
The passion is gone and the flame's died down

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think I was nice
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist

Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes in my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down that elevator shaft

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

[approximately 10 minutes and 2 seconds of silence]

[some loud and spontaneous noises]
 
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"You Don't Take Your Showers"

"You Don't Take Your Showers"



You don't take your showers
You don't use Ban Roll On
Please don't come near me anymore
I'll throw up on the floor because you make me ill

I remember when

You used to smell half-decent
That hasn't been too recent
Now your repulsing all the people you know
You perspire freely, your dandruff's like snow
And you're drawing flies everywhere that you go

'Cuz you don't take your showers anymore

I had to buy some Airwick
You even made my dog sick
You can't come over anymore 'cuz your hygiene is poor
And besides, you're a slob

You create a nuisance
When you're out in public
When you walk up to people in your smelly old clothes
And they just run from you, holding their nose
And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'Cuz you don't take your showers anymore

And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'Cuz you don't change your undies
And you don't use Ban Roll On
And you don't take your showers anymore
 
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"You Make Me"

"You Make Me"



You make me wanna slam my head against the wall
You make me do the limbo
You make me wanna buy a slurpee at the mall
You make me watch the Gong Show
There's really something kinda strange about you, baby, but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

You make me wanna hide a weasel in my shorts
You make me wanna phone home
You make me wanna write a dozen book reports
Then pack myself in styrofoam
Sometimes you make me want to build a model of the Eiffel Tower out of Belgian waffles

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

You make me wanna hang out in a trailer park
Then take my hamster to the beach
You make me wanna do my laundry in the dark
And use a recommended bleach
When I'm with you I don't know whether I should study neurosurgery or go to see the Care Bears movie

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

That's what you do to me
That's what you do to me
That's what you do to me
You make me wanna break the laws of time and space
You make me wanna eat pork
You make me wanna staple bagels to my face
Then remove 'em with a pitchfork
You know there's something quite unusual about you but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do-do-do-do-do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do to me
 
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"You're Pitiful"

"You're Pitiful"


My life is brilliant...

What, was I too early? Oh, sorry.
Should I...Do you wanna start over? Or, keep going?
Okay, now? Now?

My life is brilliant
Your life's a joke
You're just pathetic
You're always broke

Your homemade Star Trek uniform
really ain't impressin' me
You're sufferin' from delusions of
Adequicy

You're Pitiful [X3]
It's true

Never had a date
That ya couldn't inflate
And ya smell repulsive too
What a bummer bein' you

Well ya just can't dance
And forget romance
Everybody you know still calls ya
Farty Pants
...
But you always have a job well I mean

As long as you still can work that slurpie machine

You're Pitiful [X3]
It's true

You're half undressed
Eatin' chips of your chest
While you're playin' Halo 2
No one's classier than you

Lalala la
Lalala la
Lalala la Loser

You're Pitiful [X3]
It's true

Your dog would much rather
Play fetch by itself

You still live with your Mom and you're 42

Guess you'll never grow a clue
When it just sucks to be you
 
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