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"Why Not?"

"Why Not?"


[John:] Then we can sell them ladders, 'cause they're gonna have to have ladders to get into the piano, right?
[Spider:] Yeah, when it starts growing
[John:] Right . . . we set 'em down and, like, we turn the lights down and turn on the red ones
[Monica:] What're you gonna do, stoop to strobe lights or . . . ?
[Spider:] Ah, no, no
 
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"Wild Love"

"Wild Love"



Many well-dressed people
In several locations
Are kissing quite a bit
Later in the evening
Leaves will fall
Tears will flow
Wind will blow
Some rain; some snow
A fireplace maybe
A kiss or two
And down they'll go
But that's the way it goes sometimes
You just might find yerself in the clutches of some Wild Love

Mama stroked his dinger
Daddy got a stinky finger
In those days of long ago
Later in the evening
She'd complain
They'd refrain
He'd go home 'n' hone his bone
A tragic case maybe
But also true
I'm sure you know
But that's the way it goes sometimes
You just might find yerself in the clutches of some Wild Love

Now'days you get dressed up
'N' later you get messed up
But still you're pretty hip
Later in the evening
You'll explain
She'll remain
You're real modern
She's the same
A frantic pace maybe
But who's to say
Where it will go
 
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"Willie The Pimp"

"Willie The Pimp"



I'm a little pimp with my hair gassed back
Pair a khaki pants with my shoe shined black

Got a little lady . . . walk the street
Tellin' all the boys that she cain't be beat

Twenny dollah bill (I can set you straight)
Meet me onna corner boy 'n don't be late

Man in a suit with a bow-tie neck
Wanna buy a grunt with a third party check

Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel
Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell:
HOT MEAT
HOT RATS
HOT CATS
HOT RITZ
HOT ROOTS
HOT SOOTS

HOT MEAT
HOT RATS
HOT CATS
HOT ZITZ
HOT ROOTS
HOT SOOTS
 
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"Willie The Pimp Part One"

"Willie The Pimp Part One"


[includes part of Latex Solar Beef]

Mud Shark

All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef

Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby),
Steam roller
Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids mama),
Steam roller
(Gooey piles, baby!)
 
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"Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station"

"Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station"



This here song might offend you some
If it does, it's because you're dumb
That's the way it is where I come from
If you've been there too, let me see your thumb

Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)

Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)

Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)

Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Ah, let me see your thumb)

Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're dumb

Hey now, better make a decision
Be a moron and keep your position
You oughta know now all your education
Won't help you no-how, you're gonna . . .

Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Pumpin' the gas every night
Pumpin' the gas every night
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Pumpin' the gas every night
Pumpin' the gas every night
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)
Manny de Camper vants to buy some vite
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station)
(Fish!)

Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
 
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"Wistful Wit A Fist-Full"

"Wistful Wit A Fist-Full"


[Chuck Wild broadway piano]

[Evil Prince: (mammified fake-Broadway singing)]
What is happenin' to me!
An' also to de ol' zom-BIE
I used tum know?

Of c'ose dey
Once was so spectaculuhhh!
Now we be
Talkin' de vernaculuhhh!
Dis a strange kind o' reactium
To de pig we et befo'!

I's immune to de Re-ZEASE, I s'pose
Fum suckin' up de greeze
Fum de DUO-DEENUM dribblin's
Outa de pig befo'!

I can laugh 'n rub my chin
When MY re-ZEASE come rollin' in,
It's jes' like catchin' a second win'!
I feel so gay-y-y-y-y-y!

Some mights refer to me as SCUM,
'Cause where dey all be comin' from
(When de GALOOT CO-LOG-NUH rushin' down de plain)
Is underneef some ragg'dy dirt
In de suburbean out-skirt
Of ol' Manhattin',
Traffick pattin'
Near de GAY WHITE WAY!

I gets clammy, sayin' 'MAMMY'
I gets chills all up my spine!
I gets wistful,
Wit a fistful
Of ve-NE-she-um bline!

Jes' like tuggin' on de heart-strings!
Jes' like dem lil' ol' fallin' apart things,
Jes' like whatevuh dat is rotten, YESSIR!
We has sho'ly has not fo-gotten
HOW T'PRETEND TO SING!

Now, deys hope,
We ain't gwine die!
Only de suckers forced t'buy
Dem 'spensive tickets we be sellin' at de do'!

Now we got BROADWAY ZOMBIE MAMMYS!
We gots an' UGLY, UGLY O'PHAN ANNIE!
An' de traditium will go on, 'n on, 'n on

I loves t'see de, see de ZOMBIE fly! YESSIR!
It sorta makes ya, makes ya wanna cry!
'Cause we is BROADWAY!
We's EXPENSIVE,
An' we can't,
I said we CAN'T . . .
CAN'T . . . NEVER
DIE!
CAN'T . . . NEVER
DIE-E-E-E-E-E-E-E!
Yessir!
You're too kind!
 
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"Won Ton On"

"Won Ton On"


[Thing-Fish:]
Whiff it, Boy! Whiff it good, now! MAMMIES, step forward 'n try t'git on down wit dem BROADWAY ZOMBIES! Dis de closin' numbuh, now! MOSES! Git yo' brown ass ovuh heah! Leave de Co-log-nuh alone fo' a minnit. Whyn'tcha go on 'n cornhole ya' some EVIL PRINCE! I B'lieve he done evolved to de point where he kin hannle it now!

See dat? Uh-huh! Look like he severely enjoyin' it awready! Sound like he enjoyin' it, too! Wuh-Oh! I smells trubba! Look like he got de eeyah-noosht! Ain't no two ways about it.

'Fo y'all departs, I jes' wish to say in conclusium, as matters o' dis gravity gen'rally require some type o' philosomical post-scription, dat what y'all have witnessed heah tonight were a TRUE-STORY - only de names o' de potatoes have been changed to protect de innocent.

GALOOT CO-LOG-NUH! DON'T BUY IT, PEOPLES!

Dis have been a public service ernouncemint. Wave good-night to de white folks, 'DEWLLA!

[Rhonda:]
SYMBOLISM, HARRY!

[Harry:]
. . . not the stuff that 'Freckles' lets out!

[Rhonda:]
This is SYMBOLISM! Really deep, intense, thought-provoking Broadway SYMBOLISM. Really Modern, HARRY . . .

[Harry:]
Take your hand off that chain, honey!

[Rhonda:]
Fuck that briefcases . . .

[Harry:]
. . . not the briefcases . . .
 
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"Wonderful Tattoo!"

"Wonderful Tattoo!"


[Hermann Kretzschmar voice]

Dear Jim and PFI,
Enclosed are photos of my cock
And the wonderful tattoo John [Stackee] in Houston did for me.
We plan to continue the design on my balls the next time I'm in Houston.
I really enjoy PFIQ,
Someday I hope to visit L.A. and meet you.
Bob C.
2221-DCM

Dear PFIQ
Dear PFIQ friends
Dear Jim
Dear Jim and PFI
I still want it
I have come to a decision
For those that believe than . . . that bigger is better
Marine hardware stores carry a full line
Of stainless steel rings.
Enclosed are photos.
I just wanted to reassure a woman
Who want nipples pierced
I, frankly
Would rather have a fakir
I will send you a few other pictures as soon as I get them
2376
237-O
3134
2221

We
Plan
To
Con
Tin
Ue
The
De-sign on my balls
The next time I'm in Houston
I really enjoy PFIQ
Someday I hope to visit L.A.
And meet you!

The only thing that surprises me
Is that every year I have the urge to have another hole

Do you think, Jim
That a gynaecologist
With the aid of your magazine could do a clit hood piercing?

Possibly one day the ultimate experience can be realized

I believe we are witnessing the evolution of a new type of man,
The quintessential being, a person who is totally modern
While at the same time primitive in desires and spirit
I feel this combination is rare in today society.
This type of person has the desire to get things done and it's...
This attribute will help both sides achieve
I'm seeking the quintessential man for myself
Through piercing, tattoos and education.
Possibly one day the ultimate experience can be realized.

My last sexual partner like the jewelry on most occasions
But not all
And I accidentally left the impaling jewelry out of all one night
And half the next day.

Everything is healing nicely.
 
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"Wonderful Wino"

"Wonderful Wino"



L.A. in the summer of '69
I went downtown and bought me some wine
Oh, I drank it down under the table
I said: "Watch me now, I'm gonna eat the label!"
Well I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?

36, 24, hips about 30
I seen a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty
Boy, she looked over at me and she raised the thumb
She said: "Jam down the road, you fun-ba-bum-bum"
I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?

I went to the country
And while I was gone
I lost control of my body functions
On a roller-headed lady's front lawn
I'm so ashamed, but I'm a wino man
I can't help myself

I've been drinkin' all night till my eyes got red
Stumbled on the gutter and busted my head
Bugs in my zoot suit, been scratchin' like a dog
I can't stand no water, and I stink like a hog
Give me a five dollar bill
And an overcoat too
Give me a five dollar bill
And an overcoat too
A five dollar bill and an overcoat too
A five dollar bill and a Florsheim shoe
 
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06.07.2010
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"Would You Go All The Way?"

"Would You Go All The Way?"



Remember Freddie and Jo?
The night you went to the show?
(A monster movie);
Clutchin' at yer hand
(Wait ten seconds)
Clutchin' at yer arm
(Wait ten seconds)
Clutchin' at yer elbow-
(Wait ten seconds)
Where did your brassiere go?
When the monster came out,
'N everybody shout!
People all around you,
Screamin' at the monster;
The Monster From The U.S.O.

Who's this dude with his hair straight back?
His new white socks, 'n his pants all black;
His T-shirts rolled-
His watch is gold-
A '55 Chevy that his brother just stoled,
With his arm's around yer waist-
An' his hand is in yer pants-
An' he asks you for a date
To the servicemen's dance!

Suppose you don't wanna?
What can you do?
When a joker like that
Got his hands on you-
Oh, baby!
T-T-T-Tell me baby,
Would you go all the way
For the U.S.O.?
Would you go all the way
For the U.S.A.?
Would you go all the way
For the U.S.O.?
Lift up your dress, if the answer is "no" . . .

Would you go all the way
For the U.S.A.?
Would you go all the way
For the U.S.A.?
Would you go all the way
For the U.S.A.?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?

Would you go all the way
For the U.S.A.?
Would you go all the way
For the U.S.A.?
Would you go all the way
For the U.S.A.?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?
 
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