Učlanjen(a)
24.04.2014
Poruka
9.890
"The Hypnotist"

"The Hypnotist"
[typing sounds]
[Dr. Stewart:] Hi, [I'm] Dr. Stewart.
[Gary Phelps:] Hi, Dr. Stewart. Nice to meet you -- I'm Gary Phelps.
[Dr. Stewart:] My pleasure. Gary, have you ever been hypnotized before?
[Gary Phelps:] No, I haven't. I'm actually quite nervous, but I just, uh, I --
[Dr. Stewart:] All right, and you were referred to me by anyone...?
[Gary Phelps:] To be honest with you,
I saw your name in the Yellow Pages,
and It said you're good at this stuff, so I just,
I gotta give it a shot, just kick this whole cigarette thing...
[Dr. Stewart:] So smoking is your problem?
[Gary Phelps:] Yeah, I can't stop smoking and it's --
it's finally, like, affecting everything I do,
I can't run, I can't play basketball and all that stuff like that, so I,
I gotta give it up.
[Dr. Stewart:] How long have you smoked, Gary?
[Gary Phelps:] Uh, I started when I was eleven years old, and I just can't kick it, you know?

[Dr. Stewart:] Yeah, right. [small, barely noticeable fart]
All right, Gary, why don't you just have a seat here and sit down and just relax --
what I do is hypnosis.
[Gary Phelps:] Right.
[Dr. Stewart:] Basically I just want you to sit back and relax --
let yourself sit back and relax and sink into the chair, and ,
um, just feel comfortable and trust me.

[bigger fart]
[Gary Phelps: noticing fart sound] Uh...
[Dr. Stewart:] That's it.
[Gary Phelps:] O-kay....
[Dr. Stewart:] That's it.
[Gary Phelps:] That was...o-kay...
[Dr. Stewart:] All right? Okay. Gary, I want you to close your eyes,
and I just want you to again relax and try to concentrate on nothing.
Okay? That's it. Now I'm gonna count backwards from five to zero --
[Gary Phelps:] Right.
[Dr. Stewart:] -- and I just want you to relax, and you're going to fall into a deep state of mind --
of subconsciousness -- you're very comfortable,
I'll be counting back from five, I just want you to relax,
and just think of nothing.
[three farts in succession]
[Gary Phelps:] Are you gonna keep doing that, or...?
[Dr. Stewart:] Hmm? Just concentrate now. That's it.
Close your eyes. Keep your eyes closed. Okay. Now.
We're very comfortable.
Five [small fart], we're thinking of nothing except being comfortable
and nothing's bothering us. Okay.
When I say the word "relax," listen to me, you're sinking, you're sinking, [medium fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Oh my god...that was, uh....are you gonna keep doing that?
[Dr. Stewart:] Please just try to relax; that wasn't me. Okay.
You're very stressed -- you're very stressed.
Okay, four, we're relaxing, we're relaxing, you're very comfortable,
you're very, very soothed. Okay. Four, three...[fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Oh my dear god, sir...uh, I can't...
[Dr. Stewart:] That was the couch. I know it sounded like -- it's --
the vinyl -- it's a new couch -- please, just try and concentrate.
Okay. And we're very sleepy, we're relaxed, thinking nothing bothers us,
nothing bothers us -- [several farts]
[Gary Phelps:] Uh, um, all right, could you open a window, maybe?
I'm just having a tough time concentrating --
[Dr. Stewart:] Hmm? Here we go -- there, there, we're relaxing, we're relaxing
[fart and cough together] three, two, two --
[Gary Phelps:] I was just going to ask you if you could maybe stop doing that.
I can't concentrate when you're doing that.
[Dr. Stewart:] This is what I do. It's a counting-down thing.
We're relaxing now. Just relax -- let it go,
don't focus on anything else, just concentrate on what we're doing here.
Three, two, relax, relax, that's it, just relax [fart], we're relaxing now --
[Gary Phelps:] Okay -- you're gonna -- that one was --
it's getting a little irritating --
[Dr. Stewart:] Hang on just a second here.
Let me just step out a second here.
[Gary Phelps:] That'd be good.
[Dr. Stewart:] All right, and we're relaxing,
as I leave, we're relaxing, still relaxing,
[fart in the distance]
[Gary Phelps:] Jesus...Oh my God.
[Dr. Stewart:] We're relaxing.
[Gary Phelps: trying hard not to laugh]
[Dr. Stewart:] Okay, I'm back, we're relaxing, and we're counting down,
we're to two, and all we're thinking about is healthy, fresh air.
Freshness. Breathing in. Breathing in deep, letting out. [fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Sir, I'd appreciate if you could stop 'letting it out'.
But okay, okay, fine, thank you.
[Dr. Stewart:] That's it, you're all right, everything's good.
All right, you feel very comfortable, you're sinking into the chair,
we're relaxing, one [long fart], and we're coming down to zero and --
[Gary Phelps:] Oh my god, uh...yes, all right, it was nothing...
[Dr. Stewart:] No, no, that time that was you.
[Gary Phelps:] That wasn't me!

[Dr. Stewart: We're not here to pick sides, we're not here to pick sides, that was you, and maybe we could deal with this in another session, but right now we're dealing with the smoking, and, um, let's not worry about anything else that's going down --
[Gary Phelps: OK, I've just gotta kick this habit.
[Dr. Stewart: Down to zero, relaxing, we're going to feel very fresh [fart], we're going to feel very healthy [fart], and let's take a nice, deep breath --
[Gary Phelps: I can't breathe, sir, uh, I'm sorry, I just -- ["squirty" fart]
[Gary Phelps: Oh my god -- what did you eat? It smells like baby food --

[Dr. Stewart:] All right, we're relaxing --
that one probably squirted out a little into the pants,
but we'll just continue with thte floating [fart] --
yeah, that was definitely a squirt --
but here we go, one, zero, we are under.
Are you relaxed?
[Gary Phelps:] Yeah, I'm under, I guess.
[Dr. Stewart:] Here we go, relaxing, relaxing.
You're under a deep trance, you will not smoke anymore,
you will just feel healthy from now on, and you'll be breathing in nothing
but fresh air, and you will not smell anything in this room, it wasn't me,
it wasn't me farting [fart] -- that was not me --
[Gary Phelps: hysterically laughing under his breath]
You're gonna have to stop doing that, sir. It's just very hard for me to listen to you when you're --
[Dr. Stewart:] You're floating now, you're high above, you're looking down,
nothing but fresh pastures and fields, and here we go [long fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Oh man...
[Dr. Stewart:] -- that was you,
[Gary Phelps:] That was not me, sir! I'm watching you!
[Dr. Stewart:] That was you, and when you wake up, you will not remember any of this, except that it was you, or my receptionist, don't worry, she gets it all the time. All right -- you smell nothing; I'm perfectly clean. I have no bad gas; it was all from outside or from -- from -- you yourself. And let's not forget the smoking thing that's why you're here. No smoking. Repeat after me: I am a smelly pig.
[Gary Phelps:] What?
[Dr. Stewart:] All right, we're moving along, and we;'re relaxed. [fart]
All right, and now we're going to count back up, up one to five,
[Gary Phelps:] OK, you know, I think this is fine, I don't want to smoke...
[Dr. Stewart:] Gary, settle down, relax, and when I get to five,
you will snap out of this, and you won't remember this,
especially the smell, the smell was from you.
All right? And here we go.
Zero, we're coming out of it, you're waking up slowly, your eyes are opening,
one, you're feeling good, and when you wake up,
you'll feel wide awake and perfect you'll feel whole and [fart] all-righty,
I ripped that one out there and I apologize.
I ripped a good one there. That was a nice out..
[Gary Phelps:] That was not nice.
[Dr. Stewart:] Here we go, and, we're coming right [fart]
[Gary Phelps:] What was that?
[Dr. Stewart:] That was three.
[Gary Phelps:] It didn't sound like three.
[Dr. Stewart:] three, I'm counting, and four, it's no smell in here, and you don't smoke, you don't want a cigarette, no, and here we go [fart] five, and -- [snap] Do you want a cigarette?
[Gary Phelps:] No I don't.
[Dr. Stewart:] Then my job is done.
[Gary Phelps: bursts into laughter]
[Dr. Stewart: fart] Please leave the door open as you leave. [fart]
[Gary Phelps:] OK, thank you, Doctor.

[typing resumes and another fart is heard]
 
Učlanjen(a)
24.04.2014
Poruka
9.890
"Steve Polychronopolous"

"Steve Polychronopolous"

- "Polychronopolous"

I'm a big fuckin' dick
I'm a pain in your ass
I drink all your beer
I'll eat the last slice
I'll give you charley horses
I'll pull your shorts down at the beach
I always need a ride
Nobody likes me

My name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

I spit when I talk
I swear in front of your mother
I throw shit at the movies
I wear tight pants
I ask you to buy an extra Yankee ticket
And then I don't show
I tell you I saw your girlfriend
Fucking two guys at a party

'Cause my name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

I'll piss on your toilet seat and tell your dad you got stoned
I'll borrow your jacket and never think of returning it

Polychronopolous
Pansy
Pussy
Shit for brains
Douchebag

I'll leave your gate open
So your dog runs away
I'll make fun of your pimple
Then I'll grab your sister's ass

'Cause my name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

And I don't care
And I don't give a shit

I'll break your brother's stereo
And then tell him it was you
You think you're better than me
Well you're fucking wrong

Everybody knows I'm Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

Deal with it
 
Učlanjen(a)
24.04.2014
Poruka
9.890
"The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview"

"The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview"
[Adam Sandler:]
And now the excited Southerner has a job interview.

[Man:]
So why don't you tell me why you would be an asset to this company.

[Excite Southerner:]
...Good question, I have a good answer for that...first first first of all I am
a very...very hard work...vocational skills...I went to...willing to work on a
holidays...I had a tango and mirumba lessons...learning to get along with other
people...but I'm sorry I got my G.E.D....with a overtime...time and a
half...speakin in two languages...Spanish and a...a..another one....and I and
and...loyal like a dog...tell you that much...willin to start at the
bottom...and also willing...to stay there...your intestines...completely
flawless...drug-free with a...whoo-wee..good references...if you call my last
boss...he was..actually he was gonna inform me...with a...I got no dependence
with the W-2 form...and I was wondering..

[Man:]
You know what? That's great but uh we don't have anything open right now.
Thanks for comin' down.

[Excited Southerner:]
Cool.

[Man:]
Are you alright?
 
Učlanjen(a)
24.04.2014
Poruka
9.890
"Do It For Your Mama"

"Do It For Your Mama"
[J.N.:] "I can make a bigger splash than you!"
[Jimmy:] "Oh yeah, give it a shot."

[While jumping up and down on diving board]
[J.N.:] "Can opener!"
[Big splash]
[Jimmy:] "Man, that one was huge."
[J.N.:] "You go."

[While running towards pool]
[Jimmy:] "Ahhhh, jacknife!"

[Jumps in and small splash]
[Tracy:] "That was a dud, Jimmy."
[Jimmy:] "Shutup, Tracy."
[Tracy:] "You shutup."

[Door opens, walks over]
[Momma:] "Lunch time kids."

[Kids yelling happily]
[Momma:] "I made some jelly sandwiches and sliced up some cantelope.
I figured you could eat a little food and and then maybe play with yer cock and balls fer a while."
[J.N.:] "I'm just gonna eat, mom."
[Momma:] "All right. And then maybe a little later, you can play with yer cock and balls fer momma."
[J.N.:] "I don't think so."
[Momma:] "Ok. Slow down Jimmy, yer already halfway done with yer sandwhich.
You're gonna get a belly ache."
[Jimmy:] "No I'm not. I'm hungry."
[Momma:] "I know, but you shouldn't so fast.
You're rushing honey, you're gonna choke. Put down your sandwhich and beat off your cock and balls for a little bit. Pace yourself."
[Jimmy:] "Oh god."

[Momma:] "Tracy, do you want some fruit or a sandwhich?"
[Tracy:] "No mom, I'm trying to lose weight. Guy said I'm getting fat."
[Momma:] "What? You look beautiful honey. He's crazy."
[Tracy:] "Guy said last summer I looked better in a bathing suit, so I'm gonna try to lose like three or four pounds."
[Momma:] "Awww, sweetheart.
You've got so much to learn.
Guy doesn't want you to lose weight, baby.
It's just his way of telling you he wants you to smack around his cock and balls some more, honey.
He's got some balls and some cock. You gotta stroke his schlong or at least bite his nuts."
[Tracy:] "Mom!"
[Momma:] "You're scared, aren't ya honey.
You want momma to help you?
Momma will stroke Guy's penis for him.
No one has to know. I'll sneak in when it's dark."
[Tracy:] "No! Mom, please!"
[Momma:] "You don't know how to tug on the cock and balls?
You need momma to show you?
Get me a carrot, sweetheart.
Where are you going!?"

[J.N.:] "Mom, where's the suntan lotion?"
[Momma:] "It's under the chair baby.
You gonna lube up yer cock and balls and wack it for a little bit?"
[J.N.:] "Uhh, no. I'm just going to put some on my face so I don't get sunburnt."
[Momma:] "Smart thinking honey.
And while yer at it you can put some on your brother's ding dong and knock around his nuts for him."
[Jimmy:] "Mom!"
[Momma:] "What Jimmy. Why don't you let your brother wack your cock and nuts for a little bit.
You're not playing with them right now so why not let him. Share, baby!"
[Jimmy:] "You're weird mom! I'm going swimming!"
[Momma:] "Oh, you shouldn't swim for a half an hour. I read that."
[Jimmy:] "Why?"
[Momma:] "Because you just ate, honey.
And you'll get cramps.
Why don't you just lay on the side of the pool and jiggle your balls for momma."
[Jimmy:] "It's ok. I'll stay in the shallow end."
[Momma:] "Ok, baby. But don't hurt yourself with that big juicy hog of yours."

[Jimmy:] "Hey, J.N. Throw me that frisby."
[J.N.:] "Here! Whoops!"

[Sails over and falls to the ground]
[Jimmy:] "Nice throw. Right over the fence and into the Chasen's yard."
[Momma:] "Don't get all huffy puffy. I'll get it.
Momma will make everything all right.
J.N. you watch Jimmy and make sure he's safe in that water."
[J.N.:] "Ok, ma."
[Momma:] "And if you want you can beat your cock and balls. Hi Mr. Chasen!"
[Mr. Chasen: "Oh, hi Emily. How are you?"
[Momma:] "Oh, the boys threw the frisbee over the fence again.
And there it is under the bush."
[Mr. Chasen:] "I'll get it for you."
[Momma:] "Sorry. Thank you.
And while your under that bush, why don't you jack around your cock and balls for yourself.
You can stare at my jugs and play with that healthy wang of yours."
[Mr. Chasen:] "No, I'll just.. I'll just get your frisbee."
[Momma:] "All right baby."
[Mr. Chasen:] "Here you go."
[Momma:] "Thank you. Thanks. Thank Mr. Chasen, boys!"
[Boys:] "Thanks Mr. Chasen!"
[Mr. Chasen:] "You're welcome fellas."
[Momma:] "Have a good day.
Oh, and..and tell your son Tommy,
if he wants to come over later and play with his cock and balls with the kids he's always welcome.
I don't know what happened with him and the boys,
but they don't seem to be friendly anymore."
[Mr. Chasen:] "I'll do that Emily."
[Momma:] "All right. He's got a big one. You know that."

[Momma:] "Tracy! You're boyfriend Guy's car just pulled up."
[Tracy:] "Ok mom. Please don't embarass me!"
[Momma:] "Everything embarasses you at this age, but I'll do my best.
Don't worry."
[Guy:] "Is it ok to come in?"
[Tracy:] "Come on back here guy!"
[Momma:] "Oh!"
[Tracy:] "Thanks for coming over!"
[Momma:] "Nice to see you Guy."
[Guy:] "Hi Mrs. Tucker."
[Momma:] "Why don't you go for a swim with the others?"
[Guy:] "I didn't bring a bathing suit with me."
[Momma:] "Oh no! You don't need a bathing suit.
Just pull off your clothes and let your cock and balls feel the nice warm water."
[Guy:] "Uhhh, that's ok, Mrs. Tucker."
[Momma:] "Come on! Pull out your cock and balls.
The water's heated. You'll love it."
[Tracy:] "Mom! Stop it! Now!"
[Momma:] "What are you talking about, honey!?
This way his balls are out, you can stroke his ding dong in front of all of us.
Come on, pull out that hog of yours.
I wanna see it anyways.
I wanna know what my daughter's been stroking."
[Tracy:] "Mom! Stop it!"
[Momma:] "In fact, everybody, pull out your cock and balls and rub it for momma.
Play with yourself. It'll be good. Everyone. Wack away!"
[J.N.:] "You're sick mom! I'm leaving."
[Jimmy:] "I'm going to Billy's house. I can't take this anymore."

[Walking away]
[Guy:] "Come on, let's go."
[Tracy:] "You've humiliated me and Guy. We are so outta here."

[Momma:] "What did I do? What is the matter with you all?
Come back here!
You're ruining the day!
It's so beautiful out.
This is too much of a..."

[Picks up phone and starts dialing while car drives off]
"I can't take these kids anymore..."

[Phone rings and gets picked up]
[Grandma:] "Hello?"
[Momma:] "Momma, it's me, I'm very upset,"
[Grandma:] "Oh, what's the matter, baby?"
[Momma:] "The kids are yelling at me and they left me here all alone."
[Grandma:] "Did you tell them the kids to play with their cock and balls?"
[Momma:] "I told them to play with their cock and balls."
[Grandma:] "And what did they say?"
[Momma:] "They don't wanna play with them anymore."
[Grandma:] "Why don't they wanna play with them anymore?"
[Momma:] "I don't understand. They've got cock and balls. They should play with them."
[Grandma:] "Poppy always loves when I play with his cock and balls."
[Momma:] "You smack around daddy's cock still, why shouldn't they beat theirs?"
[Grandma:] "Tell them to come over to grandma's house. I'll play with their cock and balls."
[Momma:] "Oh momma."
 
Učlanjen(a)
24.04.2014
Poruka
9.890
"Crazy Love"

"Crazy Love"
[Adam:] You don't mind that I think everybody's a robot and all my conversations are being recorded
[Lisa:] And you don't mind that all of my pants are way too short on me
and I also stabbed someone with a pair of scissors a long time ago (ha-ha-ha)
[Adam:] And you don't care that I collect dead animals from the side
of the road then pretend they're alive and think I'm a famous football player
[Lisa:] And you don't have a problem with me
when I follow people I've never met before and force them to look
at the portrait of Neil Diamond I have tattooed on my back
[Adam:] It's very pretty, baby
[Both:]
Well you must have been sent from above
You're all that I can think of
You're just as psychotic as me
My crazy love
[Adam:] Well it never bothers you when I wear my snowsuit
to bed every night and I make you speak in tongues to me until I fall asleep
[Lisa:] Blah bloo blah bloo bloo
[Adam:] Thank you
[Lisa:] And you don't make fun of me 'cause I still make out
with my stepfather and I also tell everyone I was on a UFO
for two and a half years
[Adam:] I believe you sugarpie
[Both:]
'Cause our love is right on track
I'm yours, your mine it's a fact
Don't forget to take your Prozac
My crazy love
[Adam:] Well yesterday I tickled a man who wasn't even there
[Lisa:] Oh three days before that I ran down the street in my
Wonder Woman underwear
[Adam:] I didn't care Babe I know I never had a job 'cause I'm afraid
to talk to people 'cause I know that they're all robots who are seeking information
[Lisa:] They can't fool you sweetheart
And I know that you know that I'm the one who burned my cousin
Chester's house to the ground but you told the cops we were out
ballroom dancing when the came and questioned you
[Adam:] I ain't no fink, dollface
[Both:]
'Cause we know that it's true
Only I could love you
We both eat with our hands
My crazy love
[Lisa:] My crazy, crazy love
[spoken to end]
[Adam:] Oh I wish everybody was dead except for you, baby
[Lisa:] I feel the same way Would you throw some macaroni on me?
[Adam:] Oh yeah, here you go
[splurt]
 
Učlanjen(a)
24.04.2014
Poruka
9.890
"The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson"

"The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson"
[Adam Sandler:]
And now the excited Southerner gets to meet his favorite film actor, Mel Gibson.

[Man:]
Mr. Gibson? I'm sorry to bother you sir but this gentleman is a big fan and he
just wanted to say hello.

[Excited Southerner:]
Well I...I can't...believe...I'm in the...laser disc...Mr.Gibson...I...I
...I...such a...got to...I...Braveheart was...you...you're...got your
autograph...with a 8X10 gloss...your face was burnt though...Tina
Turner...singing a song to the...mama...mother...mother...loves you too...got
to...Bird On the Water...not such a good picture but...you made up for it with
the Mad Max...got a...mail...mail was very...got so much going...and the koala
bears...got...I'm a big fan...Golden Globe awards...if maybe the people's
choice...

[Man:]
Alright. That's enough. I'm sorry Mel let me get this moron outta here.
 
Učlanjen(a)
24.04.2014
Poruka
9.890
"The Adventures Of The Cow"

"The Adventures Of The Cow"
"And now a cow at bat in the bottom of the 6th inning
of a little league game getting hit by a pitch"

[Baseball sounds and cow bell ringing,ball is hit and hits cow]
[Cow:] Moo

"And now a cow who goes skydiving for the very first time,
and thinks his parachute isn't gonna open when it finnally does 40 feet from the ground"

[Plane sounds]
[M1:] Alright cow, don't even think about just jump and enjoy the ride down,
quit being a pansy and do it
[Cow:] Moo
[Ripcord sounds]
[Cow:] Moo,mrr
[Parachute opens]
[Cow:] Moow
[Thud]

"And now a cow who goes to the chicken hot drivethru
and then gets halfway home before realising they forgot his french fries"

[Cow opening paper bag]
[Cow:] Moo,moo
[Car screeches, and turns back around]
[Cow:] Mrr

"And now a cow winning first prise in the bellyflop contest at spring break
and then realises he can't swim"

[Cow walking towards pool, big splash]
[Cow:] Moo
[Crowd cheering]
[Cow:] Mrr,mrr
[Underwater moo]

"And now a club gets a dance at a classy strip club,
when a bouncer notices he doesn't have any shoes on"

[F1:] Ohh baby you like it when I dance with you
[Cow:] Moo
[F1:] Uh uh uh, you can't touch that
[Cow:] Moo
[Bouncer:] Keep your hands off the girl
[Cow:] Moo
[Bouncer:] Hey cow, you got no shoes on you gotta leave
[Cow:] Moo
[M2:] Hey watch it cow

"And now a cow playing tennis against farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle
when the farmer makes an obvious bad call"

[Tennis ball being hit]
[Farmer:] That was out
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Don't tell me it wasn't cause I saw it and that was out
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] By at least 3 feet that's how far, come in look there is still a mark where it's out
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Don't tell that was from an old ball, that was this ball and this ball was out
[Cow:] Mrr
[Farmer:] You cannot see from that angle
[Cow:] Moo

"And now a cow recieves a phone call who he thinks is
from a famous actor but he soon finds out it's just a practical joke"

[Phone rings, cow picks it up]
[Farmer:] Hello may I speak to the cow
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Hi, I'm a famous actor
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Oh, thank you very much,
I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner with me
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Why don't I make reservations?
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] And why don't I tell you my real name?
farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle
[Cow:] Mrr
[Farmer:] Take that fatty
[Cow:] Mrr
[Slams down phone]

"And now a cow gets his revenge on farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle"

[Car sounds]
[Farmer:] Pull over, pull the vehicle to the side of the road, I am warning you for the last time.
[Car hits farmer]
[Farmer:] Oooh
[Cow:] Mooooooooooooo
 
Učlanjen(a)
24.04.2014
Poruka
9.890
"Dip Doodle"

"Dip Doodle"
Jabawokee ding dong slip slap slee
Dipstick paddywhack pee pee googalee gee
Polly wolly sling slang skooey dibbely doo
Wing wong ping pong king kong Cheech 'n Chong hop hip kagagoogoo

Hickory dickory slickory flip flap dip skip to my lou
Flim flam wham blam Sam bam Cunningham whack snack koochie koochie koo
Plus you gotta dip, you gotta doodle, you gotta eat Grandma's stroodle
'Cause she stayed up all night to make it from scratch
You gotta gish, you gotta gash, you gotta wax Grandma's mustache
And lay out here socks and make sure they match
Whoa, you gotta help out your Gram

Slappety dappety sling skism skasm bing bang boo
A yip, a yap, a snippety snap walla, walla scrappy dappy doo
Piddle paddle fiddle faddle widdle waddle awhee clunkety clang
A plop, a fizz, a whackety whiz, chitty chitty bang wang lang

Zippity doo dang lipidee ay oompa loompa doo
A piggly wiggly dooda stinky winky linky foo man choo
Plus you gotta dip, you gotta doodle, you gotta shave Grandma's poodle
'Cause Grandma would do the same for you
You gotta libby, you gotta labby, you gotta hug Grandma even though she's flabby
'Cause you should know Grandmas are people too
Whoa, you gotta love your Gram

Now if you listened to the words of this song
You know they're coming straight from the heart
Never make fun of your Grandma
Even when she rips a juicy fart

And remember to dip, you gotta doodle
You gotta stop playing with your noodle
'Cause Grandma said it will make you go blind
You gotta gipper, you gotta giper, you gotta change Grandma's diaper
And then pretend that you really didn't mind
Whoa, respect to the Grandma
 
Učlanjen(a)
24.04.2014
Poruka
9.890
"The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Woman"

"The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Woman"


[Setting: A restaurant with music playing in the background]
"And now the Excited Southerner proposes to a girl."

[Girl:] "You wanted to ask me something?"
[Excited Southerner:] "Yes, I did. I - first of all I just wanted to say that you're --
very pretty girl, and I, I -- hoo --
you'the -- we've known each other for so long now,
and-uh, it's about time that the two of us --
we're both getting older right now, and-uh, and I don't want to die alone, I --
tell you that much -- hoo --
getting ahead of myself --
got ta slow down, hoo-hoo, concentrate on what I'm trying to get across
to you right now, hoo, I mean,
whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-willing to be a house husband,
you don't have to qu-qu-qu-qu-quit your job there,
there, I'm, I'm, the-, I'm, I'm -- hoo, honeymoon in the Poconos, with the --
hoo, woo hoo -- sex optional --
you don't have to do what you don't want to do, hoo hoo hoo hoo,
someday you're going to love me, and that -- that's fi--
til death do us part I,
we'll get the chocolate cake and the sunrise and the sunset --
no prenuptial agree --"
[Girl:] "Look, are you trying to ask me to marry you?
Because I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment."
[Excited Southerner:] "Coooooo."
 
Učlanjen(a)
24.04.2014
Poruka
9.890
"Memory Lane"

"Memory Lane"
[M1:] "Hey, it's great to have us all out on a road trip again this is gonna be fun"
[all agree]
[M2:] "Whoa,do you smell that skunk"
[All:] "Yeah
[M2:] "You know, even though it stinks it kinda reminds me of growing up"
[all agree]
[M3:] "It kinda reminds me of smelling weed"
[all agree]
[M1:] "Hey, it reminds me of smelling a pussy"
[all agree]
[M2:] "It reminds me of smelling an ass"
[all agree]
[M4:] "It reminds me of smelling a 60 year old guys ass"
[car screeches, he drops out of the car]
[M4:] "Hey, screw you guys I am who I am deal with it"

[M1:] "I'm glad we got rid of him his was a wierdo"
[M3:] "Oh my God, that was a little out there,
hey check out a water slide, man,
those things always remind me of my 13th birthday party, remember that"
[all agree]
[M1:] "Hey, it reminds me of that girl I met last year
who was a lifegaurd at one of those things, she was unbelievable"
[all agree]
[M2:] "Hey, it reminds me of that rich girl I went out with
and when her dad went out of town we fooled around in his jucuzzi"
[all agree]
[M3:] "It also reminds me of the time I saw a 60 year old guy slide down
one of those things and he was going
so fast his bathing suit fell off,
and I just stood there at his big beutiful hairy balls flopping around,
holy geez I wanted to lick em'"
[car screeches he drops out of it]
[M3:] "I hate you guys, you tricked me into sayin' that"

[M2:] "I always knew that guy was a little wierd"
[M1:] "Hey, there's a pizza place it smells awesome"
[M2:] "It reminds me of the time I used to work in a pizza place"
[M1:] "It reminds me of my first date with this girl named Ginger,
I took her to a pizza place"
[M2:] "Hey, it also reminds me of the time I ate a slice of pizza,
and then went over to a 60 year old man's house and made him fuck me
in the ass in front of his kids"
[car screeches, he drops out of it]
[M2: "Hey don't get all hitey mitey he wanted me to do it"

[M1:] "Man they were all crazy, hey, what's that"
[Cow:] "Moo"
[M1:] "Oh my god, ahhhhhhhhhhh"
[car chrashes]

"Hey that last skit was written for a reason,
if any of your buddy's have fooled around with a 60 year old man,
don't throw them out of your car, or you will die,
now enjoy the rest of the album."
 
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